feel guilty

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by PiscesMom, Jun 1, 2017.

  1. PiscesMom

    PiscesMom Active Member

    Hi all. Do any of you struggle with guilt? I have two difficult kids - one my son w the autism like traits and maybe "perseverative" is the word for his obsession w growing marijuana. On his terms. My daughter has autism and extreme social anxiety. Both are high average iq.
    I feel guilty because during their pregnancies I was frantic about my ex's poor behavior. We fought a lot. He was a good earner, had his own business, was controlling and emotionally abusive, also drank and used cocaine. He was out a lot.
    Now I wonder why I cared so much about that idiot. I worry that my reaction to his behavior caused my kids to be damaged in utero.
    On the other hand, my ex's family is a hotbed of mental health problems and dysfunction. I have a sister w autism.
  2. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    Can't change what is. We all do the best we can with what we have at the time.

    Don't play the blame game, or the what if game.

    Enjoy the life given. We all wish we would have made different decisions at certain times.

    Give yourself a hug and let it go!
  3. february

    february Member

    Its not your fault, it could be genetic.
    now is doing the best you can with the kids.
    Take care of yourself, this is exhausting.

  4. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    I don't see how your ex-husband's drug use could have caused the children to have autism. Of course, you spent a lot of time worrying about him. He was your husband at the time, and we invest a lot into a marriage. The arguing you and him did put stress on the pregnancy, but that doesn't cause autism. Think about how many couples have great marriages during pregnancy, and their children are diagnosed as autistic. It's nothing the parents do or don't do. Due to the increase in population, we are seeing more children being diagnosed.
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  5. PiscesMom

    PiscesMom Active Member

    thank you all! i feel easily feel guilt and self blame. i didn't mean exactly that autism was bad, just that the kids all had issues. and this has been a heavy week, so i needed this boost a lot. <3
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Autism is a neurological difference, often inherited, not a psychiatric problem. My 23 year old son has high functioning aitism but is not mentally ill. Part of autism is not understanding hiw ro socialize so social anxiety is the rule.

    You did not cause autism.

    There are guesses but no proof that your stress in pregnancy causes stressed out people. Autistics are high stress due to sensory and social issues, not psychological problems. They are differently wired.
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2017