feel like a BAD mom

[rukiddingme]

New here and just wanted to say thanks! Reading thes posts make me feel like I now have someone to talk to. My son is 21 and I don't think a minute goes by that my husband & I don't worry. Drinking, drugs, steeling from us, no job right now, drunk driving ticket a couple weeks back($900.00). We're not paying & I think he's going to jail. There is so much I would like to say, but don't know where to start.

I guess thats all for now--getting tearyeyed & don't want anyone seeing me cry!!!

 

[dashcat]

Welcome. Yes, you've found a group of very supportive and understanding parens you can talk to.
Dash

 

[CrazyinVA]

Welcome aboard, rukiddingme. The folks on this board can definitely relate to your struggles. You've found a great place ... please come back when you can and give us your story.

Oh, and I am sure that you are NOT a bad mom. It's a tough road, parenting these types of kids. Hugs.

 

[Bean]

Welcome.

 

[MuM_of_OCD_kiddo]

It's called tough loving, not being a bad mom or dad, LOL ...and it is okay to cry too! Welcome!!

 

[elizabrary]

A wise person on here (sorry, I can't remember who) once told me- you're only a bad mom if when you raised your child you intentionally neglected and ignored him, did all you could to make your child turn out to be a bad person and purposefully did things to harm him. Obviously none of us here did any of those things or we wouldn't be on here worried sick day and night about our screwed up adult kids! We were the best parents we knew how to be and kept the best interests of our children in all we did. Sometimes even thought you do your best your kid still acts crazy and that's their fault, not yours! You found a great place where people understand! Welcome!

 

[busywend]

Welcome! I love the 'don't want anyone to see me cry' - you are funny!

Does he still live with you?

 

[Hound dog]

Welcome to the board.

You've landed in the right place. And we certainly DO get it.

You're not a bad Mom. We do the best we can with what we know at the time. No one is perfect.

(((hugs)))

 

[SingleADHDparent]

Growing up for the most part it was just me, my mom and my brother. Alcoholism and addiction runs rampid throughout my father's family. After many close calls with the law and some other very scarry nights. My brother now has 18 months of sobriety. It was not an easy road and since it is something that I want my son to be aware of too we take very open about it in our family. I have my own struggles with my son but as the older sister was often the one my brother called first. I also work as a paralegal and I see good kids making bad decisions all the time. You are not a bad mom and not paying the fine is a good decision on your part.

Hugs

 

[Bean]

A wise person on here (sorry, I can't remember who) once told me- you're only a bad mom if when you raised your child you intentionally neglected and ignored him, did all you could to make your child turn out to be a bad person and purposefully did things to harm him. Obviously none of us here did any of those things or we wouldn't be on here worried sick day and night about our screwed up adult kids! We were the best parents we knew how to be and kept the best interests of our children in all we did. Sometimes even thought you do your best your kid still acts crazy and that's their fault, not yours! You found a great place where people understand! Welcome!

That's some reassuring stuff to chew on.

 

[rukiddingme]

Thanks so much for the warm welcome. I guess that deep down I know i'm not a bad mom, but it's reassuring to hear others say so also. My son is still living at home( for free). the deal is that he get up early every morning & help do chores around the house. He doe's a great job(very handy like his dad) when we can finally pry him out of bed in the a.m. He went to a AA meeting last night and told his dad that he needed help. This is a good thing. Right??

 

[compassion]

YES!!! That IS GOOD!!!! Remember, baby steps