feel like pulling my hair out

[goingcrazyinwv]

I really think she is making me crazy I just sat at the kitchen table and cryed for 2 hrs. straight. tonight getting her to bed was horrible she just plain out refused actually since she had that one really good day she has just refused to do anything we ask her we have no control over her we try and get her to do the things she needs to do but she just won't so she is pretty much doing what she wants. our lives are being run by a 9 year old. I am just plain sick of it and not just that I can't take this any more it is just ruining my emotional state of mind. I am nervous about going to the psychiatrist friday because I just know he is going to be no help I've told them all everything that goes on here that we and the school is very worried about alex (8 yr old) we are both worried that she may hurt him but the psychiatrist just says he thinks she is angry well duh but when she gets angry with him it is like she goes black and doesnt know what she is doing she will pick up whatever is in her reach and hit him with it. she has threatened to want to kill him when she is calm but she is just angry. she obsesses about wanting alex gone from our house and even says these things in school. what am I supposed to do about her not listening to anything we say and wanting her brother gone. I just don't know what to do and I am loosing my mind.

Thanks,
Helen

 

[BusynMember]

Hi there, and I"m sorry you're feeling so hopeless, because it's NOT. I'm an oldtimer and I have a few questions for you.
1. Who diagnosed your child?
2. Do you think the diagnosis is right?
3. Did your child have any delays in speech, eye contact, social skills? Any strange or quirky behaviors, obsessions, trouble transitioning?
4. Any mood disorders or substance abuse on either side of the family tree?
It is hard to diagnose a child, since all the childhood disorders overlap symptom-wise, but your child isn't improving with the treatment he is getting. Although you can see a psychiatrist, in my opinion (and many here) the best diagnosticians are NeuroPsychologists because they do intensive testing and evaluations. My son had twelve hours of testing, and we finally got him on track after the neuropsychologist. Our Psychiatrist misdiagnosed him, and did no testing--just sort of seemed to pull a diagnosis. out of the air and prescribe medications. While psychiatrists are highly skilled, they don't test the kids. Nor do regular psychologists, therapists, or social workers. There are no blood tests that can verify a diagnosis, however testing shows your child's strengths and weaknesses and often neuropsychologist evaluations are a godsend. Things the others miss, such as high functional autism or various Learning Disability (LD) problems, NeuroPsychs often pick up. This is not just IQ testing--it is very thorough. You can find NeuroPsychs in university hospitals and children's hospitals. Sometimes you have to ask your pediatrician for a referral. We just went without a referral. My son is doing great.
Others will come along with more advice. You've come to a great place.

 

[Wiped Out]

Helen,
I'm sorry things are so rough right now. One thing to do if you don't feel the pdco (psychiatrist) is listening, find another one. We did and it was one of the best things we ever did for difficult child!

Also, I'm sure it's hard to find the time but be sure you are doing things just for you like walking, reading a book, taking a bubble bath-anything to give yourself a break. Be sure to find some time for you and husband as well. Gentle hugs to you.

 

[LittleDudesMom]

Hi going,

Listen, parenting a difficult child is not for the faint of heart. You have so much more to deal with than the average parent of a typical child.

You need to put on your warrior mom armour and fight!!!!!! When you go to the doctor on Friday, you go in his/her office first without your daughter. You stand up to the doctor and tell him/her that you are not sure whether your daughter has the correct diagnosis, but you will not live with her behaviors at school or home anymore. He/She needs to suggest futher testing, medication trials, alternate therapy, something to make some sort of posistive change in your daughter's life. You will not live like this anymore. You fear for the safety of your younger son, and the school is extrememly concerned for your daughter (if it helps, have the teacher, principal, etc., write a letter outlining their concerns.), and your homelife is h$ll. Tell the psychiatrist that if he/she cannot help you, you will have to find another doctor.

Stand up and show the doctor that you are willing to fight for your daughter.

You know, my son is diagnosis'd with adhd (and depression at the time) and he did some awful raging where, like you said, where he was "black" back in second grade. They used to have to clear the classroom. I never dealt with the home issues, but the school stuff was really bad! He's in sixth grade now and with therapy, medications, maturity and lots and lots of hard work, things are better. He's by no means typical, but he's moving forward - baby steps at a time.

I'm sure someone has suggested that you get a copy of The Explosive Child. That's a great read and tremendous help to those of us that parent difficult children.

Hang in there going, we are here with you.

Sharon

 

[meowbunny]

Given the comments about wanting her brother dead and he actual acts of violence against him, you have cause for some major concerns. This may be the time to ask for hospitalization for her to see what is going on and trial her on some medications. She has proven she is a danger to others.

As awful as it sounds, you may very well have to go the bully route. That is, you are bigger and stronger and may have to force her to do things like go to her room. A 9 year old should not be running the house. You seriously need help and so does she. If her psychiatrist isn't helping her, I agree, find another one.

 

[goingcrazyinwv]

thank you all for your replies. I am taking the youngest to the pediatrician friday morning and am asking for a referral for a neuropsychologist evaluation or hospitalization which ever he recommends I have a great pediatrician and I'm thinking he may say hospitalization but to be honest I think that is what she needs.

1. Who diagnosed your child? - psychiatrist
2. Do you think the diagnosis is right? I'm not sure. yes I do think she has adhd as for the odd yes at home I definately see it at school her behavior is perfect but I also think there is something else going on as well.
3. Did your child have any delays in speech, eye contact, social skills? no she did a lot of things early
Any strange or quirky behaviors, obsessions, trouble transitioning?she has two obsessions being homeschooled and hurting her brother
4. Any mood disorders or substance abuse on either side of the family tree?yes on both sides. both sides have bipolar and depression and on husband's sides there have been two suicides.

we had a really bad day I am going to post about that now.

Thanks again,
Helen