Feel so embaressed for hubby!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by lovelyboy, Jun 28, 2012.

  1. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    As I mentioned in previous post, difficult child was going through a difficult emotional time today.
    Hubby had to take an important business call from his boss tonight....he went into the room and closed the door....He did mention to his boss that he is struggling with some issues with difficult child but will be able to try and take the call anyway......
    So while busy with very important discussion regarding work matters, difficult child bursts into the room, swearing to his dad, using the "f" -word!!!! husband did say he can't talk further and switched of the phone....to late obviously! Later when difficult child was relaxed he said sorry to his dad and was worried about his boss....dear husband said he will try and explain......
    I said to hubby, maybe he must just straight out tell his boss, "sorry....I have an autistic child!"
    But most people wont understand screaming and swearing being part of autism! And this is very private and personal!
    What to do!?
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I would apologize to the boss for the son's behavior and if the boss continues to put up a stink and won't let it go, THEN I would tell him that you have an autistic son and the language is one of the things you're working on right now. I would leave it at simple as that. Some things can't realistically be kept totally private. This might be one of them. Not saying to broadcast it to everyone but if it's affecting H's work, the boss may give a little leeway it he knows there's a reason behind the behavior and that you are actively working to correct it.
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    How you handle it is going to partly be related to the culture there.
    HERE (Canada)... if this sort of thing is happening, it becomes critical to share the fact that you have an "intensive needs child" - not necessarily the full diagnosis, but the fact that this kid IS getting medical help for a variety of issues, and two of those issues are language, and impulsivity.

    Oh, and... if husband has to make these kinds of important calls on any sort of regular basis? Time for a lock on a door somewhere... I had one on my office door, back when my office actually had a door...
  4. allhaileris

    allhaileris Crumbling Family Rock

    I would assume his boss knows that as soon as a parent gets on the phone it's almost guaranteed the child will need attention or do something to interrupt call. And why not tell his boss? It's not like he has lice or something icky, he has something that will affect him forever, his boss should know that he has a high needs child. The only people who would be upset by that are people I who are so wound up that I would never want to work for them! I think you need not worry about it, it's totally normal for a neurotypical kid to do the same thing, maybe just not the swearing part.

    Get a lock for the door, tell husband to go outside or into the car where he can lock the door.

    And I do see you're from South Africa, I get the cultural differences. My step-mom is from SA and she's very proper, almost too much (but she also did the boarding school route). I could totally see her getting embarrassed by that situation. But in the end, as the parent, we just have to suck it up and move on. You didn't make your child do that, and it's not a reflection of your parenting.

    Kids come before jobs, and bosses should know that. I'm grateful mine does.
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    It would be nice if bosses really DID know this, but... my experience? Less than half of all bosses have ANY clue or any shred of care - you're hired for what you can produce, not for what YOU need out of the supposedly two-way contract. And the ones who DO care? Still don't have a clue when it comes to high-needs kids.

    Unfortunately, many of us have had our kids cost us our jobs... and some, more than once.

    Whch is why I suggested getting a lock or coming up with some equivalent... if there is any doubt as to where the Boss stands on intensive-needs kids, then you do whatever you have to do so it "doesn't happen again" (i.e. we can never say never, because difficult children are so ingenious, but... it helps if you can tell the Boss that you've taken steps X, Y and Z to prevent it from happening)
  6. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    Thanx all......husband said he had spoken to his boss in the past re difficult child.....and he said he does understand even though he finds it difficult to because he had 2 'perfect' daughters!

    I read up about this swearing last night and it does seem to go with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)!!! I didnt realize this! It does worry me that difficult child could always contain himself a bit, like infront of his friends! But now its like he couldnt care, he will just say 'f' you sometimes infront of ' important' people! It's so very difficult for us to know what is pathology and what isn't? But surely no child would want to put himself through this type of misery by choice! And he feels bad afterwards....and always complains of this bad headaches!
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Absolutely it is. Not for all but given the basic premises that they are not able to consider other's perspectives ...especially in the heat of the moment, and that they get so frustrated and impulsive ...well it is a common thing at least among the students I've worked with ....and of course you know it's in my life too. Nothing to be embarrassed about, its a medical condition and I absolutely would explain that to someone in certain important situations. Hope hubby's boss will be kind.