Feeling a bit down...

[totoro]

I need a little board strength please. Some positive ju-ju if you can.

K has just started her 20 medication! Yeah what a thing to be celebrating, what a wonderful feeling as a Mom.

I can make the number even higher if I add the ones we have trialed more than once...
Yes I am beating myself up. I am trying to just discount the time back in Idaho. I seriously feel it all was a wash and chalk it up to a learning experience.

The one psychiatrist was in the middle of being sued for a death and the other was from Walter Reed and felt all issues were behaviour based. Which we learned way too late in the game.

He had K so medicated that none of the medications were ever given a chance to work.
So I look at this past year as her first time for really trialing and taking medications...
Clean slate.
But my heart and mind still hurt and ache for what I have done to her.

I need this to help her.

She is actually doing pretty well right now. But she has a mood disorder and I think I am just used to her, you know?
I am used to her fantasy world. I am used to her talking to her friends.
I am used to her ups and downs and us not being able to be a part of the real world.
Frick I don't even know what the real world is half of the time.

AOG just posted about having no friends, we are having a playdate on Thursday.

I am so nervous, this will be her second one.

We are at the point were we have to tell this Mom.
But today on the phone she made a comment about another special needs child in their class. Not too bad, it was made worse from another parent.

The Mom is really nice and her Daughter is a slow reader and had bathroom issues in Kindergarten.

I just hate this...
K is such a nice kid, she is so sensitive.

We are starting Occupational Therapist (OT) today, for her and N, they both need this really bad.

1 friend, one break on medications...

I know we all want this.
I guess it is a lot to ask for?

I am just feeling bad today... economy, kids, husband feeling sad... I am trying to keep everyone up and it hoovers some days!
No breaks.

 

[DaisyFace]

Sending ((((hugs)))) and Strength and Ju-Ju and whatever else I can send your way to make it better.

I know you are feeling like a "Bad Mom"....

But think what might have happened if you had not tried to get her help at all. We do the best we can.

--DaisyF

 

[ML]

FWIW I think you are a wonderful mother. I agree that it's time for both K and her mom to catch a break. I am sending hugs of strength and encouragement.

I'm looking forward to hearing how the playdate went. Love, ML

 

[gcvmom]

Toto, we all do the best we can with the tools we have at any given time. And when we know better, we do better. It's that simple. You are the best mom your kids could ever hope to have, and you have done nothing wrong by them. Nothing. You have done the best you can -- always. Remember that. And tomorrow will be better than today because you will have the knowledge and experience of today in your tool belt to make things even better.

(((((HUGS)))))

 

[crazymama30]

I think gcv mom said it well. We do the best we can, and when we know better we do better. Honey, your kids could do a lot worse when it comes to parents. You love them and care for them and advocate for them. It is hard not to beat yourself up, but it really does not do any good.

I am good at saying that but bad at doing it. I do not always practice what I preach. lol

Hugs. I know when difficult child had to go on an ap, which puts him on 3 medications, it hit me hard. I just felt like a failure.

 

[totoro]

Thanks ladies!
I am sitting here with K while she is playing her Disney wii.
GCV had a post over the weekend on how it is with her difficult child and going and doing things...
I commented that we had a good outing to a cave.
The next day it just hit me for some reason that why was it a good outing?

K was freaked out the whole time that we were going to get lost.
So now I am having to reassure her that this stupid Disney wii little kid game that she wants to play so bad... it is Disney Princess, it is scaring her so bad.
So I am having to sit and comfort her and walk and talk her through it.
She just wants to be an 8 yo.

I know we all have to deal with this ca-ca, it just hit me today for some reason.

I am normally the rock.
Even husband said to me today as we were pulling up to the house, "Don't be negative you are my positive" He said it with a smile.

I had said to him, because the garage door didn't shut for some reason when we left, "Sheesh we were probably robbed, and we never got renters insurance!"

I am better, just a bit weary and down.
Thanks you guys.

 

[crazymama30]

Toto, I have found that sometimes the rock cracks, and that those are the hard times. As long as we don't shatter, it is ok.

 

[jannie]

sending you good wishes--I happy to hear about the play date. You are an amazing mom and are always working to do all you can for your kids.

 

[Wiped Out]

Sending you a flower to brighten your day I think you are one fantastic mom!

 

[KTMom91]

Sending hugs, a nice cold glass of iced tea, and several double chocolate brownies.

Your girls are lucky to have you for their mom.

 

[flutterby]

(((hugs))) to a wonderful mother to two beautiful children.

 

[SRL]

I'm sending you a half dozen of the homemade donuts I made yesterday. I always make them for the last day of school and the new recipe I tried made loads.

Honestly it would be more of a surprise if you didn't feel weary and beaten down some of the time.