Feeling a little blue...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by missy44, Apr 2, 2010.

  1. missy44

    missy44 New Member

    Well, it's been a couple weeks that difficult child's been gone. No phonecalls to apologize for his behaviour, no hello, nothing and he stops by today, completely hungover, all of his belongings in a backpack, looking terrible and with an attitude! We were all working on the yard and he waltzes in, looking for water and a phone. I'm sure he was looking for a place to stay, but i made it clear it wasn't happening. I think he blew off his job today, so that will be just one more thing.

    I'm a little blue because it's Easter soon and we're going to the inlaws for a nice dinner with family. This is the first time that I haven't invited difficult child, nor have i included him in our Easter festivities. I'm just too angry and disappointed in him right now. When he is around, my stress level goes through the roof. Still, I somehow sit and feel like I'm doing something wrong. I know these are his choices, but i also know that he's not happy. I worry about how he will be able to get himself out of this life when he is homeless, but my husband says "he'll have to learn on his own how to make it work". We had him back in our home at least 3 times now and each time he lies and goes back to his ways. It's not only his substance abuse issues, it's his laziness, lack of respect, lying, and the list goes on...

    I did offer to drive him to a shelter or to this place in our city that deals with addictions, etc... His response was "I don't need help", but can you drive me to the college (he goes there to use the computers). I didn't respond, I walked into the house and shut the door. I simply watched my homeless son, carry his belongings down the street until he disappeared.

    Anyhow, I'm not looking for answers, i'm just venting my thoughts... Happy Easter all.
  2. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I am so very sorry. Do you have a support system in place? A therapist or a group of some kind? It seems like this is needed 'cause these burdens deep and draining.
    Keep in mind, that you have done your best to help your son. He has had opportunities...including a job to go to. If he has chosen to pass up good opportunities this is his choosing. Although it is very hard to do and you are suffering the "mother's heartache," you can with support and prayer...do your best to enjoy this holiday. Yes, it is not likely to be the same, but with effort, it can be MUCH better. Fight for your right to enjoy life.

    Please do whatever you can to nurture your heart, soul, body and mind. This is what is needed for YOU. As you safely can, without hurting yourself and without enabling your son, I know you will try to gently guide him. But, HE has to do the work. Please concentrate on yourself and as best as you can...don't miss out on the good moments that life has to offer.
  3. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Watching them walk away with their possessions on their back cuts right through our hearts.
    difficult child 2 says he doesn't regret those years of homelessness because they taught him so much. I don't get it, I'd rather learn at home than on the streets. I think my son loved the excitement and all that drama of having to fight to survive.
  4. I'm sorry. Try to focus on the friends and family who are there with you celebrating the holiday, not on the one who chose to walk away rather than accept your offer of help.
  5. missy44

    missy44 New Member

    Thanks everyone, your thoughts do help.

    I do have a support system, great friends and family, an "online" counsellor (offered through work) and the odd alanon meeting... These systems help, but when I see him my mother instincts and unconditional love kick in.

    I detach well, until I see him. This is why I've decided not to include him in our plans this year. If I don't see it, I don't worry about it as much.

    I wish everyone the best and a happy Easter.
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    ((hugs)) Missy

    You do what you need to do to detach. I haven't been doing such a hot job of it myself lately, but I'm trying. I think some kids are just bound and determined to learn the hard way or maybe it's necessary to have the lessons "take". I dunno. But it sure is hard to watch. You offered. He still isn't ready. You can't help that.

    I hope you're able to have a pleasant Easter.