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Feeling Anxiety over Children
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<blockquote data-quote="karisma" data-source="post: 696822" data-attributes="member: 20391"><p>Oh my gosh, I totally didn't mean to post that yet.....so moving along to what I was going to say:</p><p></p><p>I am a world class worrier. Of the highest order. Big Big Big time. I do truly understand the problem of how it feels to know that something bad is coming once again. Doesn't it seem like we can never fully relax during the better times because we believe we know that they won't last? </p><p></p><p>For me, I know that when my Difficult Child is doing "better", it is always a prelude to doing "worse" again and on and on and on. I no longer think about permanent changes, but tend to focus on "Is he freaking out today?" More than 50% of the time, the answer is "yes, he is completely freaking out". My focus then becomes "Is there anything I can do that will actually help?". Here my answer almost 100% of the time is "No, there is nothing I can do" and so, I get to just sit with my horrendous anxiety and sorrow---yeah, fun times. </p><p></p><p>I have tried nearly everything in the world to alleviate my anxiety and sadness over this over the last 23 years. I am one of those people considered "treatment resistant", in the sense that the typical treatments for anxiety and depression do not work for me, in fact, they often exacerbate my problems.</p><p></p><p>All my life, for instance, random people walking by me have said things like "Smile. It'll get better" and "Awww, it can't be that bad!" and "Turn that frown upside down!" etc etc. My emotions are quite visible on my face...I would be terrible at poker.</p><p></p><p>There are other common phrases that well-meaning friends like to say to me (which I completely ignore): "Why would you worry about something you can't control?" My answer to this is " Being able to control something is not a prerequisite for worrying about it. I am fully capable of being afraid of the outcome and afraid of how I, and others, will be feeling after the outcome even though it is not controllable by me." I just had to say that to a very close friend the other day. She said " you make it too hard on yourself". I said "trust me, if there was any way I could do anything in the world to make it less hard, then I would" I. Can. Not. Talk. Myself. Out. of. My. Emotions.</p><p></p><p>They have found a gene they believe is responsible for anxiety. I have always believed it is genetic in nature. I have reasons I believe this but very long to explain. Much has to do with upper level physiology of the brain classes I took in college.</p><p></p><p>They only thing that has ever worked for me is to physically change the brain chemicals. The best way I have accomplished this was through psychiatry. There are medications available now that are very helpful to me. Abilify and Latuda are the two best I have ever tried. I used to be the glad recipient of benzos (Valium, Klonipin, etc), but I got into recovery and told my doctors I could not have things like that anymore, even if I begged for it in the future (which I have). </p><p></p><p>I absolutely hate worrying. I would LOVE to be one of the people I know who worry about nothing, and take life as it comes. My grandmother was quite detached from her emotions. She cared about my mom, but did not let my mother's struggles or pain keep her from playing her bridge game "Oh, I am so sorry to hear that dear, gotta run, have a game..Kiss kiss bye now". Why oh why couldn't I have been more like her? </p><p></p><p>Im sorry I don't have any decent advice. I just want you to know that you are not alone in the fine art of worrying about things in the future. Tons of hugs to you JH. Be well.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="karisma, post: 696822, member: 20391"] Oh my gosh, I totally didn't mean to post that yet.....so moving along to what I was going to say: I am a world class worrier. Of the highest order. Big Big Big time. I do truly understand the problem of how it feels to know that something bad is coming once again. Doesn't it seem like we can never fully relax during the better times because we believe we know that they won't last? For me, I know that when my Difficult Child is doing "better", it is always a prelude to doing "worse" again and on and on and on. I no longer think about permanent changes, but tend to focus on "Is he freaking out today?" More than 50% of the time, the answer is "yes, he is completely freaking out". My focus then becomes "Is there anything I can do that will actually help?". Here my answer almost 100% of the time is "No, there is nothing I can do" and so, I get to just sit with my horrendous anxiety and sorrow---yeah, fun times. I have tried nearly everything in the world to alleviate my anxiety and sadness over this over the last 23 years. I am one of those people considered "treatment resistant", in the sense that the typical treatments for anxiety and depression do not work for me, in fact, they often exacerbate my problems. All my life, for instance, random people walking by me have said things like "Smile. It'll get better" and "Awww, it can't be that bad!" and "Turn that frown upside down!" etc etc. My emotions are quite visible on my face...I would be terrible at poker. There are other common phrases that well-meaning friends like to say to me (which I completely ignore): "Why would you worry about something you can't control?" My answer to this is " Being able to control something is not a prerequisite for worrying about it. I am fully capable of being afraid of the outcome and afraid of how I, and others, will be feeling after the outcome even though it is not controllable by me." I just had to say that to a very close friend the other day. She said " you make it too hard on yourself". I said "trust me, if there was any way I could do anything in the world to make it less hard, then I would" I. Can. Not. Talk. Myself. Out. of. My. Emotions. They have found a gene they believe is responsible for anxiety. I have always believed it is genetic in nature. I have reasons I believe this but very long to explain. Much has to do with upper level physiology of the brain classes I took in college. They only thing that has ever worked for me is to physically change the brain chemicals. The best way I have accomplished this was through psychiatry. There are medications available now that are very helpful to me. Abilify and Latuda are the two best I have ever tried. I used to be the glad recipient of benzos (Valium, Klonipin, etc), but I got into recovery and told my doctors I could not have things like that anymore, even if I begged for it in the future (which I have). I absolutely hate worrying. I would LOVE to be one of the people I know who worry about nothing, and take life as it comes. My grandmother was quite detached from her emotions. She cared about my mom, but did not let my mother's struggles or pain keep her from playing her bridge game "Oh, I am so sorry to hear that dear, gotta run, have a game..Kiss kiss bye now". Why oh why couldn't I have been more like her? Im sorry I don't have any decent advice. I just want you to know that you are not alone in the fine art of worrying about things in the future. Tons of hugs to you JH. Be well. [/QUOTE]
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