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<blockquote data-quote="stressedmama" data-source="post: 642499" data-attributes="member: 18412"><p>The other day husband and I were speaking and he was giving me a hard time again about not treating difficult child like family, etc. (She is my Step daughter). I told him I need help from someone else, that I told him that from the day she went to detox when he freaked out about me suggesting alanon. I reminded him of that and that I still need help...and so does he.</p><p></p><p>I've not been successful in the marriage department and I really want to make this work. We've been married a little over 6 years. Half of our marriage difficult child and GS lived with us. easy child 2 and GD also lived with us along with easy child 3 half the time. easy child 2 was still in high school when we got married and easy child 3 is 5 years younger than her.</p><p></p><p>husband was my rock years ago when I was dealing with a lot of crap with my ex. husband and I were friends before we became involved and he was there as a friend and emotional support through my whole ordeal. Ex got heavily into drugs - he was an anesthetist who got into "sharing" patients' drugs and was shooting up phentanyl. He got arrested for stealing drugs from the ambulance he was working on after being fired from his other job and got busted replacing morphine vials with saline. While on bail from that, he got a DUI and it all went downhill from there. He went to jail for 6 months, then a halfway house for another 6 months. He was diagnosed bi-polar but he's really more of a sociopath or something. If he says it, he believes it to be true. He's never wrong, everyone else is crazy, etc. He is the definition of a nightmare.</p><p></p><p>Having been through all that with Ex, I made it clear to husband I would not live through that again with difficult child. And I would not expose PCs to that again, either.</p><p></p><p>I digress...All kids make bad decisions. I have it in my head that difficult child, at 32 yrs old, should make better decisions than my 17 yr old and 22 yr old. I think 32 should act more mature than 22 and 17. I think we should be harder on 32 than 22 and 17. Every time I bring up something about difficult child, he automatically brings up bad decisions 22 had made, or how 17 gets away with more than the others did. Is it unreasonable of me to expect more of difficult child? He still treats her like she's a teenager. It's beyond frustrating to me. And as many times as I try to explain it, he doesn't get it. </p><p></p><p>All difficult child's mail comes to our house. We open the stuff from the State because it directly impacts GS's benefits, etc. husband opened difficult child's bank last bank statement. I know, shouldn't do it but he did and I freely checked it out. She started the month with $400.00. Ended with $29.00. She spent it all on going out to eat, cigarettes, and clothes. She knows no boundaries when it comes to blowing money on nothing. </p><p></p><p>We aren't on facebook but kids and friends are and I am shocked at some of the horrendous decisions she's making. The other day easy child 2 texted me a picture that difficult child had posted. Now remember, she's going to see GS on Christmas for the first time in 2 months, and she has shaved part of her head. Why? WHY? A few days later, she shaved more so half her head is shaved and it has some design in it. husband's initial reaction was outraged. But of course, after speaking to her, he thought it wasn't so bad after all. And because I said I couldn't fathom the thought of doing something like that, I was being caddy and then went straight to PCs and "what about all her tattoos?" difficult child is covered in them, too.</p><p></p><p>Again, he wants to compare difficult child to PCs as if they are all on the same playing field and equal. I don't agree they are equal. </p><p></p><p>Am I being the evil step mother?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="stressedmama, post: 642499, member: 18412"] The other day husband and I were speaking and he was giving me a hard time again about not treating difficult child like family, etc. (She is my Step daughter). I told him I need help from someone else, that I told him that from the day she went to detox when he freaked out about me suggesting alanon. I reminded him of that and that I still need help...and so does he. I've not been successful in the marriage department and I really want to make this work. We've been married a little over 6 years. Half of our marriage difficult child and GS lived with us. easy child 2 and GD also lived with us along with easy child 3 half the time. easy child 2 was still in high school when we got married and easy child 3 is 5 years younger than her. husband was my rock years ago when I was dealing with a lot of crap with my ex. husband and I were friends before we became involved and he was there as a friend and emotional support through my whole ordeal. Ex got heavily into drugs - he was an anesthetist who got into "sharing" patients' drugs and was shooting up phentanyl. He got arrested for stealing drugs from the ambulance he was working on after being fired from his other job and got busted replacing morphine vials with saline. While on bail from that, he got a DUI and it all went downhill from there. He went to jail for 6 months, then a halfway house for another 6 months. He was diagnosed bi-polar but he's really more of a sociopath or something. If he says it, he believes it to be true. He's never wrong, everyone else is crazy, etc. He is the definition of a nightmare. Having been through all that with Ex, I made it clear to husband I would not live through that again with difficult child. And I would not expose PCs to that again, either. I digress...All kids make bad decisions. I have it in my head that difficult child, at 32 yrs old, should make better decisions than my 17 yr old and 22 yr old. I think 32 should act more mature than 22 and 17. I think we should be harder on 32 than 22 and 17. Every time I bring up something about difficult child, he automatically brings up bad decisions 22 had made, or how 17 gets away with more than the others did. Is it unreasonable of me to expect more of difficult child? He still treats her like she's a teenager. It's beyond frustrating to me. And as many times as I try to explain it, he doesn't get it. All difficult child's mail comes to our house. We open the stuff from the State because it directly impacts GS's benefits, etc. husband opened difficult child's bank last bank statement. I know, shouldn't do it but he did and I freely checked it out. She started the month with $400.00. Ended with $29.00. She spent it all on going out to eat, cigarettes, and clothes. She knows no boundaries when it comes to blowing money on nothing. We aren't on facebook but kids and friends are and I am shocked at some of the horrendous decisions she's making. The other day easy child 2 texted me a picture that difficult child had posted. Now remember, she's going to see GS on Christmas for the first time in 2 months, and she has shaved part of her head. Why? WHY? A few days later, she shaved more so half her head is shaved and it has some design in it. husband's initial reaction was outraged. But of course, after speaking to her, he thought it wasn't so bad after all. And because I said I couldn't fathom the thought of doing something like that, I was being caddy and then went straight to PCs and "what about all her tattoos?" difficult child is covered in them, too. Again, he wants to compare difficult child to PCs as if they are all on the same playing field and equal. I don't agree they are equal. Am I being the evil step mother? [/QUOTE]
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