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Feeling Anxious and Alone
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 642505" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Ok. I thought this was your daughter. It does make a difference. At the same time, I think that your two very different parenting styles are going to do your marriage in if you DON'T get help. Also, understand, many kids are spoiled and do not act like children when they are 32. That is her personality that he is enabling. However, how she cuts her hair or colors it or if she removes her eyebrows...to me those things are not important. The main problem is how differently you feel about what he does and how both of you see yourselves as long term parents for this GS and are nowhere on the same page. </p><p></p><p>Nobody was more spoiled, materially and emotionally, than my youngest daughter Jumper. She still is not an entitled thinker, does not do drugs, doesn't even drink, and is in college to become an asset in criminal justice. Honestly, she is hubs only daughter and he thinks she hung the moon. But she is not in trouble. I don't know exactly what "spoiled" means, I just know that you can raise two kids the same exact way and get two exactly opposite results. Both of you either need to get on the same page or this will fall apart in time. You are fundamentally worried about two separate issues. If I were you, I'd step out of stepdaughter's life. What he does to enable her, he does and you can't stop him. If she cuts her hair in a weird way, no skin off your nose, ya know? Who cares? It's not your child and she obviously doesn't feel as if you are her mother so let him handle her his way.</p><p></p><p>I'm mostly concerned about the grandchild and how your husband turns his daughter's behavior around and picks on your two kids. Yes, I don't think you should compare a 32 year old to a 17 year old, but that isn't the problem. That's the surface of the problem. You and your husband do not get along in very important ways and I'll bet your kids aren't feeling the warm, loving family cocoon any more than difficult child is. </p><p></p><p>If you do not get into treatment together (and you can start by doing it alone) and learn to cope with all this, it will overwhelm you. It still may, but you can try. Husband can not stop you from going to Al-Anon or seeking other help. I would calmly tell him, "I am doing this for myself. You don't have to agree or to join me, although you are welcome to do so, but I am going to get help for myself." And if he goes on and on about it, do the best you can to ignore him. Maybe he'd feel more comfortable if you saw a private therapist.</p><p></p><p>I wish you luck in common to some constructive common ground. Try to find some peace and happiness today...and I would personally let husband do what he wants with difficult child unless the money he sends her is breaking the bank.</p><p></p><p>Many hugs <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 642505, member: 1550"] Ok. I thought this was your daughter. It does make a difference. At the same time, I think that your two very different parenting styles are going to do your marriage in if you DON'T get help. Also, understand, many kids are spoiled and do not act like children when they are 32. That is her personality that he is enabling. However, how she cuts her hair or colors it or if she removes her eyebrows...to me those things are not important. The main problem is how differently you feel about what he does and how both of you see yourselves as long term parents for this GS and are nowhere on the same page. Nobody was more spoiled, materially and emotionally, than my youngest daughter Jumper. She still is not an entitled thinker, does not do drugs, doesn't even drink, and is in college to become an asset in criminal justice. Honestly, she is hubs only daughter and he thinks she hung the moon. But she is not in trouble. I don't know exactly what "spoiled" means, I just know that you can raise two kids the same exact way and get two exactly opposite results. Both of you either need to get on the same page or this will fall apart in time. You are fundamentally worried about two separate issues. If I were you, I'd step out of stepdaughter's life. What he does to enable her, he does and you can't stop him. If she cuts her hair in a weird way, no skin off your nose, ya know? Who cares? It's not your child and she obviously doesn't feel as if you are her mother so let him handle her his way. I'm mostly concerned about the grandchild and how your husband turns his daughter's behavior around and picks on your two kids. Yes, I don't think you should compare a 32 year old to a 17 year old, but that isn't the problem. That's the surface of the problem. You and your husband do not get along in very important ways and I'll bet your kids aren't feeling the warm, loving family cocoon any more than difficult child is. If you do not get into treatment together (and you can start by doing it alone) and learn to cope with all this, it will overwhelm you. It still may, but you can try. Husband can not stop you from going to Al-Anon or seeking other help. I would calmly tell him, "I am doing this for myself. You don't have to agree or to join me, although you are welcome to do so, but I am going to get help for myself." And if he goes on and on about it, do the best you can to ignore him. Maybe he'd feel more comfortable if you saw a private therapist. I wish you luck in common to some constructive common ground. Try to find some peace and happiness today...and I would personally let husband do what he wants with difficult child unless the money he sends her is breaking the bank. Many hugs ;) [/QUOTE]
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