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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 697124" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Youngfool, it's good to hear from you. I know what you have done was and still is very hard to do...and then to live with. Especially if you don't see him changing.</p><p></p><p>Please know that most of us have been right where you are. Even after I started changing and setting boundaries with my son, it was a very long time until he started to change...a couple of years, actually. My change progressed as I worked on myself during this time...but he kept on being homeless and getting arrested for various drug-related charges. </p><p></p><p>You would think our stopping the flow of help and money would force a big change, but once again, we are shown that we aren't in control here. They will do what they will do...until THEY decide to stop. Wild horses can't make them stop until THEY make the choice.</p><p></p><p>In the meantime...what do we do? We have to work on ourselves and continue to work at letting go of them---not cutting off all contact or being mean or abandoning them---but letting go in a healthy loving way. </p><p></p><p>If he calls or contacts you, I hope you can express your love and concern for him and your hopes and prayers for him. That is really all we need to do with grown adults. </p><p></p><p>I know your heart is hurting, and it's hard to live with no contact with our children who we love so much. I believe that you have done the highest and best thing for your son, and that is allowing him to get out there and figure out how to live with his own choices and his own decisions...and the natural outcome and consequences of those choices and decisions. </p><p></p><p>We're here for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 697124, member: 17542"] Youngfool, it's good to hear from you. I know what you have done was and still is very hard to do...and then to live with. Especially if you don't see him changing. Please know that most of us have been right where you are. Even after I started changing and setting boundaries with my son, it was a very long time until he started to change...a couple of years, actually. My change progressed as I worked on myself during this time...but he kept on being homeless and getting arrested for various drug-related charges. You would think our stopping the flow of help and money would force a big change, but once again, we are shown that we aren't in control here. They will do what they will do...until THEY decide to stop. Wild horses can't make them stop until THEY make the choice. In the meantime...what do we do? We have to work on ourselves and continue to work at letting go of them---not cutting off all contact or being mean or abandoning them---but letting go in a healthy loving way. If he calls or contacts you, I hope you can express your love and concern for him and your hopes and prayers for him. That is really all we need to do with grown adults. I know your heart is hurting, and it's hard to live with no contact with our children who we love so much. I believe that you have done the highest and best thing for your son, and that is allowing him to get out there and figure out how to live with his own choices and his own decisions...and the natural outcome and consequences of those choices and decisions. We're here for you. [/QUOTE]
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