Feeling disheartened & clueless

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by 'Chelle, Feb 6, 2009.

  1. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    Guess this is just a vent, since I know no one here has that magic pill or stick that will make my difficult child actually want to go to school (hey, unless someone's been holding out with that). Just have no clue right now myself. After a good end to school last year, and a fantastic first semester this year, I was actually letting myself relax and hope a bit. Then this semester started last week, and this week has been another week from the hot place. Extremely hard to get him up to go, angry growls of I don't want to go to school, throwing things, stomping around, slamming doors, calls from school, surly ALL DAY at home. He walked out of English class one day this week, though later he told me he was just doing what the teacher said....which was if you aren't going to do the work and read the book you may as well just leave....so he did. Yep, didn't think he did anything wrong, teacher said to leave, typical Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) literal translation of statement, instead of figuring out maybe he should just do the reading {{SIGH}}. So this morning husband calls and said difficult child was in an extremely foul mood this morning, just waiting for the call from school.

    How much is typical teen angst, how much is difficult child problems going on, is something specific bothering him at school this semester? difficult child's contribution to any questions/talks are "no", "I don't know", "I guess". Nothing else, so I don't know myself. His reply to if you won't talk to people, how can we help you get through this was "I don't need any help." Any attempts at talking to him result in his being in an even worse mood, no matter what tone or words I use. After almost a year of no problems, I'm having a very hard time getting back into the crisis mode. I'm feeling hopeless, clueless, and fresh out of any ideas on what to do or say to him. By the time we could get back to his psychiatrist it will be 2 months, and by that time who knows, he'd probably have found his way again. That's what happened last time.

    {{SIGH}} anyway, thanks for anyone who listens. Just needed to get that out right now.
  2. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Vent away....... Sometimes that is all we can do, right?

    (((HUGS))) :)
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    Hang in there...no answers (no magic pills)....but know that I am sending postive vibes your direction today...

  4. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Any chance he's feeling overwhelmed in some area at school? My difficult child 1 gets that way when he's stressed -- gets very negative.
  5. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    Thanks guys, it helps to just say it here sometimes with people who understand it all. No call from school, though I've been worried all day. He has a pretty good TA this year, so maybe she was able to get him through the day.

    GCV - yeah, that is my thought too, but can't get difficult child to open up about what's bugging him, other than "I HATE SCHOOL". This semester has the more "difficult" classes for him to get through, plus last semester we worked in a resource room period for him which helped a lot I think. I think English gets to be the worst, and colors his whole day for him. Last semester was the "Shakespeare" semester etc. It's easier for him since it's mostly reading the plays in class, reading & discussing the interpretations others & teacher have already made and not having to interpret himself, and give the info back in the tests. He's ok with that. This semester it's reading a book and figuring out, and conveying, the whole "meaning" etc. on his own. Struggles with that, almost unable to do it at all. Plus he's had the same English teacher now the 3rd semester in a row, maybe the school is trying to keep him with a teacher who knows difficult child and how he acts/reacts. The teacher tries, but just doesn't "get" my difficult child. His style is a bit more authoritative/dictatorial than my difficult child can appreciate LOL. I mean, tells difficult child to leave, and then is surprised/angry when he does :rolleyes:

    At least it's Friday, will see what I can do with him over the weekend. Maybe Saturday night when he's had time to get over the week, but before it's almost time to go back.
  6. sweetjj

    sweetjj New Member

    Chelle.... I am so with you there.. Just had one of those "tense" conversations with hubby at lunch today. difficult child has been "sick" wed, thurs & again today. Wed he did throw up and was running a fever..but I dont think he is so sick anymore. Problem is..how MAKE them go to school...Yes, i know all of the "take this away" "dont let him do this" and the other consequences..but then he goes into rages and our life is even worse...He just started at our Alternative school last week..Can only miss 4 days cuz its not regular high school, its longer classes and no homework more hands on for kids behind in credits ect ect.. anyway..he has missed three of the four...

    Oh what to do.. We are going to call his psychiatrist tonight and get some suggestions. We have already been down the truancy route and we are hesitant to call on him right now because he genuinly seems sick..very tired..very lethargic ect. I talked to him this morning about maybe he is just in deep depression and not sick..his answer was perhaps..but I really think I am sick...

    anyway..i am with you there.. Just dont know what to do...
  7. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    It always seems in my difficult children situation, that he gets real "good" right before he gets real "bad". As weeks and months go by without incident, we kinda let our guard down and WHAM!

    Just a suggestion. What about a special outing one-on-one to do something that he really enjoys - laser tag, go carting, bowling, a movie he's wanted to see and follow one of those with a casual pizza joint. Perhaps when he's relaxed and comfortable you could (totally unconfrontational) let him know how much you love him. How much you know he has it within himself to succeed. Tell him you feel so helpless right now because you don't feel you can help him. Let him know that you are there for him whenever he needs you and you will listen without judgement. Let him know that it makes you very sad to see him so unhappy. Leave it at that.

    Perhaps he will share, perhaps he won't. But he'll know, above all else, that he has been reminded how much of an alli you are.