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Feeling guilty again
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 723541" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Lou Lou, I used to listen to my daughter's rages and continuing drama too. It was awful, it was endless and it robbed me of my life force, literally. </p><p></p><p>Stop doing it.</p><p></p><p>I remember being in a therapist lead support group discussing this very thing and the therapist said, "stop doing it." I was caught off guard, "what do you mean, she's my daughter, I want to be there for her." I was told I had a choice, my listening was not providing support, I was simply the wall that the battering ram was continually ramming into. It wasn't going to get better, it was going to continue. That was a rude awakening for me. I knew she was right too.</p><p></p><p>There is no rule book that states we have to endlessly listen to this drama, what it really is is a manipulation to get us to do what they want us to do. Stop it. It's abusive. You have a choice here. You have the power. You've given the power to your daughter, as I had with mine too.......but you can take it back......</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That is all you can do. That is it. You've given her the info, it is up to her to take it or not.</p><p></p><p>Her boyfriend manipulates her and she manipulates you. And, the biggest loser is you.</p><p></p><p>You matter too. You've given enough. You've given your all. You've given her everything. Now it's time to give to yourself. Stop this onslaught of abuse and manipulation. Stop it today. When she calls say, "I trust that you will figure it out, I have to go now." Hang up. And, when she continues calling, don't pick up. That will be a step in the direction of her figuring it out herself, without you endlessly being dragged thru her poor choices.</p><p></p><p>Take care of YOU. Nourish yourself. Hang in there. You'll get thru this. You're not alone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 723541, member: 13542"] Lou Lou, I used to listen to my daughter's rages and continuing drama too. It was awful, it was endless and it robbed me of my life force, literally. Stop doing it. I remember being in a therapist lead support group discussing this very thing and the therapist said, "stop doing it." I was caught off guard, "what do you mean, she's my daughter, I want to be there for her." I was told I had a choice, my listening was not providing support, I was simply the wall that the battering ram was continually ramming into. It wasn't going to get better, it was going to continue. That was a rude awakening for me. I knew she was right too. There is no rule book that states we have to endlessly listen to this drama, what it really is is a manipulation to get us to do what they want us to do. Stop it. It's abusive. You have a choice here. You have the power. You've given the power to your daughter, as I had with mine too.......but you can take it back...... That is all you can do. That is it. You've given her the info, it is up to her to take it or not. Her boyfriend manipulates her and she manipulates you. And, the biggest loser is you. You matter too. You've given enough. You've given your all. You've given her everything. Now it's time to give to yourself. Stop this onslaught of abuse and manipulation. Stop it today. When she calls say, "I trust that you will figure it out, I have to go now." Hang up. And, when she continues calling, don't pick up. That will be a step in the direction of her figuring it out herself, without you endlessly being dragged thru her poor choices. Take care of YOU. Nourish yourself. Hang in there. You'll get thru this. You're not alone. [/QUOTE]
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