feeling guilty

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by amazeofgrace, Oct 4, 2008.

  1. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    difficult child I is still in the detention shelter and he's as happy as a pig in poo!

    I am feeling guilty that I do not even want to call him and I am feeling such peace from having him not here.

    Meanwhile difficult child II is acting out 10 fold, he just went nuclear a few minutes ago and demanded I do something, when I refused he became obessed with telling me to do, and I of course remained non reactive and did NOT do it. But I was thinking when I call mobile these people are going to think I am a joke of a Mom who just wants to pass off her kids to someone else. Which is not the case, I know you guys understand that, but I am feeling guilty and frustrated.
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    You are definatly a mom who loves her kid. It is hard for moms to enjoy life when their kids are miserable. We think we can only be happy if everything and everyone in our world are happy. Makes detaching so much harder for us.

    I am sorry you are feeling guilty but just remember that difficult child I was the one to make the choices to get him where he is at. He has to really want to change and take control of himself before he can change. As long as he is safe, has meals and a place to sleep, go ahead and enjoy your days. Send him the message that you have done everything you are able to do and unless he takes responsibilities for his actions, there is nothing more you can do.

    Now, what about difficult child II? I know the super frustration of having a kid in your face who will not back down. I have not yet learned how to handle that except to do as you are and just not engaging.

    You are still doing a great job. Hang in there.
  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm glad he's happy, but this too, shall pass. I hope that you will find it in you to be happy as well. No guilt necessary!
  4. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    It is hard when you are doing your best yet people judge you harshly. People either think I'm a saint for dealing with all my kids or they think I must be the problem to have so much going on with so many, neither one is true. I feel the judgements and I do care what they think, I know I shouldn't, but I do, and it hurts. You know your family's truth, you know you just got stuck with some rotten mental illness. Must be nice to live the kind of life where you can look at a family like ours and think it must be the parents, hey I was one of them when I just had 1 easy child. I thought love and time equals a great kid.
  5. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    You can't do a darn thing about what others think. They are going to have their opinons regardless of the truth. The best you can do is remind yourself they aren't seeing the whole story and truly don't understand. That helped me a lot when I was judged. I didn't take it quite as personally.

    You have every right to feel relief at the some of the peace in your home. It's been a long time coming. Besides, you know #1 is safe and, as you said, happy. Sad that they enjoy being away from home and those who love them but many of our kids do. Usually, the rules are much easier away -- and there is no guilt if the rules aren't followed. It makes like much easier for them.

    So, toss your guilt right out the window. It doesn't belong. As was said, he made the choices to put him there. He will make the choices to come home or stay there or end up elsewhere. It is on his shoulders, not yours.

    Good for you for not reacting to #2. Wonder what would happen if you went on total strike and only did for you? He's old enough to take care of himself. Maybe then he would understand that you're not obligated to do for him. You do it out of love for him. I don't know if it would work, but it might not hurt to try.

  6. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    he has not called, I am going 2morrow for a "team" meeting with the SW and in home therapist. I am beside myself at how detahced I feel. I went through his room and fund a bunch of his rap that he's written, in one song he's praising me for the my strengh and the next he accuses me of shoving him away. And then of course there's rap that is about blowing people's heads off and ones about "sexing" a girl. I have them gathered to give to his in home. There's an ecspecially distrurbing one about how he feels about his Father. I wish S2BX could read it and not use it as an excuse to return to his addiction and continue to hate his son. It's all so very very sad....
  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I have no words of wisdom. It's a terrible thing to live through. I will keep you in my thoughts tomorrow, and hope that you and your difficult child will find some peace.