I posted once or twice through the years about having trichotillomania ... it started when I was a young girl (probably 7-8) due to trauma in the home, and has been a problem off/on throughout my life ever since. For those that haven't heard of it, it is a anxiety/Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) type problem where you literally pull out your own hair. While some people pluck all over their bodies, I've only ever pulled from my scalp. At about age 9 I had actual bald spots, but in the years since when its been a problem, it's never gotten to that level. Until this past year and a half. I no longer have a family doctor, so no access to treatment for my MS. My pain level is off the chart, fatigue has felt like I've lost a lot of my life the past year or two, my limitations are growing and it has really weighed me down emotionally. My hair is normally the thickest of anyone I've ever known. Literally without exaggerating I have the thickness of 4-5 women's hair combined. It has always been the one thing I felt was truly beautiful about me. I have worn it down to my waist, all one length and healthy, thick, vibrant, shiny. I haven't had a hair cut in nearly 5 years now. My hair is just past my shoulders (without a cut!) and I've lost over 75% of it. I have such bald spots I can no longer hide it, and my pony tail is so thin it makes me cry. I literally can't go without putting my hair into a pony tail and putting on a baseball cap. Which also means no dressing up, which means always feeling bummy and unattractive. I have gone out of the house less and less and I'm finding myself in a real depression which saddens me given that my life is going well in so many areas. I should be feeling great, aside from MS symptoms. Tonight we went out for dinner, and I could not wear a hat. Which meant going out with this mangly mess of hair and bald spots everywhere. I'd broken down earlier this morning and just wept and wept. S/O is such a champ. He just let me cr it out and told me all the right things, that he loves me, I'm still beautiful, we'll figure this out etc. Yet how does one "figure this out"? I mean, its awful and I just couldn't see light. The solution? TOmorrow morning I have a appointment at a very exclusive salon. I've never gone to a pricey salon in my entire life, heck I get a hair cut about once every few years. And then I would go to a place that charges $12 for a cut and style. I'm feeling so guilty. We can't afford this, not even if it was a normal pricey hair cut at this place, let alone what my appointment is for. Especially being so close to Christmas. It is nearly the cost of one of S/O's entire paycheques that he gets as training funds while he's taking his course. OUCH! I'm having extensions put in. My normal hair color, real human hair. The priciest way is done by fusing it to your natural hair, not weaved. The idea is to make it look like my hair normally looks when I haven't destroyed it. I about fell off the sofa when I heard the prices. $50 per hour for the hairdresser to put them on, takes on average about 3 hours, sometimes 4 with tricky hair (mine is definitely going to be a challenge) and between $300-$500 depending how much is needed to get the needed thickness/fullness (for me it will be a lot since I've done such a number on it and it needs a lot to fill it back out). So it will be a minimum of $500, up to maybe $700. For HAIR!!! I have cried off/on all day. When I went out tonight though with no way to hide my balding etc, I knew it has to be done. I simply can't do this anymore. But I can't believe I may fork out $700 to give back what I was blessed with naturally. This isn't like convincing yourself to allow a treat for yourself like a simple hair cut, or a new blouse, or whatever we do from time to time to cheer us up. This is nearly the cost of a months rent for our home. Taking that kind of funds out of our families limited budget makes me feel sick to my stomach. At the same time, all I keep thinking is that this is my last night being ashamed even at home with my own family. Tomorrow will be the last day that I wake up and try to rig my hair up for minimal bald spots showing while fighting the tears and the shame. Then I start feeling guilty at the bit of happiness and relief that builds up as I picture coming home and looking at myself in the mirror and seeing my hair looking pretty and full and healthy again. Does anyone have any ideas of what I could do to avoid the cost of extensions? I have zero other ideas but if anything else was possible to help me through this period I'd jump all over it. I so want to feel good again and yet that money is going to eat me up inside.