Feeling heartbroken and helpless

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Beta, May 30, 2018.

  1. Beta

    Beta Active Member

    I have read and re-read each comment and will continue to come back often to do that. So much wisdom. I'm so thankful for each of you who took the time to write your thoughts and to share your own situation. Just knowing there are others who understand what this is like lessens the sting a little bit and helps me keep going each day. Thank you.
     
  2. overcome mom

    overcome mom Member

    I am new to this forum and it is so good to hear that "I am not the only one" I am sure this sounds awful but at times I wish I wouldn't hear from my son(25). Every time he calls all it is about is asking for money and some crisis he is in. The only time in the last year he has called for something other than that is when he was working and driving and enjoying himself but even then he never asked about my husband or myself.( Jobs only last for 6 weeks) It is so very interesting to hear about all the people with adopted children that have problems. My son is also adopted and his birthmother has the same personality traits. He has a personality disorder, ADD and has been diagnosed with bipolar which I also question. I have just told him I am not bailing him out of jail and am a bit worried for my safety as he too blames us and anyone around him for his problems. I try to focus on that my son needs to find his way and that my job was to raise him the best I could. I think I did this with all the love in my heart and I think some where deep down he knows this but his mental illness if preventing him from seeing this. At times I still see the little boy and it breaks my heart. I know he is scared and frighten and that why he lashes out. I am working on realizing that I can't help him by giving him money. It is only a temporary fix for the moment.
     
  3. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Mine is too. Most everything you say in your post applies to me.

    Which is to say, welcome, overcome mom.

    Why not start your own new thread where people can meet you.? You can go up to forums at the top. To parent support forums. Pick a forum, most likely, Parents Emeritus. You will see instructions which are simple to start a new thread (a blue button, I think), a place of a title and then for text. I will write a note to runawaybunny, the site administrator and alert her that you may want help starting your own thread. You can contact her or most of the rest of us by sending a private message through INBOX. That is up to the top on the right.

    You are NOT alone. Most definitely not. Posting helps.
     
  4. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I have adopted five kids. The ones we adopted older had a lot of problems but our young adoptees are great. How old was your son when you adopted him? Did his birthmother use drugs or drink while pregnant? This is very important. Drugs in utero affect a developing brain. One of my very sweet adopted sons was addicted to crack at birth. He is an adult now and has autism and is doing well and is very lucky that he isnt a mess. But dont fool yourself. Any child who was in a drug or alcohol infested womb will have brain differences and problems in adulthood. That is child abuse before birth and has nothing to do with you. He had these issues before you even met him.

    Please take care if yourself first. Your son us an adult. Whatever problems he has, he can make his life better. We can all reach our highest potential, whatever that is .
     
  5. Snow White

    Snow White Temporarily in the Magic Kingdom

    Beta - sorry to hear of your situation. You have found a wonderful place for support and information. So many have already responded with great comments.

    How many times have each one of us said this? Way too many times. It does not help and seems to reinforce their behaviour.

    Agree so strongly with RN's post. Therapy can help so much. And boundaries...can't say enough about them. We need boundaries to keep ourselves fit and strong. And keep coming here - there is always a shoulder for you.

    SWOT has a good point - it is important to really know what you are dealing with. Our daughter has borderline personality disorder - it has shattered our family and our hearts. The level of vindictiveness, maliciousness and violence almost can't be described. There is nothing our daughter won't say or do to get her way. She was diagnosed as having ADHD and Bipolar Disorder when younger in order to obtain services - a lot of service providers where we live won't work with borderlines.

    Try to take time for the rest of your family. It's important.

    Hugs to you.