Feeling helpless...need to vent

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by clingingtohope, Sep 26, 2008.

  1. clingingtohope

    clingingtohope New Member

    difficult child is doing pretty good with his medications, I see some improvement, although I am sure that they will be increased. He still has trouble focusing and is still getting distracted. Overall I am pleased with how he is doing in such a short time. Can you say no major meltdowns since he started his medications?! That is absolutely unheard of around our house. Sure there has been whining and small fits but nothing like last week or the week before. Yea for progress!

    We do have an issue with school that I do not know how to handle. The dr wanted him moved to the front of the class, he was separated by himself in the back. (Yeah not real happy...brand new school for him and she put him off by himself...way to help him make friends and way to help his self esteem...anyway.) So she moved him to the front, apparently with other kids near him. Well Wednesday I asked him how his day was, as I do everyday, and he said it was ok. He said that the teacher was reading and said something funny so he laughed. He said the kids started making fun of him laughing and one started making fun of his ear (one ear sticks out more than the other and he is very self conscious of it). He said the teacher didnt really do anything. It hurts my heart so bad to know that some brat is making fun of something that my baby cant control. :( To top it all off I asked him yesterday how his day was and the teacher has again separated him from the group. I absolutely dont know what to do for him. Its not fair that she keeps pulling him off by himself, bringing more negative attention to him. She knows what is going on and that he was diagnosed etc etc. Isnt there some kind of rule or something that she cant do this? All of that to not even mention that this isnt his regular teacher...its a long term sub as his teacher will be out the first 8 wks of school, so I will have to explain and go through all of this again. I am so frustrated and aggravated with the whole school thing.

    I am not an aggressive person or one who just tells things like it is. So it is going to be very difficult for me to learn to be aggressive when it comes to these things. GAH! I hate being confrontational but it looks like I am not far from having to be that way.
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Is this a public school? Have you tried to get an IEP for him? One accommodation that is in my son's IEP is for preferential seating to increase his attention.

    I also recommend talking with the school counselor about your son. When my son was new to his elementary school (in 4th grade), the school counselor arranged for a group of boys to eat lunch with her and get to know my son. She also checked in with him to make sure he was adjusting well. It really made a positive difference in what could have been a very difficult transition.
  3. clingingtohope

    clingingtohope New Member

    Yes it is a public school. I havent looked into an IEP yet, we just started medications on Tuesday. I will definitely give the counsleor a call, thank you for that suggestion.
  4. tonime

    tonime toni

    Yes, I agree- you need an IEP or a 504
    It is very important for you to speak to someone about the situation
    especially since it is a new school--you want your difficult child to have a good start
    why is the teacher separating him from the group? This is what you need to find out. If the medications are working--he shouldn't be a distraction to others--also if he can't focus in a group-- perhaps the teacher can "offer" him a "quiet place" to work--it makes a difference on how this is done
    good luck -- and don't be afraid to talk to the principal or vice-principal about your concerns--especially when there is a sub in there for 8 weeks
    I don't like confrontations either-- but usually when we come across showing concern for our children people will work with you
    good luck
  5. Jena

    Jena New Member


    i used to teach and i watched so many teachers do just that, take the child and pop him in a corner like a pair of shoes. listen to the others their helping me in that direction also. no, that shouldn't go on. i'm sorry.

  6. Lillyth

    Lillyth New Member

    I agree. Get him an IEP.

    All you need to do is submit a letter asking for an Independent Education Plan. ADD is a covered condition, so it shouldn't be that hard to get one.

    Good luck!

    I know how hard all of this is. I just had my first IEP meeting last week. I had to be everything that I am not, organized, aggressive and clinical.

    The biggest bit of advice I have to to submit everything in writing, log all conversations, and keep a copy of everything in a binder.

    Oh, and maybe see if there is a local support group that helps parents deal with getting IEPs for their child. A great book is "The Complete IEP Guide: How to Advocate for Your Special Education Child" by Lawrence M. Siegel. It takes you through it step-by-step, and even cites all the laws.

    I took a highlighter to the laws & dog-eared them in anticipation of what they might try to get out of giving me.

    And that thing about your son's ear is just NOT cool.

    I would complain to the teacher about it, and make sure that something is done.
  7. clingingtohope

    clingingtohope New Member

    Thank you so so much for all of the support and advice! I greatly appreciate it and I will keep you updated.
  8. Mac&Cheese

    Mac&Cheese New Member

    I have a couple ideas..far from expert but I do know how kids can be spiteful and mean! First, do a Face to Face meeting with the Teacher, nice but direct about her approach to him in the classroom. Secondly, if this school is in your neighborhood, try developing relationships with kids in his class outside school. Have your son invite them over after school for a specific thing...water ballon fight, Root beer floats, etc. I have had to do those things for all our kids! It just helps him establish friends in school. The ear thing...teacher should have addressed it, but teach your son to make it an asset rather than a disablity! He needs a punchline or joke when made fun of. Also remember that most kids do get made fun of about something! Its how the kid being teased responds that make him/her a target or cool to the other kids.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi Clinging, welcome.
    I just wanted to add my agreement that you should talk to the teacher and the counselor. Find out why he's being sent to the back.
    I also agree that he needs to be trained with-snappy comebacks and ways to converse (my son happened to be adopted into a family that doesn't know anything BUT snappy comebacks and remarks!).
    Our difficult child's teacher has moved the kids in their classroom 3X already this yr! She said she can usually go for a mo or 2 with-o rearranging but this is the most lively class she's ever had. (I'm sure "lively" isn't the word she uses at home :) )
    Sounds like your difficult child's teacher is not being creative ... just making do.
    So sorry.
    Best of luck with-the IEP.