Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Feeling Helpless
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 723951" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Your house/your rules.</p><p></p><p>I did put my daughter out of the house at 19 for drug use and drug use in my house. To our shock, she got a job, went to college on her dime, and got her life together. This isnt always the outcome, but our adult kids dont improve if we pity them and make life easy.</p><p></p><p>Nothing changes if nothing changes. Since they are perfectly happy in our cushy homes and have no real motivation to grow up, it is usually we as the sad parents who must change the rules and get tough, in ways we would rather not, to get our failure to thrive adult kids to stand on their own two feet. They cant believe we will rescue, support them financially, give them free housing and let them do whatever thrybwantb in our homes or they will gladly do things the easy way. They need adult consequences that affect their cozy lives.</p><p></p><p>Getting tough when daughter was young about killed me, but it saved her. The older they get not working, drpendent on unmotivating pot and living with us like a child, the more ingrained the pattern becomes. You dont want him in your basement smoking pot and not working at 30, I am sure. in my opinion the time to push is now, when he is still young and his brain is flexible. He hasnt been like this for ten years...it is easier for him to change NOW.</p><p></p><p>Now, although most do try when their adult kids are young, some dont. I think those that waited have worse results from what I read here.</p><p></p><p>Nobody will say it is easy. It is hard on our hearts to set boundaries and rules and to stick to them. You can maybe start with Son must work and pay rent, which you can save for him and give back to him later. You can set a time limit such as six weeks or three months for him to be doing these basic things.</p><p></p><p>If he fails to do this then you have a meeting and spell out further consequences that can lead to his needing to leave. There are shelters, food pantries and he can apply for Medicaid and a food card.</p><p></p><p>This is just an example of what some of us do to try to get our kids to grow up. You have to work with what is comfortable for you though. Time gives us courage.</p><p></p><p>Do keep coming back. We are a supportive community. We care and want to help.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 723951, member: 1550"] Your house/your rules. I did put my daughter out of the house at 19 for drug use and drug use in my house. To our shock, she got a job, went to college on her dime, and got her life together. This isnt always the outcome, but our adult kids dont improve if we pity them and make life easy. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Since they are perfectly happy in our cushy homes and have no real motivation to grow up, it is usually we as the sad parents who must change the rules and get tough, in ways we would rather not, to get our failure to thrive adult kids to stand on their own two feet. They cant believe we will rescue, support them financially, give them free housing and let them do whatever thrybwantb in our homes or they will gladly do things the easy way. They need adult consequences that affect their cozy lives. Getting tough when daughter was young about killed me, but it saved her. The older they get not working, drpendent on unmotivating pot and living with us like a child, the more ingrained the pattern becomes. You dont want him in your basement smoking pot and not working at 30, I am sure. in my opinion the time to push is now, when he is still young and his brain is flexible. He hasnt been like this for ten years...it is easier for him to change NOW. Now, although most do try when their adult kids are young, some dont. I think those that waited have worse results from what I read here. Nobody will say it is easy. It is hard on our hearts to set boundaries and rules and to stick to them. You can maybe start with Son must work and pay rent, which you can save for him and give back to him later. You can set a time limit such as six weeks or three months for him to be doing these basic things. If he fails to do this then you have a meeting and spell out further consequences that can lead to his needing to leave. There are shelters, food pantries and he can apply for Medicaid and a food card. This is just an example of what some of us do to try to get our kids to grow up. You have to work with what is comfortable for you though. Time gives us courage. Do keep coming back. We are a supportive community. We care and want to help. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Feeling Helpless
Top