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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 724011" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Hunterfied, welcome. I'm sorry you're going thru this with your son. As you can see, you're not alone, we understand how difficult this is.</p><p></p><p>You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. Another resource you might try are 12 step groups. Many here find solace at Families Anonymous, Al Anon, Narc Anon or CoDa.</p><p></p><p>A good book resource is <u>Codependent no more</u> by Melodie Beattie.</p><p></p><p>Many of us choose to find a therapist to help us navigate this terrain with our troubled kids.....it is extremely challenging and many of us need that professional support. If you choose that route, here are 2 places to check into......the Psychology Today website and goodtherapy.org. You can look up therapists in your area. Support groups are helpful as well.</p><p></p><p>It is very hard to put our kids out of our homes. If you read the stories here, you will see the anguish and the deep sorrow and fear that creates. However, many of our kids push us into that stance by their poor choices, negative actions, disrespect to us, manipulations, lying, stealing, etc. Your home is your sanctuary and if your son cannot abide by your rules and be respectful, then you are at a choice point. There are shelters in most cities and towns, you can google that for your area. There are food banks as well. </p><p></p><p>Your son is dragging you and your family thru his bad choices....you're on the hamster wheel without a choice. It is your home, your rules. it may be time for him to suffer the consequences of his behavior. Hanging out at your home, eating, lying, being lazy and disrespectful is not real life......you're prolonging his inability to launch by providing him with all of his needs met.....he has no incentive to change. Most of our kids don't have that incentive, which is why it becomes imperative that WE CHANGE. We need to respond differently. To that end, most of us require a lot of support. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there, get yourself some support, keep posting, set strong boundaries around your son's behaviors and most importantly take care of yourself, put yourself as the priority, focus on your needs and desires. Your son is a grown man, young men his age are fighting for their country.......it sure sounds like it's time for your son to "man up."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 724011, member: 13542"] Hunterfied, welcome. I'm sorry you're going thru this with your son. As you can see, you're not alone, we understand how difficult this is. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. Another resource you might try are 12 step groups. Many here find solace at Families Anonymous, Al Anon, Narc Anon or CoDa. A good book resource is [U]Codependent no more[/U] by Melodie Beattie. Many of us choose to find a therapist to help us navigate this terrain with our troubled kids.....it is extremely challenging and many of us need that professional support. If you choose that route, here are 2 places to check into......the Psychology Today website and goodtherapy.org. You can look up therapists in your area. Support groups are helpful as well. It is very hard to put our kids out of our homes. If you read the stories here, you will see the anguish and the deep sorrow and fear that creates. However, many of our kids push us into that stance by their poor choices, negative actions, disrespect to us, manipulations, lying, stealing, etc. Your home is your sanctuary and if your son cannot abide by your rules and be respectful, then you are at a choice point. There are shelters in most cities and towns, you can google that for your area. There are food banks as well. Your son is dragging you and your family thru his bad choices....you're on the hamster wheel without a choice. It is your home, your rules. it may be time for him to suffer the consequences of his behavior. Hanging out at your home, eating, lying, being lazy and disrespectful is not real life......you're prolonging his inability to launch by providing him with all of his needs met.....he has no incentive to change. Most of our kids don't have that incentive, which is why it becomes imperative that WE CHANGE. We need to respond differently. To that end, most of us require a lot of support. Hang in there, get yourself some support, keep posting, set strong boundaries around your son's behaviors and most importantly take care of yourself, put yourself as the priority, focus on your needs and desires. Your son is a grown man, young men his age are fighting for their country.......it sure sounds like it's time for your son to "man up." [/QUOTE]
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