Feeling helpless


Well-Known Member
Grandparents generally have no legal rights. Don't waste your money. The Supreme Court made a decision for parents and againt grandparents I have heard so it is what it is. Socks, doesn't it?

If your daughter withholds them from you, this is cruel and you don't really have much of a relationship anyway. Don't blame her boyfriend. She is a big girl and could have told him to get lost but she didnt. Too often we blame evil partner and forget that that our kids are the ones who choose to go along with them. Even if there is a breakup there are no guarantees. Our little girls and boys who adored us are gone. Not all grown kids need us. I learned that. The hard and sad way. I hope your daughter comes around.

I am sorry for all your grief.
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New Member
Amy 2355 believe me it took me a while to get to this point and still,sometimes is very hard because part of me still worry. I’m very thankful that my daughter have no kids because I think it will definetly make it harder. We just have to take care of ourselves and have some peace in our lives. I wish I can tell you things will get better but I don’t think so, every time it just gets worse and for some reason start happening around this time....


New Member
its been a while since I've posted, I did what I said and didn't text/call her anymore. actually the longer I went, it did seem easier. I mean I miss her like hell, but what can I do?!?!? longest period I've ever gone with-o talking to her.
Anyways new development .....................................................................................................................................................................

She's having another BABY!!!

I found out from FB, No call to me or her dad.
To be honest, I knew only from being the mom detective we all are and by a posts she made that made me think IS SHE?, I just read in between the lines.

But no call....... that just really hurts. I've said it a million time, that I don't understand why.
so of course I sent her a private message, I just said so me and dad aren't even worthy of a phone call letting us your pregnant, we have to learn this on FB.
then I said I don't know if you even care, but that really hurt us both and we don't deserve the way you're treating us!!
of course no response , actually I can see that she hasn't even opened it yet.

I LOVE babies. and I always believe babies bring their own welcome :) they didn't ask for this, so there is always love from me and Papa.
But I can't / wont let myself be excited about this baby. I haven't see Logan since Jan 15, and I don't know if that's going to change, so why open the heartache more.

SH******* I am just so mad at her for being like this, mad for her being a little disrespectful BI, treating us so badly, keeping my grandkids away, and now having another baby that odds are I wont see.

ugh...... I just want to crawl in bed and cry.

New Leaf

Well-Known Member
Amy, I am so sorry for your aching momma and grandmothers heart. It is so hard with grands involved. Hard when our daughters choose men who are controlling. Your daughter is a young mother with what you have described as an emotionally and possibly physically abusive boyfriend. As I posted before, it is classic for a controlling person to coerce their victims to cut ties with anyone who would possibly support them leaving.
It is an awful circumstance of your daughters choice. She may be under his influence as a way to keep the peace in their relationship. Who knows? Whatever the case may be, sadly, but honestly, you have no control over this situation.
My daughter would come and go with her three kids. We would not hear from them for months, until a crisis, then I would put on my rescue hat and help her with restraining orders, rearrange my home, the grands would be registered in the district school, etc, etc. Unfortunately, my daughter would succumb to her bfs beguiling pleas, she would end up back with him. This went on for a few years. In this time, hubs health declined and he had bouts of hospitalization and illness leading to his passing.
Three grandkids. The eldest is now a teenager. They are living with their paternal grandparents, that’s a whole different chapter of a very long novel, years of this under our belts.
My point in telling you is this.
We love our daughters, our grandkids.
We have absolutely no control over what their decisions are as far as their mates, their kids and their lifestyles.
I know how much this hurts, firsthand. I am sorry for the anguish of it all. I encourage you to build your strength, to find ways to switch focus on what is happening with your daughter. I know that is hard Amy. Hard to read and hard to do.
It is really important for your sanity and your health. There is nothing to come of your losing yourself in the misery of this. We have no control over what our adult kids choose.
In my case, with my two they have said and done some horrible things, including going no contact due to drug addiction. I have been able to remove myself from the hurt of it, by acknowledging that fact and knowing that they would act differently if they were not using. But they are and there is not one thing I can do about it.
It may be the same for your daughter. If she was not with this controlling man, it may be different, it may not.
Understanding this, may help you from falling into the rabbit hole, when there is no contact, or when cruel things are said.
You did not cause this, can’t control or fix it.
Our daughters are adults and will find their own way, regardless of our opinions or feelings. It is a sad fact for us grandmothers, as well as our grandchildren. We are stuck in the middle of a storm we didn’t create or want.
So, what are we left with? Our focus. If we cannot control what our daughters choices are, we might as well look inward. Focus on what we can control. That’s ourselves. It feels off at first, selfish. It is what we wish for our kids and grands, that they be solid, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically well human beings.
We can carry the torch. Embody this as a goal, instead of wasting away over the sadness of something we can’t fix.
I am sorry Amy, from one gramma to another, I feel your pain.
My goal is to be like a phoenix, rising out of the fire and ashes of sorrow, flying high to live the best rest of my life. I think that is the best testament to living well for all of my children and grands.
Be the change.
Grab your life back.


Well-Known Member
I am so sorry to hear about you with your grandkids. I made the choice to remove myself from the battle between my son and his ex. That means deciding not to see my grandson for now. I do know how hard this is . my prayers that both of our grandchildren will know we love them no matter what and that someday we will be able to be a part of their lives without the baggage of our childrens illnesses.