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Feeling hopeless for my adult homeless son
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 653213" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Caybre,</p><p></p><p>Your story is very similar to what I went through with my son. Starting around 14 getting into trouble, drinking, smoking pot, in and out of jail, then prison. My husband and I have spent tens of thousands of dollars on counselors, paying rent, buying a car, clothes, cell phone, etc.......... We spent years trying to "help" him. I had to come to the realization that my son really didn't want help, he just wanted someone to take care of him while he partied and continued to live an irresponsible life. I realized that all I was doing was enabling him and making things easy for him and hard on me.</p><p></p><p>Our adult children make their own choices and there is nothing we can do except let them live their life and we live ours. The only way to do that is to detach. The biggest thing you need to understand is this is not your fault, you did not "do" this to him. It was his choices that let him to where he is.</p><p>Again, he is counting you feeling guilty so you will give in and rescue him.</p><p></p><p></p><p>If this is what he is choosing then you need to accept it. It doesn't mean you have to like it but with acceptance comes the freedom of letting go.</p><p></p><p></p><p>It's time to close the purse and tell him NO. Since he's in Texas and you are in Florida how is contacting you so he can beg? You should limit your contact with him. It is important to set boundaries.</p><p></p><p></p><p>This is no excuse for him to not take responsibility for his life. There are people on this site that are bi-polar and they manage their lives, it's the choice they make.</p><p></p><p></p><p>You have answered your own question here, yes, you need to stop!!</p><p></p><p>Are you getting and counseling for yourself? I would suggest that you do. A good therapist can help you to learn and navigate how to set boundaries. Also, how to help you understand that you have nothing to feel guilty about.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I'm glad you found this site. You will learn from these pages as there are years of experience and wisdom. We are warriors, we are survivors, we live our lives and we thrive. You too will one day claim that. I have been where you are, the feeling of hopelessness, the guilt, the desperation, the confusion, the exhaustion, all of it. I am proof that you can get through this. It's time to start detaching and take your life back. It's ok to that, really it is.</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/notalone.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":notalone:" title="notalone :notalone:" data-shortname=":notalone:" /><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/staystrong.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":staystrong:" title="staystrong :staystrong:" data-shortname=":staystrong:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 653213, member: 18516"] Caybre, Your story is very similar to what I went through with my son. Starting around 14 getting into trouble, drinking, smoking pot, in and out of jail, then prison. My husband and I have spent tens of thousands of dollars on counselors, paying rent, buying a car, clothes, cell phone, etc.......... We spent years trying to "help" him. I had to come to the realization that my son really didn't want help, he just wanted someone to take care of him while he partied and continued to live an irresponsible life. I realized that all I was doing was enabling him and making things easy for him and hard on me. Our adult children make their own choices and there is nothing we can do except let them live their life and we live ours. The only way to do that is to detach. The biggest thing you need to understand is this is not your fault, you did not "do" this to him. It was his choices that let him to where he is. Again, he is counting you feeling guilty so you will give in and rescue him. If this is what he is choosing then you need to accept it. It doesn't mean you have to like it but with acceptance comes the freedom of letting go. It's time to close the purse and tell him NO. Since he's in Texas and you are in Florida how is contacting you so he can beg? You should limit your contact with him. It is important to set boundaries. This is no excuse for him to not take responsibility for his life. There are people on this site that are bi-polar and they manage their lives, it's the choice they make. You have answered your own question here, yes, you need to stop!! Are you getting and counseling for yourself? I would suggest that you do. A good therapist can help you to learn and navigate how to set boundaries. Also, how to help you understand that you have nothing to feel guilty about. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I'm glad you found this site. You will learn from these pages as there are years of experience and wisdom. We are warriors, we are survivors, we live our lives and we thrive. You too will one day claim that. I have been where you are, the feeling of hopelessness, the guilt, the desperation, the confusion, the exhaustion, all of it. I am proof that you can get through this. It's time to start detaching and take your life back. It's ok to that, really it is. :notalone::staystrong: [/QUOTE]
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Feeling hopeless for my adult homeless son
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