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Feeling hopeless for my adult homeless son
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<blockquote data-quote="nlj" data-source="post: 653238" data-attributes="member: 17650"><p>My son is 28.</p><p>He chose homelessness, currently lives in a squat, but is under threat of imminent eviction and will be homeless again.</p><p>I really feel for you and rememember well all those feelings of panic and confusion and sadness that I had over his life choices.</p><p>But it's a lifestyle that he's chosen, just like your son. There are lots of young people who have made those same choices. My son can't live in a house and can't fit in with any society norms. He's out of his tree in more ways than one.</p><p>I know it's impossible for us to imagine choosing this lifesyle or enjoying this lifestyle or surviving on the streets. But they do. They have their own community and support network. </p><p></p><p>You need to find your own suport network and, immediately, stop giving him any money. Now. You need to accept your son's life choices and stop thinking that the world will end if you stop financing it. You need to accept his choices, tell him that you have faith that he will manage and that you have confidence in him. Tell him that you love him and that, although you find it very hard to see him living like this, you respect the fact that he is an adult and has made these choices and you know that he'll sort it out.</p><p></p><p>I know this is hard to hear and I know that it goes against all our mothering instincts to step in and rescue them. But you are doing him no good by funding him and you will become more and more resentful and it will ruin any relationship you have with him.</p><p></p><p>I accept my son's life and meet him regularly. We use humour often as a way of dealing with the lifestyle gulf between us. I do not provide any financial support of any kind, apart from taking him warm socks and pastries whenever I visit. I don't know where he will go when he is inevitably evicted, but he definitely won't live in a house and won't have a normal life by my standards... and that's fine.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="nlj, post: 653238, member: 17650"] My son is 28. He chose homelessness, currently lives in a squat, but is under threat of imminent eviction and will be homeless again. I really feel for you and rememember well all those feelings of panic and confusion and sadness that I had over his life choices. But it's a lifestyle that he's chosen, just like your son. There are lots of young people who have made those same choices. My son can't live in a house and can't fit in with any society norms. He's out of his tree in more ways than one. I know it's impossible for us to imagine choosing this lifesyle or enjoying this lifestyle or surviving on the streets. But they do. They have their own community and support network. You need to find your own suport network and, immediately, stop giving him any money. Now. You need to accept your son's life choices and stop thinking that the world will end if you stop financing it. You need to accept his choices, tell him that you have faith that he will manage and that you have confidence in him. Tell him that you love him and that, although you find it very hard to see him living like this, you respect the fact that he is an adult and has made these choices and you know that he'll sort it out. I know this is hard to hear and I know that it goes against all our mothering instincts to step in and rescue them. But you are doing him no good by funding him and you will become more and more resentful and it will ruin any relationship you have with him. I accept my son's life and meet him regularly. We use humour often as a way of dealing with the lifestyle gulf between us. I do not provide any financial support of any kind, apart from taking him warm socks and pastries whenever I visit. I don't know where he will go when he is inevitably evicted, but he definitely won't live in a house and won't have a normal life by my standards... and that's fine. [/QUOTE]
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Feeling hopeless for my adult homeless son
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