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Feeling hopeless....
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 623383" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Welcome.....It is such a hard place to be with one child who is now 18 and legally and adult and lying using drugs and taking advantage of others in the family.</p><p></p><p>As others have said you cannot control her... and you cannot make her grandparents not save her either. All you can do is set your own boundaries and to be clear on what you are willing to do and not do for her.</p><p></p><p>If you are comfortable I might talk to the grandparents about the situation and let them know what your limits are... set their expectations that in fact if they have her living in their house they are taking the risk and it is not your responsibility to save them from her shenanigans.</p><p></p><p>I would definitely do something about the car and insurance being in your name. If she has a horrible accident due to driving under the influence you do not want to be responsible for that. So I would take the car back and cancel her off your insurance.</p><p></p><p>As far as dinner.....first think about what you want....and then if you want to invite her. But I would be clear with yourself about what your limits are and if she starts creating a scene be willing to tell her to leave. How are your other kids handling her drama etc?</p><p></p><p>And as far as the lying..... well I have realized that I cannot believe anything my son says. I dont trust him. It just is. I no longer try to get the truth out of him. At the moment my difficult child is in a long term rehab program and is doing well so I am more likely to believe him.... but I still take what he says with a grain of salt. It is hard but true.</p><p></p><p>And my recommendation is not to go there with her accusations and trying to get clarity.... I have done that with my son and when they are in a spewing place they will spew at you all sorts of stuff..... and when he is in a better place he doesnt blame me for where he got himself. So that conversation is not really helpful and can just add to your feelings of guilt.</p><p></p><p>Fact is we all did the best we could at the time, and I bet all of us made mistakes as all parents do.....and in the end they are adults and at this point their future is up to them not to us.</p><p></p><p>TL</p><p></p><p></p><p>Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 623383, member: 15801"] Welcome.....It is such a hard place to be with one child who is now 18 and legally and adult and lying using drugs and taking advantage of others in the family. As others have said you cannot control her... and you cannot make her grandparents not save her either. All you can do is set your own boundaries and to be clear on what you are willing to do and not do for her. If you are comfortable I might talk to the grandparents about the situation and let them know what your limits are... set their expectations that in fact if they have her living in their house they are taking the risk and it is not your responsibility to save them from her shenanigans. I would definitely do something about the car and insurance being in your name. If she has a horrible accident due to driving under the influence you do not want to be responsible for that. So I would take the car back and cancel her off your insurance. As far as dinner.....first think about what you want....and then if you want to invite her. But I would be clear with yourself about what your limits are and if she starts creating a scene be willing to tell her to leave. How are your other kids handling her drama etc? And as far as the lying..... well I have realized that I cannot believe anything my son says. I dont trust him. It just is. I no longer try to get the truth out of him. At the moment my difficult child is in a long term rehab program and is doing well so I am more likely to believe him.... but I still take what he says with a grain of salt. It is hard but true. And my recommendation is not to go there with her accusations and trying to get clarity.... I have done that with my son and when they are in a spewing place they will spew at you all sorts of stuff..... and when he is in a better place he doesnt blame me for where he got himself. So that conversation is not really helpful and can just add to your feelings of guilt. Fact is we all did the best we could at the time, and I bet all of us made mistakes as all parents do.....and in the end they are adults and at this point their future is up to them not to us. TL Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app [/QUOTE]
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