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Feeling hopeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 639461" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>JFK, my heart goes out to. Fear can be such a paralyzing force but it doesn't have to be. We have no control over the choices our adult difficult child's make. While their choices break our hearts we don't have to let them break us.</p><p> My difficult child has broken my heart so many times you would think I would be numb to it by now. I have learned that I have to let go if I want to save my sanity. I know my difficult child is homeless in CO. It has been 7 months since I have had contact with him. I exchanged letters while he was in jail, however once he was released, I haven't heard from him. He did recently post something on FB that my sister shared with me, he was complaining about being homeless, having to beg for food so he wouldn't starve, and basically saying he is fed up with his life and that no one would miss him if he disappeared. He also lied in his post claiming that I never wrote to him while he was in jail, claiming that I didn’t care about him.</p><p>Reading those words broke my heart and I was also angry that he lied. He unfriended me from FB 2 years ago so I had no way to call him out on his lie. I also know how he can use words to manipulate people.</p><p>I had to let it all go as holding on to any of it only hurts me. My husband and I have tried more times than I can remember to help our difficult child and I finally realized that he really didn’t want any help. It was hard to accept that fact but with that acceptance I was able to really let go. That does not mean that I stopped loving him but it freed me. I have accepted the reality of the situation for what it is. He is homeless and doesn’t care if he lives or dies and there is nothing I can do about it. On some level I have started the grieving process. I grieve for the son I used to have.</p><p>This does not mean that I have given up hope as I will continue to pray for him but I cannot continue to lay awake at night worrying and wondering, allowing my mind to conjure up the worst scenarios. I cannot allow the fear of the unknown and what if’s to consume me.</p><p>I still have to get up every day and go to work. I still have a life to live.</p><p>I completely agree with what RE said about calming yourself, focusing and breathing, these technique’s really work.</p><p>Sending you hugs and prayers.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 639461, member: 18516"] JFK, my heart goes out to. Fear can be such a paralyzing force but it doesn't have to be. We have no control over the choices our adult difficult child's make. While their choices break our hearts we don't have to let them break us. My difficult child has broken my heart so many times you would think I would be numb to it by now. I have learned that I have to let go if I want to save my sanity. I know my difficult child is homeless in CO. It has been 7 months since I have had contact with him. I exchanged letters while he was in jail, however once he was released, I haven't heard from him. He did recently post something on FB that my sister shared with me, he was complaining about being homeless, having to beg for food so he wouldn't starve, and basically saying he is fed up with his life and that no one would miss him if he disappeared. He also lied in his post claiming that I never wrote to him while he was in jail, claiming that I didn’t care about him. Reading those words broke my heart and I was also angry that he lied. He unfriended me from FB 2 years ago so I had no way to call him out on his lie. I also know how he can use words to manipulate people. I had to let it all go as holding on to any of it only hurts me. My husband and I have tried more times than I can remember to help our difficult child and I finally realized that he really didn’t want any help. It was hard to accept that fact but with that acceptance I was able to really let go. That does not mean that I stopped loving him but it freed me. I have accepted the reality of the situation for what it is. He is homeless and doesn’t care if he lives or dies and there is nothing I can do about it. On some level I have started the grieving process. I grieve for the son I used to have. This does not mean that I have given up hope as I will continue to pray for him but I cannot continue to lay awake at night worrying and wondering, allowing my mind to conjure up the worst scenarios. I cannot allow the fear of the unknown and what if’s to consume me. I still have to get up every day and go to work. I still have a life to live. I completely agree with what RE said about calming yourself, focusing and breathing, these technique’s really work. Sending you hugs and prayers. [/QUOTE]
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