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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 706506" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>ksm. This is an impossible situation. I cannot understand how the system could fail you in this way. Basically making you responsible for the behavior of a law-breaker and also exposed to the bad behavior and the risk presented by her cohorts.</p><p> I think this was a wise choice.</p><p>Horrible. But better you know. Are you in the USA or Canada? If Canada, she is of age very shortly, is this not correct? If USA, have you thought of Job Corps? This is a free job training program where the kids get fully supervised, they live there. My son did it. I believe they accept kids as young as 16 or 17. They accept kids with problems.</p><p></p><p>I will only state what I feel: I am old. I think you are younger than I am, but not a spring chicken, either. Your husband has an illness, that can be exacerbated by stress. You cannot stop her from self-destructing. You have done everything, and then did it again, with each of these girls. I think I might do only the minimum required by the law so as to not get in trouble yourselves.</p><p></p><p>All of this you will find in earlier threads: take the phone; take off the doors; take away the computer; have a strict curfew. Put on a front door lock with a keypad which will have a secondary code to put on when she has not arrived home by the indicated time (I am unsure if this is legal; I would call the police and find out. Actually, I would sit down with a juvenile probation officer and with child welfare and I would find out from them exactly what are your obligations, and what kinds of consequences you can legally give her.) Then call the police and report her missing. Check in with school every day to see if she has arrived. If not, call the appropriate department to report her missing. You get my drift.</p><p></p><p>Finally. You understand now that you have no control over her, her decisions and conduct. You must accept this. You only control yourself and your responses. All of this you will review with appropriate authorities. It is a waiting game now until she is of age.</p><p></p><p>Personally, I would withdraw. I would marginalize her in the house to the extent that you can. I would try very hard to not personalize this (I know how hard this is). While you are her victim, it is not personal. She would be doing this to any mother. You need to get yourself out of the way.</p><p></p><p>Finally. Finally. Whatever you can do for yourself, do it. Activities. Groups. Whatever is your hobby: quilting, sewing, crochet, an art class, church, horseback riding, martial arts, a book club, bridge, mah jongg, whatever. At home I would set up a sanctuary where you can quietly read, sit, watch tv. The important thing is that you and your husband get through this without major damage. I know how hard it is. Really. I do.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation. I am glad you are here. Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 706506, member: 18958"] ksm. This is an impossible situation. I cannot understand how the system could fail you in this way. Basically making you responsible for the behavior of a law-breaker and also exposed to the bad behavior and the risk presented by her cohorts. I think this was a wise choice. Horrible. But better you know. Are you in the USA or Canada? If Canada, she is of age very shortly, is this not correct? If USA, have you thought of Job Corps? This is a free job training program where the kids get fully supervised, they live there. My son did it. I believe they accept kids as young as 16 or 17. They accept kids with problems. I will only state what I feel: I am old. I think you are younger than I am, but not a spring chicken, either. Your husband has an illness, that can be exacerbated by stress. You cannot stop her from self-destructing. You have done everything, and then did it again, with each of these girls. I think I might do only the minimum required by the law so as to not get in trouble yourselves. All of this you will find in earlier threads: take the phone; take off the doors; take away the computer; have a strict curfew. Put on a front door lock with a keypad which will have a secondary code to put on when she has not arrived home by the indicated time (I am unsure if this is legal; I would call the police and find out. Actually, I would sit down with a juvenile probation officer and with child welfare and I would find out from them exactly what are your obligations, and what kinds of consequences you can legally give her.) Then call the police and report her missing. Check in with school every day to see if she has arrived. If not, call the appropriate department to report her missing. You get my drift. Finally. You understand now that you have no control over her, her decisions and conduct. You must accept this. You only control yourself and your responses. All of this you will review with appropriate authorities. It is a waiting game now until she is of age. Personally, I would withdraw. I would marginalize her in the house to the extent that you can. I would try very hard to not personalize this (I know how hard this is). While you are her victim, it is not personal. She would be doing this to any mother. You need to get yourself out of the way. Finally. Finally. Whatever you can do for yourself, do it. Activities. Groups. Whatever is your hobby: quilting, sewing, crochet, an art class, church, horseback riding, martial arts, a book club, bridge, mah jongg, whatever. At home I would set up a sanctuary where you can quietly read, sit, watch tv. The important thing is that you and your husband get through this without major damage. I know how hard it is. Really. I do. I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation. I am glad you are here. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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