<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Ilovemyson</div><div class="ubbcode-body">So, to go along with this:
How on earth do you get your child(ren) to listen?
Beaner has done nothing but FIGHT me on everything. It is to the point that I do not know what to do. </div></div>
For me, it was picking my battles. My difficult child fights me on everything, too, when her issues are sky high (in her case anxiety and depression). And I do mean everything, without exception. During those times (read: school year, in our case), I let everything go except for what is absolutely necessary. Then I start working on one thing at a time.
This is something that creates a lot of conflict in my house, because easy child doesn't understand that line of thinking. He's 16; he doesn't need to understand. It's just the way it is. But, in order to try to keep some semblance of peace in the house, I pick that one thing with him in mind. For example, easy child is a neat freak and difficult child is a slob. They have ALWAYS been that way. So, for a while last year, the one thing was that difficult child had to pick up after herself. I didn't let her pull me into an argument. I just kept repeating what needed to be done. I felt like a broken record. I didn't enforce consequences so much, but I did get a little creative. For example, difficult child eats all day long. She's always been that way, too. She must have a hollow leg. Anyway, she can never seem to get her dishes in the sink or dishwasher. So, I bought disposable plates and utensils just for her and told her that she was to use them and why. She really didn't like feeling singled out, so she started putting her dirty dishes in the sink. No fight. by the way, I still have almost every single disposable plate and utensil.
It's important to keep in mind that often these behaviors are a symptom rather than the problem. Like I said, in our case I know when difficult child's anxiety is high, it's not going to be pretty in our house. But now that school's out, she's almost easy child. When you can start to see it in that perspective it becomes much easier to deal with, in my opinion.
Another thing that I think bears mentioning is that even though we know our kids have issues that make it more challenging, we still expect the same things as we do from your typical (for lack of a better word) kid. I really don't think we can view success as a generic kind of thing for our kids. It's much more individual and unique. While for most kids these days going to college, getting a good job, buying the big house seems to be the way to measure success, for a lot of our kids just getting through school, holding a job - any job - and able to live independently is success. IOW, our expectations must be based on what our children are capable of, not based on how society views success. I just want my daughter to be happy. I don't want her life to be so miserable as it seems it is a lot of the time. I don't care if she ever lives on her own, as long as she can find some joy.