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Feeling like a terrible mother but....
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<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 655004" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>First, you are NOT a terrible mother. So just get that out of your head right now <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I don't believe so. But, you will find a different kind of relationship with her, one you can live with. </p><p></p><p>I know <em><strong>so</strong></em> well that dance of crisis one day, happy go lucky the next. It <strong>IS</strong> maddening! But in a way, that dance has helped me - because I [slowly] learned not to panic when a crisis does arise. There is no point in throwing myself into a panic over something that may well be completely out of my kid's mind in 24 hours. Sometimes I have to check myself, but for the most part I've gotten pretty good at this. </p><p></p><p>Like RE, the more I kept firm boundaries in place, the more my Oldest respected those boundaries. I changed, and she changed. Her life is still in a cycle of chaos, but it's controlled chaos, for the most part - and she doesn't involve me in that cycle much any more. It's hard work though, and takes time. But it does work. </p><p></p><p>You're doing great -- just from your posts in the past few weeks, I can see real progress in your thinking about all this .. so give yourself a pat on the back for that. And a margarita or something <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 655004, member: 1157"] First, you are NOT a terrible mother. So just get that out of your head right now :) I don't believe so. But, you will find a different kind of relationship with her, one you can live with. I know [I][B]so[/B][/I] well that dance of crisis one day, happy go lucky the next. It [B]IS[/B] maddening! But in a way, that dance has helped me - because I [slowly] learned not to panic when a crisis does arise. There is no point in throwing myself into a panic over something that may well be completely out of my kid's mind in 24 hours. Sometimes I have to check myself, but for the most part I've gotten pretty good at this. Like RE, the more I kept firm boundaries in place, the more my Oldest respected those boundaries. I changed, and she changed. Her life is still in a cycle of chaos, but it's controlled chaos, for the most part - and she doesn't involve me in that cycle much any more. It's hard work though, and takes time. But it does work. You're doing great -- just from your posts in the past few weeks, I can see real progress in your thinking about all this .. so give yourself a pat on the back for that. And a margarita or something :) [/QUOTE]
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