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Feeling like a terrible mother but....
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 655168" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>Hi Weary, coming in a bit late on this, I'm sorry.</p><p></p><p>LIke many others, I have had the same experience, and the same reaction.</p><p></p><p>One day when he called to chat, I said "it makes me feel very uncomfortable to be having this pleasant chitchat when I know that you are out on the street, begging, stealing, living under a bridge and using drugs. That conflict causes me a lot of stress. I need to take care of myself, so I don't want to have this kind of conversation any more."</p><p></p><p>Somewhat to my surprise, since part of his issue is being on the autism spectrum, he got it. Right away. That, at least, has never been an issue since (plenty of other things are). We do talk now, 4 minutes a day. He calls me from jail. We talk about real issues (what his understanding is of how he got there), and also lighter talk (how he likes the books I've sent him, odds and ends of what goes on in jail and what is going on in the life of the family). But it feels more honest now.</p><p></p><p>I'm glad I said it. It felt like a huge relief in that moment. Even if he had hung up and never spoken to me again I think I would be glad. It is its own form of gaslighting, when they call and chatter about how great life is. Anything that undermines your own sense of reality is bad for you. And you, Weary, are working on you now.</p><p></p><p>Good luck. These are hard days. I hope it gets better for you.</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 655168, member: 17269"] Hi Weary, coming in a bit late on this, I'm sorry. LIke many others, I have had the same experience, and the same reaction. One day when he called to chat, I said "it makes me feel very uncomfortable to be having this pleasant chitchat when I know that you are out on the street, begging, stealing, living under a bridge and using drugs. That conflict causes me a lot of stress. I need to take care of myself, so I don't want to have this kind of conversation any more." Somewhat to my surprise, since part of his issue is being on the autism spectrum, he got it. Right away. That, at least, has never been an issue since (plenty of other things are). We do talk now, 4 minutes a day. He calls me from jail. We talk about real issues (what his understanding is of how he got there), and also lighter talk (how he likes the books I've sent him, odds and ends of what goes on in jail and what is going on in the life of the family). But it feels more honest now. I'm glad I said it. It felt like a huge relief in that moment. Even if he had hung up and never spoken to me again I think I would be glad. It is its own form of gaslighting, when they call and chatter about how great life is. Anything that undermines your own sense of reality is bad for you. And you, Weary, are working on you now. Good luck. These are hard days. I hope it gets better for you. Echo [/QUOTE]
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