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Feeling like I failed granddaughter - what to do?
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<blockquote data-quote="SuperG" data-source="post: 707262" data-attributes="member: 19130"><p>Hi MollyB, glad you're here, but sad that you're dealing with this situation <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /></p><p></p><p>You did everything right. Trust me. You did. The guilt is horrible, and we can all relate to your feelings of guilt. That might be the hardest part of dealing with a difficult grown child/grandchild. We always just know we did something wrong to cause the messes they make. NOT TRUE. </p><p></p><p>I wish I'd found this group many years ago when I first started having issues with my grown daughter. I was a fixer, and a helicopter mom. I continued with that nonsense way longer than I should have, thinking it was the right way to parent, but now I know it wasn't. </p><p></p><p>There comes a time when nothing you do for them will be the right thing, and they will always want more and more. It's one thing to help support a college student who is responsible and making good grades (when they make good grades they WANT to share that info with you). When they decide they want to do their own thing, but send you the bill, that's the first sign that you might be an enabler. Enabling (doing something for someone who CAN and SHOULD be doing it for themselves) is never a good thing. </p><p></p><p>Read the post here about disengaging (I think that's what it's called). Print it and read it often. There will be a lot of helpful folks come along with better advice here, but I just wanted to say hi, and hang in there. Come here for support. We understand each other, and some of these gals have been a bright light in my day so many times.</p><p></p><p>Hugs <3</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuperG, post: 707262, member: 19130"] Hi MollyB, glad you're here, but sad that you're dealing with this situation :( You did everything right. Trust me. You did. The guilt is horrible, and we can all relate to your feelings of guilt. That might be the hardest part of dealing with a difficult grown child/grandchild. We always just know we did something wrong to cause the messes they make. NOT TRUE. I wish I'd found this group many years ago when I first started having issues with my grown daughter. I was a fixer, and a helicopter mom. I continued with that nonsense way longer than I should have, thinking it was the right way to parent, but now I know it wasn't. There comes a time when nothing you do for them will be the right thing, and they will always want more and more. It's one thing to help support a college student who is responsible and making good grades (when they make good grades they WANT to share that info with you). When they decide they want to do their own thing, but send you the bill, that's the first sign that you might be an enabler. Enabling (doing something for someone who CAN and SHOULD be doing it for themselves) is never a good thing. Read the post here about disengaging (I think that's what it's called). Print it and read it often. There will be a lot of helpful folks come along with better advice here, but I just wanted to say hi, and hang in there. Come here for support. We understand each other, and some of these gals have been a bright light in my day so many times. Hugs <3 [/QUOTE]
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Feeling like I failed granddaughter - what to do?
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