Feeling like my name should be "Mood Swing Mary"

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by nvts, Feb 8, 2011.

  1. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    What the heck is wrong with me, anyway? Holy crow - I can't sit through a Valentines Day commercial without crying or getting po'd. You'd think that I'd have this all wrapped up already.

    I'm so mad at myself for still loving him. He's been a real rat. We're getting along right now (maybe he's looking to keep a majority of the tax returns - who knows?). difficult child 1 told me that he thinks I should ask him to move back in because this single parent thing is harder than he thought it would be. difficult child 2 wants me to start dating because he feels his dad is a jerk (he says his dad yells all the time or ignores him) and difficult child 3 is a PITA with a capital P.

    I think that the Valentines thing is bothering me because it was the very first holiday we celebrated together. He always made a fuss over it (to me it was always a "Hallmark Holiday") and it was touching.

    Totally lost on this subject - I was always so matter-of-fact about this stuff and I can't get a grip on this junk.

    What a big baby!


  2. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    You know, I think when people go through a major change in relationships in life, they go through a period of mourning for what could have been, or what things were. I know I did when husband's BiPolar (BP) got bad, after the first 2 or 3 hospitalizations and when he lost touch with reality.

    Hugs. I think that in your heart you will know if your choice is right or not, and I would not base his current kind behavior on any decision. If Valentine's was his holiday, then that may explain the change of hear.
  3. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    And as for still loving him? you spent a majority of your life with him, had 4 kids with him, I don't think it is wrong to still love him, but it is wise to see him for who he is and make a good decision for you and your kids.

    Also know, (I am an example), it is easier to give out this advice than to take it
  4. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Valentine's Day is a kick in the rear to a lot of people, and not just those who are single or separated.

    Honestly? My first V-day with husband, I took half a day off work, made a gourmet dinner, bought him flowers... He sent me flowers at work, chocolates, and it was awesome. Since then... It's mostly just another day. Last year, he worked.

    It's a sad day in ways, because you mourn what MIGHT have been or MIGHT still be. Love is weird like that.
  5. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You are not a baby! You have been on fast forward for so long you have not had a chance to mourn the loss of this relationship. So, if V-day helps you do it....so be it.

    Cry, scream, punch if you must (just make sure it is something soft!) but just get it out there and let it go.
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Not a baby.

    You're mourning the potential of what your relationship could have been with this man. And as for loving him still? Love doesn't turn off and on like a faucet. You spent many years together (which I'm assuming were not all bad yrs) had children together, so there will always be some feeling for the man.

    Time will heal, it truly will. By allowing yourself to actually feel the emotions you're getting rid of them. Good thing. It helps to speed the process along.

  7. AHHUM

    AHHUM New Member

    Yep, gotta agree with the board here.

    You will always love the man you thought he was.

    Cry, don't hide it, don't stop it, just let it all out. You will find you feel better afterwards, except for the stuffy nose & red eyes & running mascara perhaps, but mentally, it will let you move on. The best revenge is getting on with it & showing him you can do it without him. GO SISTER!
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Valentines day. Hmm. Ive often wondered about this day. I dont know of many people over the age of 7 who get it quite right...lol. Back in early grade school everyone made valentines and put them in each others shoe box's. That was fun. Now? Its like oh goody, spend a bunch of money on flowers that will die in 3 days and then wonder if you look good enough in some sexy undies or if you remembered to shave your legs because you just know the night has to end with sex even though you have been up all day dealing with the kids and you are worn to the bone!

    Personally, I would rather have a hersey's bar, the remote and a diet coke. LOL.
  9. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Oh- I thought this was going to be a thread about menopause and I was going to suggest always timing your kids' births so they aren't hitting puberty when you're hitting "that age". I'm starting to think this is where I went wrong. LOL!

    I can only sympathize with the Valentine's Day woes though. I would tend to agree with the others about your feelings- don't beat yourself up over it. It's sure beats not being able to feel anything for anyone.
  10. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Beth - you are so *not* a baby!!!! You haven't had a chance to reconcile all the feelings related to this. Life has kept on going, you've had to keep on taking care of the kids and dealing with the day to day stuff. I don't think it's surprising at all that V-day is throwing you. Goodness! Please, be kinder to yourself and give yourself credit for all that you are continuing to accomplish - I'm not sure I'd be as functional as you, were I in your shoes.

    Personally, my first thought was along the lines of Janet's, LOL. A monster box of chocolates, (wine instead of Diet Coke), the remote, and a comfy blanket on the couch. I think I'd throw in a big bouquet of flowers just for good measure.

    Many hugs to you hon.
  11. barneysmom

    barneysmom Member

    Not a baby! A woman with human feelings she hardly has time for.

    You've got such great and heartfelt advice from the others -- nothing to add. Except you can spend Valentine's evening here with us at CD! We'll be great company.

  12. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    I totally agree with the others - Be easy on yourself. You've had to deal with so many issues thrown at you all at once without having enough time to take care of yourself.

    LOL - I think Janet has the right idea!!! Hugs... SFR
  13. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Just sending hugs. You'll get through this and it will get better. You are one heck of a strong woman.