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Feeling Lost and Alone
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 675694" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi Kimberly,</p><p></p><p>Welcome. I am so sorry you find yourself in this nightmare. The first thing is to face it. It is what it is.</p><p></p><p>It does not have to be your nightmare. It is your daughter's choices that have created it. And only she can undue it. Can reverse it. Change. She can.'</p><p></p><p>First I think is to protect yourself, your home, your other children, your family from her. She is choosing to act against her own family. Actually, preying among them.</p><p></p><p>As I see it, she must leave. The home is where you are protected. Safe. Insulated. As long as she is there she is subverting all of that.</p><p></p><p>What can you do, if she is acting in such a way that her bail will be revoked? This is between her and Society now. A mother has nothing to do with it.</p><p></p><p>She will have to accept the consequences of her choices, her behaviors.</p><p></p><p>If it were me, knowing what I do, now, I would insist she leave. How can she stay, after she has stolen from everybody? Research available drug treatment options, and give these to her. Is she still covered under your insurance?</p><p></p><p>You may need support to do this. Al-Anon and therapy would be options. Your county may have, under the Department of Mental Health, a drug and alcohol office. They might offer you assistance.</p><p></p><p>The only thing beyond giving her the choice to enter treatment or to leave, is the thing that is most important. You. Your security. Your peace of mind. That of your family. Your daughter is old enough to be responsible for herself. She has already taken those steps. It is to recognize it.</p><p></p><p>She has chosen to leave college. It was a choice. She can make other choices. Better ones. But only once the reality of things is acted upon and acknowledged.</p><p></p><p>Your situation is not hopeless. But as long as you shelter her, you will be tied to her and suffer the consequences of her choices which now are governed by her addiction. You will always love her but your love for her will change nothing. Not now.</p><p></p><p>I think you have to find a way in yourself to love her...accepting that she is a drug addict. And that to decide for yourself and your family, you cannot have a drug addict who is acting feloniously, live in your home and continue to prey.</p><p></p><p>She can change. But you cannot change her. No matter how much you love her. No matter what were her gifts. No matter what were your dreams for her.</p><p></p><p>Only she can change herself.</p><p></p><p>I do not want to hurt you. I am wondering if I am being harsh. What is it that you would like to hear? What would be the thing that would give you peace? </p><p></p><p>I am so sorry. I wish it were difference. I hope you keep posting. Others will come soon. You will find your way. I know you will. </p><p></p><p>I believe your daughter will too. She must.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 675694, member: 18958"] Hi Kimberly, Welcome. I am so sorry you find yourself in this nightmare. The first thing is to face it. It is what it is. It does not have to be your nightmare. It is your daughter's choices that have created it. And only she can undue it. Can reverse it. Change. She can.' First I think is to protect yourself, your home, your other children, your family from her. She is choosing to act against her own family. Actually, preying among them. As I see it, she must leave. The home is where you are protected. Safe. Insulated. As long as she is there she is subverting all of that. What can you do, if she is acting in such a way that her bail will be revoked? This is between her and Society now. A mother has nothing to do with it. She will have to accept the consequences of her choices, her behaviors. If it were me, knowing what I do, now, I would insist she leave. How can she stay, after she has stolen from everybody? Research available drug treatment options, and give these to her. Is she still covered under your insurance? You may need support to do this. Al-Anon and therapy would be options. Your county may have, under the Department of Mental Health, a drug and alcohol office. They might offer you assistance. The only thing beyond giving her the choice to enter treatment or to leave, is the thing that is most important. You. Your security. Your peace of mind. That of your family. Your daughter is old enough to be responsible for herself. She has already taken those steps. It is to recognize it. She has chosen to leave college. It was a choice. She can make other choices. Better ones. But only once the reality of things is acted upon and acknowledged. Your situation is not hopeless. But as long as you shelter her, you will be tied to her and suffer the consequences of her choices which now are governed by her addiction. You will always love her but your love for her will change nothing. Not now. I think you have to find a way in yourself to love her...accepting that she is a drug addict. And that to decide for yourself and your family, you cannot have a drug addict who is acting feloniously, live in your home and continue to prey. She can change. But you cannot change her. No matter how much you love her. No matter what were her gifts. No matter what were your dreams for her. Only she can change herself. I do not want to hurt you. I am wondering if I am being harsh. What is it that you would like to hear? What would be the thing that would give you peace? I am so sorry. I wish it were difference. I hope you keep posting. Others will come soon. You will find your way. I know you will. I believe your daughter will too. She must. COPA [/QUOTE]
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