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Feeling Lost and Alone
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<blockquote data-quote="Seeking Peace" data-source="post: 675696" data-attributes="member: 19374"><p>Hi Kimberly,</p><p></p><p>I am always so amazed at the number of new people who post. How prevalent this thread seems to be in our society.</p><p></p><p>I think the lying and stealing are drug provoked too BUT that certainly doesn't excuse it. I know for myself, I've used my daughter's mental illness as an excuse for her choices and actions. What I really was doing was merely enabling her to continue. Excusing her from getting help.</p><p></p><p>My point is everyone, no matter what the problem, has a choice to seek help. Don't allow yourself to feel like you're failing her or think less of all you've done already. The hard reality IS that you cannot fix this. You can not love her better. You can love her, you can offer emotional support, but you cannot do it for her. If we could, this forum wouldn't exist.</p><p></p><p>I know it's hard. I know your heart is breaking. I know the heavy grief you must feel. Believe me, we all do. This is a safe place for you. A place to read what others have posted. To seek input if you want. Just to have a place to allow your sorrow a rest.</p><p></p><p>I do believe it'll get better for your daughter, but it may not be as soon as you'd like. She has to own her choices first. You have to allow her to face the consequences of her choices. Sometimes we are helping them in the long run when we stop trying to rescue them. Tell your daughter you love her, and you fully believe in her ability to make the right choices from here. Sadly, jail may not be a bad thing in this case...or court ordered drug program. Either way, these are consequences for her choices. </p><p></p><p>Reality is stealing and lying from others is never okay. Don't excuse that because of drugs. Don't allow your daughter to respect you less by looking past it. Let her know that is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. That she is an adult who knows right from wrong. Those choices are her's to make, but the consequence will be she'll have to live elsewhere if she continues it. But be sure you mean it and follow through. Otherwise she'll respect what you say and feel even less. Being your child doesn't mean she can do that to you. Being her mom does not mean you have to tolerate it more either. </p><p></p><p>You are not any less of a mom for choosing to detach. In that sense, I mean enabling. Bailing out. Trying to fix. </p><p></p><p>We are here if you need a soft place to land. We all get it. ((Hugs))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Seeking Peace, post: 675696, member: 19374"] Hi Kimberly, I am always so amazed at the number of new people who post. How prevalent this thread seems to be in our society. I think the lying and stealing are drug provoked too BUT that certainly doesn't excuse it. I know for myself, I've used my daughter's mental illness as an excuse for her choices and actions. What I really was doing was merely enabling her to continue. Excusing her from getting help. My point is everyone, no matter what the problem, has a choice to seek help. Don't allow yourself to feel like you're failing her or think less of all you've done already. The hard reality IS that you cannot fix this. You can not love her better. You can love her, you can offer emotional support, but you cannot do it for her. If we could, this forum wouldn't exist. I know it's hard. I know your heart is breaking. I know the heavy grief you must feel. Believe me, we all do. This is a safe place for you. A place to read what others have posted. To seek input if you want. Just to have a place to allow your sorrow a rest. I do believe it'll get better for your daughter, but it may not be as soon as you'd like. She has to own her choices first. You have to allow her to face the consequences of her choices. Sometimes we are helping them in the long run when we stop trying to rescue them. Tell your daughter you love her, and you fully believe in her ability to make the right choices from here. Sadly, jail may not be a bad thing in this case...or court ordered drug program. Either way, these are consequences for her choices. Reality is stealing and lying from others is never okay. Don't excuse that because of drugs. Don't allow your daughter to respect you less by looking past it. Let her know that is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. That she is an adult who knows right from wrong. Those choices are her's to make, but the consequence will be she'll have to live elsewhere if she continues it. But be sure you mean it and follow through. Otherwise she'll respect what you say and feel even less. Being your child doesn't mean she can do that to you. Being her mom does not mean you have to tolerate it more either. You are not any less of a mom for choosing to detach. In that sense, I mean enabling. Bailing out. Trying to fix. We are here if you need a soft place to land. We all get it. ((Hugs)) [/QUOTE]
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