Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless

[Freedom08]

Big hugs. I too think you made the healthiest decision for yourself and your younger son but it doesn't make things any easier in your heart. I struggle with nighttime too. Too quiet and too many thoughts. Have you tried reading a good book?. I found that's helped me a little the last few days. Easy lighthearted reading helped to occupy my mind. Hugs

 

[Feeling Sad]

Strength, thank you for your kind words. I find it easier to keep good thoughts during the day...but I will keep on trying. It's not knowing if I'll ever see him again that is so very difficult to bear. I had no other choice but the restraining order. He would always get very violent if I mentioned seeing a doctor.

I will try to think of the positives. I have been through a lot, but this ache is by far the worst. But, he would be in prison if he had hurt us and that would be worse for him. He was gradually getting more ill living here. I was too afraid of him. I hope that he gets help and his voices are not tearing him down... I know that he is in town by the bank withdrawals, so that makes me feel a bit better. I also know that he is probably, then, eating. I just don't want him to be afraid because of his paranoia, delusions, and hallucinations. It is a horrible disease.

The people on this site are truly amazing and brave. Thank you.

 

[Feeling Sad]

Lila, I will try to read something light and funny. Sometimes I watch a light-hearted movie so I can take my mind off of things. I hate it in the morning, when you wake up... there is a very brief moment ...and then it all comes rushing back.

I took a walk last night for the first time since this all happened. I was 2 doors from my house and a mom and son each had a small white dog on a leash. I usually cross the street, but I thought ...I am almost home. Anyway, I walked up on the parkway as we passed each other and the last dog turned and nipped me. The skin didn't break, but it was red. I told them that I was fine... My therapist had told me to go to the gym and not walk alone because it is safer. Maybe a sign??? She is still very worried about my safety. It is very surreal to me. I still can't imagine my son hurting me.

I totally understand putting one foot in front of the other. My second son, who is away at college, is taking it very badly. He says that he walks around like a robot... My youngest son, who lives with me, is doing better. He is helping me get the house in order after living with so much violence. So many things damaged.

I have been told that I have very bad ptsd. I am trying to relax. I am not quite as jumpy. It is so bizarre to both miss and be afraid of my son. Just, day by day...

 

[AppleCori]

FS--

I am glad you are hanging in there.

I know the pain you are feeling and I am so sorry.

Please try and be good to yourself.

AC

 

[InsaneCdn]

It is so bizarre to both miss and be afraid of my son.

You miss your SON - the person in side.
You are afraid of the disease and how it affects your son.
Yes, it is a difficult split.
Sending hugs.

 

[Feeling Sad]

I.C., you are right. That was put very well. Thank you. It makes it easier to grasp.

I was told by my therapist today that I didn't just save my youngest son and myself by having him removed, but I saved him as well. He would never have had a chance to get better here at home being protected by me and running to his room every time he heard a car or the door. But now, hopefully, he is forced to use community services. Hopefully... I have read that it is much easier to say, "No" to one Mom, than many people at the shelter. There are rules to be followed at the shelter and violence is not allowed. He cannot blame me now for his behavior. He needs to follow a schedule and, my favorite, they have counseling, guidance, and help with applying for medical coverage, benefits, and housing. I am feeling less guilty...I would say 20 % on my way there. Do I sound like a teacher? Day by day...Thank you!

 

[recoveringenabler]

Reading along FS, you're doing very well.......it's like eating an elephant.....one bite at a time.........be kind to yourself while you go through these changes, nurture yourself........fill yourself back up........focus on you now........it's all about YOU......

 

[Feeling Sad]

I forgot to mention the most important part...DIAGNOSIS! Without that crucial piece, the police do not want to help as much and feel that he is not that dangerous. They don't seem to believe me when I say that he has paranoid schitzophrenia.

They need to "see" evidence. They do not take oral death threats as seriously as they should and command hallucinations don't even resonate with them. They told me that I "just happened to overhear him talking to himself"! I told them that command hallucinations ordering him to kill me are much more serious that threats to my face. He said, "I don't want to kill her. She's my mom. Uh, huh. I understand" 3 times before I fled the house to call the police in my locked car. He was arguing with his voices. What if they had won the argument?

I had a higher level officer tell me over the phone two days later that police are there to protect...not to be psychologists. I asked why they were not "protecting" my son and myself. He told me that when the officers came in and assessed the situation that night, they had decided that it did not warrant anymore police intervention. I told him that they didn't even COME IN! All three had told me that legally they could not go into my house because he had not, that time, threatened me to my face. Their whole demeanor changes when I say that he has not been officially diagnosed.

I was told a few days later of a possible disciplinary action because of a " lost opportunity". They said that they had offered to come in. I had begged them to come in my house that night because he had seen 3 times out the window that I was talking to the police. He had many times threatened to my face to kill me if I called the police ...two weeks earlier while holding out the jagged end of a broken bottle. When I called the morning after the incident, I was told that the crisis was now "over". I had asked that evening for crisis trained officers when I called and was told that I would get the nearest officers...

Also, with an official diagnosis, we could maybe down the road get a conservatorship set up. That would be a great help.

The people on this site are helping me be stronger in my resolve. Their experiences and expertise has helped me immensely.

I still find it very difficult to think about myself, but I am trying. I am unfortunately used to death threats from my childhood. They do not feel to me as abnormal as they should...numbing out, as well. I am glad that I finally stopped this pattern before it continued down the generations of my family. I don't want my two youngest sons to feel the way I did growing up anymore. They have a right to feel safe!

I am making sure that I eat everyday and go out at least once. I am completely dreading returning to special education teaching. I have helped every student greatly improve by accessing the proper system. I always fight relentlessly for their rights to the best services. It makes me angry that I was not able to do so with my son, because he was an adult. The system failed me. It is not fair.

 

[BusynMember]

I asked why they were not "protecting" my son and myself. He told me that when the officers came in and assessed the situation that night, they had decided that it did not warrant anymore police intervention. I told him that they didn't even COME IN! All three had told me that legally they could not go into my house because he had not, that time, threatened me to my face. Their whole demeanor changes when I say that he has not been officially diagnosed.

Ok. I hadn't read this part yet. I just finished a book written by a schizophrenic who is stable and has a high level degree. She explained why the police often turn away schizophrenics and other psychotic people. by the way, he DOES need to get diagnosed. A psychiatrist should see the symptoms unless he hides them and lies and says he doesn't hallucinate, which some are good at doing for short periods of time.

There is no law against being schizophrenic or psychotic. The psychotic have Civil Rights. I think it's more insane than anyone who has schizophrenia that somebody who is paranoid and won't take his medications because he is sure that the medications are poisened and that even his family is part of the CIA and out to kill him have the ability to turn down being treated, but that's the law. You can not treat anyone for mental illness, even if they have voices telling them they are going to be killed by the doctors and to not comply, unless the person says it's ok to treat them OR if they are ACTIVELY homicidal or suicidal when the police see them. This is the law. The police officer can't do anything for a sick man talking to himself. He CAN arrest him for disturbing the peace if he screams in the street or for assault if he thinks somebody is pulling a gun on him and jumps the innocent man who really doesn't have a gun at all (but patient hallucinated that he did). This is outside of their hands.

Nothing can be done for the very severely mentally ill who are too dangerous to live at home, but too sick to consent to treatment. And that is the sad long and short of it. They can't be forced to take medication. They can't be forced to get help again...unless they are deemed an active threat to harm themselves or somebody else.

This is a result of the old laws that held mentally ill people in chains in places like Bellvue for their entire lives and gave them horrible treatment against their wills. We have gone entirely the other way and I'm not sure it's much better. Many end up homeless and alone, wandering the streets and hallucinating. But some DO manage to get lucky and get help.

The best way you can get your child help is to convince him to admit him to a psychiatric ward voluntarily and be willing to sign himself in. He will be given medication right away and probably start becoming more rational fast so that he can realize he is sick and needs help.

Never lose faith.

Crossing fingers for you. Very sad situation. I'm so sorry.

 

[Feeling Sad]

I was told by the police and legal assistants at the courthouse to file a restraining order. An eviction would take too long. Otherwise, the police could not remove him from my house.

I was told by several therapists and a psychiatrist that he could have killed us because of the voices. He is still considered to be dangerous to others out there. The therapists asked me if he knew what school I worked at. They said that he could hurt someone at an apartment or or at a job.

A mental health crisis member talked to him that day through his door about getting help...no answer. After 5 minutes, the police pulled him out, my youngest son said, and he lied about talking to the voices. He told them that he was talking out loud as he wrote and that he was joking about killing me. They could not do a 5150. He had a reasonable explanation. They saw many signs as to his illness, but not enough to involuntarily commit him. He has not worked, had friends, or gone to college in 9 years. He could take pretty good care of himself when I provide money and a place to live. Now, what?

I cannot see or talk to him now for 5 years because of the restraining order! He is not allowed to see or talk to me. I will probably never see or talk to him ever again! That is what is breaking my heart. I feel like I am going crazy. I have taken care of him for 35 years and now....nothing. I do not know how he is feeling. I can only hope that he seeks help or that he is brought in for strange behavior. He only talked to his voices in his room. He would have to get much worse for him to behave strangely in public. Also, there is a much greater risk of him committing suicide with his persecutors voices, than harming others.

I grew up seeing my sister when she stayed off and on at a mental institution. It was very bad. I know that with an involuntary commitment, they can still turn down medications. Now, there are advocates in the hospital that tell them what to say to refuse medications. Or, like in my other sisters case, they just throw the medications away. Both of my sisters had schizophrenia.

I tried in vain for 9 years to get him to see a doctor. You are right. He made excuses when he talked to voices. He told me that he was rehearsing or practicing his speech. The anosognisia, or lack of insight, makes it so they think you are sick, not them. The delusions and hallucinations greatly interfere. They see them as real. He thought that HE owned the house. He blamed me for everything. He feels that people are spying on him and just went out mostly at night. Now he is in front of everyone out there all the time!

I just have to hope for the best. My youngest son will be notified if he is arrested or brought in for strange behavior because he was never threatened and is not on the restraining order. He is safe here by proxi, I was told, although some therapists now say that he should get one for himself.

So I obsess about him hurting or killing himself, others, my youngest son, or me and there is nothing I can do about it. It is so difficult to even think about myself now. That is why I grab at any tiny bit of hope like bank wihdrawals, going to the shelter, and getting lab or immunology work done. He probably, I think, got a TB test to qualify to use the shelter for showering. But, I guess, that is something.

This is why I cannot forgive myself. I had to protect by youngest son. I had to choose between the two.

 

[InsaneCdn]

This is why I cannot forgive myself. I had to protect by youngest son. I had to choose between the two.

Yes you had to choose between the two. And you made the right choice. Please don't be so hard on yourself. There is only so much we can do to help those with mental illness if they are not willing to seek help for themselves.

 

[BusynMember]

And t here should be a better solution for people with schizophrenia. My heart breaks for you, but I'm not sure what else you could have done since there are no options. He is so sick that he doesn't think he is sick so anyplace he is taken, he will break the rules and the fact that he is psychotic will not be taken into account because it can't be.

I pray our laws change for the sake of the severely mentally ill, like your son. Hang in there. We are with you.

 

[Feeling Sad]

I need to have hope to get through this. I know that "many wander the streets alone and homeless and hallucinating". I already am extremely aware of the large numbers of unfortunate homeless mentally ill people...about 1/3. That is my biggest fear. I already think about that EVERY moment of every day. Yes, some do get help. I need to hold onto that.

That is why I never kicked him out before, but with the command hallucinations, it was very necessary. He was homeless 10 years ago for a year in a different state because he came home and saw me in his room due to flooding. I thought that I was going to go crazy with worry.

They do not always follow their command hallucinations, but my sister set a dress on fire in our house that my mother just sewed for her, ran full force into the glass slider, and jumped from a 2 story balcony at the mental hospital because she was following command hallucinations. They do not always follow them, but they can.

My son was talking to his voices as he destroyed the tablet, as well as, many other things. He was crying and pleading with his voices in his room to come back a week before this happened. It broke my heart. When their voices are seen as friendly or powerful, they have a greater liklihood of complying.

The head of NAMI in my town filed a restraining order. Many people in NAMI have. After his son was arrested 3 times, he was finally brought in because he was acting strangely at a mall and scaring people. He then got help and is doing fine now with medications. Almost all of the many similar cases through NAMI see their adult children now after filing a restraining order. I only know of one case where her son is choosing to be homeless for the last 8 years. He is still in our smaller town and she knows how he is doing from the shelter and the police. He calls and she is still refusing to give him money.

Both of my therapists, I see each weekly right now, worked at hospitals and were the ones that would evaluate people brought in for strange behavior and then would have the hospital psychiatrist come in and evaluate them, if warranted. They both say that he will surface. One said that it was ridiculous to think that I will never see him again. Yes, I might not, and that is the main thought that is crippling me.

Even if he is brought in, he might run off again after treatment. The treatment is usually only 72 hours. Yes, he can refuse medications. I was hoping that he would act strange or run and qualify for a 5150 that day the crisis team came to my house. I was down the street praying for that. He had 6 days to come up with a story and did not meet the criteria of being a threat to himself, a threat to others, or gravely disabled. I was hoping that with medications, he would have insight into his illness.

My middle sister, who became paranoid schizophrenic at age 13, was young and my parents were her guardians. She was on medications and constantly in and out of hospitals her whole life. She was kidnapped by a pimp when she was 21 and was forced to turn tricks for 2 weeks in a seedy hotel until she was found. He had told her, when she got on the wrong bus that went downtown, that she was not allowed to be on a bus after dark. She believed him. She still talked about him constantly until she passed away last year at age 63.

My biggest fear is that someone will take advantage or hurt my son because he is not thinking clearly and is child-like in many ways. I am a special education teacher and I see general education students teasing and bullying special education students.

My eldest sister had a late onset of paranoid schizophrenia, at 50. I got her into a 14 day hold because she had driven onto the exit of a freeway in her rush to get to the library to research about something she had inside her...she thought. They let her go after just 72 hours. I was told that there is no law against being crazy. She just threw away her pills and is still mentally ill with delusions. She is also very mad at me.

Yes, it is legal to be mentally ill, but people call the police if their behavior is scaring them...not just for violence. They will see the missing persons report and the long file on threatening behavior on him I was told to give the police. Hopefully, they will then have enough information for a 72 hour hold.

Also, some do get help on their own because they are tired of being on the streets or of being ill. My therapists insist that they still possess some insight into their life. My friend's brother accepted treatment because he was tired of living on the streets for 2 years.

My therapists think that it is ridiculous to think that I will never see him again. Yes, I know very well that there are no guarantees. My youngest son will be contacted if he is brought in for scary behavior or he is arrested for vagrancy, etc. Also they saw people come into their hospitals on their own volition for help.

My best friend's brother was not homeless, but went in the hospital voluntarily because he knew he couldn't stand it anymore. Sadly, he is off the medications now and back to being paranoid. Only 20% of schizophrenic patient are still on medications after 2 years. Sad statistic.

I have to hope that he is getting offered help at the shelter. Maybe just a rapport is slowly being established. I was surprised that he even went there. He is very afraid of people having paranoid schizophrenia. I guess his desire to take showers over rode his fears...

I need to have hope that he will get help eventually or I will completely fall apart. I never have before, but I feel very fragile right now. I do not sleep very well and continue to lose weight. Yes, I needed to lose weight, but it is too quick and a lot.

Unfortunately, I live in California, where you cannot just kick out your child. You have to have an official eviction or a restraining order. An eviction would take over 45 days. I could not have afforded staying in a hotel that long. My house would have been destroyed. My youngest son's and my vacation was that 6 day stay at a hotel in town while getting a restraining order and getting the best mental health crisis team in place. That was the only time he had off from work and college.

I know that everyone feels that I did the only thing that I could do to keep my youngest son safe. I have to have hope, not Pollyanna hope, not gloom and doom hope, but somewhere in the middle or I will not be able to work or be strong for my youngest son.

I am going to continue with the thought that I not only saved my youngest son and myself...but him, too. He refused treatment here for 9 years. He would throw a fully loaded table across the room, spat in my face, kicked furniture in, stabbed the kitched counter and cqbinets, and squirted hot sauce all over the ceilings, walls, and furniture, etc. if I even tried to talk to him about seeing a doctor. He was not going to get better here while I was being 'held hostage' by his violence.

I have a much higher tolerance to violence because I shared a room with my schizophrenic sister growing up from age 11. I turned my drawers around, roped off my closest, and tried to glue the folding wall shut, to no avail. She would threaten me with a knife or scissors. She ruled the roost. I also am a special education teacher. I live it daily.

I need to have hope...middle of the road...hope.

 

[SeekingStrength]

I am going to continue with the thought that I not only saved my youngest son and myself...but him, too. He refused treatment here for 9 years. He would throw a fully loaded table across the room, spat in my face, kicked furniture in, stabbed the kitched counter and cqbinets, and squirted hot sauce all over the ceilings, walls, and furniture, etc. if I even tried to talk to him about seeing a doctor. He was not going to get better here while I was being 'held hostage' by his violence.

Yes, Feeling, do go with these memories.

You are walking a very scary road, but you have these memories to back you up. You know what did not help.

Please stay with us. We are here for you each step you take. And, you are doing the best for you, your youngest, and your mentally ill son.

Your story is an especially painful one, but even with the serious diagnosis, the bottom line is the same. Save yourself, protect your other child(ren) and do whatever you can, from a distance, to get services for your adult child who is dealing with all this. You cannot go down with him. You must save yourself first. Otherwise, nothing else good has much chance of happening for your oldest one. We fight that for as long as we can, but there come a day when we finally realize that not staying sucked into the illness.... it is the only real chance all of you have.

I am very proud of you and the steps you are taking. It is clear you love both your sons very much...as we all do.


Hugs,
SS

 

[Childofmine]

Feeling Sad, I know you are getting ready to go back to teaching, and I think that is a good thing. I have been following along here with you.

What you are now doing is very new and very hard, because you took a stand for your own safety and your son's safety---which was the only thing you could do---and now you are living in uncertainty about your other son, whom you also love very much. That is so very hard, a Sophie's Choice. But it was the right and only thing you could do, given the circumstances.

Having to go to work is a good thing. In my depths, I had to drag myself to function. I was divorced, and my support was then my own responsibility, completely. It was very hard, and I felt many times that I didn't know whether I could do it or not. I have my own business, and I have to "kill it, drag it home and then do something with it" if you know what I mean. I have to have a lot of energy and initiative and persistence, and those qualities were in short supply for a long time with everything going on with Difficult Child. Looking back, I didn't function at all near my top capacity, and others could see it do. I was doing the best I could do, and it was a struggle.

What else can we ever do, but the best we can do at the time? We aren't perfect. We are struggling to maintain in a very difficult situation and make Sophie's Choice types of decisions, which are soul-wrenching.

We must have lots of support and tools in our toolbox to weather this type of challenge.

I cannot see or talk to him now for 5 years because of the restraining order! He is not allowed to see or talk to me. I will probably never see or talk to him ever again! That is what is breaking my heart. I feel like I am going crazy.

So I obsess about him hurting or killing himself, others, my youngest son, or me and there is nothing I can do about it.

I see two things here. One you are "awfulizing" which is something Al-Anon identifies and helps us work on. We automatically go to the worst case scenario. We do this because we feel completely powerless and helpless in the face of terrible fear and despair. We "play the movie" because then, perhaps we can be prepared for it. It is another effort by us to control the uncontrollable. This is very normal to do, but it isn't factual. Almost all the time, the worst never happens, and we spent a lot of time and energy on the worst.

Second, you said "there is nothing I can do about it." You are right. This is the next challenge, learning to live with powerlessness. Not helplessness, but powerlessness. This is another area that Al-Anon helps people work on, i.e., Step One: “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol— that our lives had become unmanageable.” I would write that Step in my journal and substitute all kinds of words for alcohol, like my son's name, a person at work I was having trouble with, whatever. This is the first step in realizing our own humanity---we can't control things. We can't control people, places or things. And believe me, I was the world's worst at this---I thought my sheer will and persistence and hard work could overcome anything because in many cases in life, it had and has.

But not people. Especially not DCs.

This is the work we must do. And it is worthy work. As we work so hard to let go, we find peace. It is truly a miracle that this awful journey with our precious DCs can lead us to a much better life for US than we ever could have dreamed of.

That's what I hope for you, for Copa and for so many others struggling here on this board. We know, because we have lived in the very same despair and crippling pain and fear. We all love our children so very much. We would do ANYTHING to help them. I used to say this: I would stand in front of any train for him, but there are so many trains and I don't know where to stand.

I hope you feel the warmth and strength and compassion here on this board. We all can identify with each other, and we are here for each other on our good days and bad days. And even though my son is so much better today, I still struggle with myself and having expectations and wanting to control situations and not letting go in many relationships. This is lifelong work, to manage ME, and a full time job.

Hang in there and keep posting. Telling the truth to us is cathartic. We're here for you and we understand. Warm hugs today.

 

[Feeling Sad]

Thank you very much for your warm support. I am very glad that I found this site! I am doing a little better today, I think. Your posts give me strength. It is so nice to know that I am not alone...

I just feel so badly that we are all going through or have gone through such heart-breaking experiences. Can you even picture "Ozzie and Harriet" going through this? On a quick side note...The father of my brother's best friend in elementary school had been that show's producer. At his son's 6th grade party was a live cowboy and Indian show with horses and each guest went home with their own large teepee and a feather headress. Talk about hard acts to follow... I grew up realizing that having a nice house does not guarantee happiness!

Thank you again for being there for me. I hope that you are all finding some peace tonight.

 

[BusynMember]

Feeling Sad, life throws bad cards at the well off too. Ozzie and Harriet probably never heard of something called schizophrenia. It was hidden back in the day. Plenty of people suffered back then. At least now there are much better medications and there is ALWAYS hope that somehow your son will fall into a path somewhere where he will get medical treatment, whether he likes it or not. Then, when he is stable, he will finally realize he is ill.

Right now I'm sure it is so hard. But living at home, frightening to all of you, afraid or just refusing to take medication...he will not be found in the streets by the cops and perhaps taken to a mental health facility. He has a better shot getting help, from what I've read, by being found by somebody in power who realizes he is sick.

Many adult children do recover from even schizophrenia with the right medication and the will to sttay the course. You do not know how strong your son is right now...once he is stable, and I hope that happens, he might be determined to STAY well. I really, really hope that happens.

Until then, you have done the only thing you COULD do, given the circumstances. Hugs!!!!

 

[Feeling Sad]

Copa, I wanted to thank you for what you wrote. It really helped me. It has disappeared though... It is going to sound strange, but I wrote it down. I write things down from sites or after therapy that I find very helpful. I then read these things when I need strength...first thing it the morning or at night when my strength ebbs. You wrote:

"I think you chose for both of your sons and yourself.

Sheltering your older son, was not helping him. Let alone, the cost to everybody else.

I agree with you that your son in the world is likely to access services. There is hope.

As long as he hid away in his room in your home, there was none. It took enormous courage to do what you did. You did a very brave thing.

Most of all you did the right thing for your son. For all of you".

Thank you, Copa, very much. I have read it many, many times. It summed up my problem exactly and, more importantly, conveyed hope. It made me cry...The good type of crying. Even though you are feeling so much pain, you still found the time to write something to help me feel better. You are truly a wonderful and thoughtful person. Heartfelt thanks. Take care!

 

[Feeling Sad]

Childofmine, I am trying not to "awfulize". When I find myself doing it...I try to step back and notice it more now. I try to reframe my perspective...it is very difficult to do! It is hard not to think the worst when I have no contact or input...I am powerless. I hate that feeling. I read here that, before, I had the 'illusion' of power. That was still a lot easier to handle!

Take care

 

[Feeling Sad]

I have a question...I have been reading about not giving our adult difficult children money. It would serve to enable them or prolong their agony of dysfunction.

My son is paranoid schizophrenic and is not in control of his thoughts, or at best, possesses limited control. He has anosognosia, or lacks insight into his illness. Again, I tried for 9 years for him to get help. I am a special education teacher...so I know all the angles. Did it help? No!

He will not call me probably because of the restraining order. But, he has a small joint bank account with me. It is very slowly dwindling down...it is my ONLY way I will know what city or state my son runs to. Also, I will know that he is eating.

Yes, I want him to seek services, but with paranoid schizophrenia, it might be just for food or showers. I am, of course, hoping for more, but now it is probably for showers. He is afraid of people and his delusions and hallucinations make him believe that he is well and others are in a plot to harm him. No, I am not "awfulizing". I am just trying to view the world through his eyes.

I wanted to throw this out to you because your help in the past has been both very kind and informative. You have, unfortunately, lived it.

I was thinking, because he has paranoid schizophrenia, to always keep 50 dollars in the account. Now, that would make me feel better, but some might say that he needs to hit rock bottom to seek help.

But...will he have a 'bottom' being schizophrenic??? Would you go to someone for help that you thought was planning to murder you? I could envision him going on forever without seeing that he is mentally ill. (Okay. Now I AM awfulizing).

At least, now I know he is in town and eating. I am going crazy, but without that...I would go over the deep end (Still...awfulizing, I guess).

He never wanted to go on SSI because he thought that people would not hire him. Never mind the fact, that he has not worked, gone to college, or had friends in 9 years.

I was told by a CIT mobile worker that if he had stated that he was " going to live in his car and eat garbage behind McDonald's" he still would not qualify for an involuntary hold as being gravely disabled because he had a plan... He has no plan! His voices always told him to run and hide if a car came in front of our house. What are they telling him now?

Please...I need your expertise in this matter.