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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Feeling Sad" data-source="post: 661875" data-attributes="member: 19245"><p>I have started weekly therapy and have attended the bimonthly NAMI support groups. I have reread your wonderfully supportive words daily. I read online and take voluminous notes. It is so difficult. I am sleeping a little better. I just walk around feeling my heart breaking. </p><p></p><p>My mind understands that I took the only steps that I could given the situation. I have been told by every therapist that it was, and continues to be, a very dangerous situation. My heart does not register. I have cared for him for 35 years. Yes, he was not getting better and I was not addressing violence in a firm way because of fear and, perhaps, hopes of his improvement. I know that he could not live here for my youngest son's mental and physical well-being. I realize, for the most part, that I could not have made him seek treatment. He was not being oppositional, he trully was afraid whether by his delusions or hallucinations. It is just so difficult to wrap my brain around the fact that my own son could have killed me...My own son. It is so hard to accept. Yes, I am careful and set the alarm system. But it is still a nightmare that I want to wake up from. The difficult thought that helps me is that my son, the way he was when he was not ill, would not want us to be hurt. </p><p></p><p>I know that it is his illness, but not knowing how he is doing or feeling is very hard. I do take hope that he has gone to the shelter. It has made me feel a little calmer. I pray that he gets help. All of the people on this site are very courageous. I am just beginning this difficult process. I am taking it one day at a time. Thank you for all of your support.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Feeling Sad, post: 661875, member: 19245"] I have started weekly therapy and have attended the bimonthly NAMI support groups. I have reread your wonderfully supportive words daily. I read online and take voluminous notes. It is so difficult. I am sleeping a little better. I just walk around feeling my heart breaking. My mind understands that I took the only steps that I could given the situation. I have been told by every therapist that it was, and continues to be, a very dangerous situation. My heart does not register. I have cared for him for 35 years. Yes, he was not getting better and I was not addressing violence in a firm way because of fear and, perhaps, hopes of his improvement. I know that he could not live here for my youngest son's mental and physical well-being. I realize, for the most part, that I could not have made him seek treatment. He was not being oppositional, he trully was afraid whether by his delusions or hallucinations. It is just so difficult to wrap my brain around the fact that my own son could have killed me...My own son. It is so hard to accept. Yes, I am careful and set the alarm system. But it is still a nightmare that I want to wake up from. The difficult thought that helps me is that my son, the way he was when he was not ill, would not want us to be hurt. I know that it is his illness, but not knowing how he is doing or feeling is very hard. I do take hope that he has gone to the shelter. It has made me feel a little calmer. I pray that he gets help. All of the people on this site are very courageous. I am just beginning this difficult process. I am taking it one day at a time. Thank you for all of your support. [/QUOTE]
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