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Feeling sad this mother's day.
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 626669" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Hi Layne, when I read your note about your daughter and your mother's day, it just reconfirmed what I am learning about time, space and distance with my difficult child.</p><p></p><p>It may be that a whole day is just too much. I know we have/had these fluffy dreams of laughing, talking, enjoying, just being together and doing a fun thing or two, sharing a meal. </p><p></p><p>But with difficult children and with us, it just doesn't work that way so much of the time. </p><p></p><p>It's as it is, not as we wish it would be. Those "Donna Reed, Father Knows Best" ideas were just pie in the sky anyway. Perfect isn't possible. Nobody has what we see TV, read in books, watch in movies. That is our first mistake.</p><p></p><p>Accepting real live human beings with all of their/our frailties is one tall order. Especially when there are big boundary issues---like your daughter saying those things to you. I think that is a warning to you. A warning about too much. </p><p></p><p>We can take each other in much smaller doses and it can come out much better that way. Before my son went back to jail this time, we were seeing other for 10 minutes a week---sitting in the car on a Friday. It was pleasant. It was peaceful. It was enjoyable. It was short. </p><p></p><p>We live and we learn, Layne. Over time, we start doing what works. For us. </p><p></p><p>I know you love your daughter and I am equally sure she loves you. I hope you can find what works, for the two of you. It's a process.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 626669, member: 17542"] Hi Layne, when I read your note about your daughter and your mother's day, it just reconfirmed what I am learning about time, space and distance with my difficult child. It may be that a whole day is just too much. I know we have/had these fluffy dreams of laughing, talking, enjoying, just being together and doing a fun thing or two, sharing a meal. But with difficult children and with us, it just doesn't work that way so much of the time. It's as it is, not as we wish it would be. Those "Donna Reed, Father Knows Best" ideas were just pie in the sky anyway. Perfect isn't possible. Nobody has what we see TV, read in books, watch in movies. That is our first mistake. Accepting real live human beings with all of their/our frailties is one tall order. Especially when there are big boundary issues---like your daughter saying those things to you. I think that is a warning to you. A warning about too much. We can take each other in much smaller doses and it can come out much better that way. Before my son went back to jail this time, we were seeing other for 10 minutes a week---sitting in the car on a Friday. It was pleasant. It was peaceful. It was enjoyable. It was short. We live and we learn, Layne. Over time, we start doing what works. For us. I know you love your daughter and I am equally sure she loves you. I hope you can find what works, for the two of you. It's a process. [/QUOTE]
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