I am feeling bad and I know that someone on this forum will help me make sense of my feelings and maybe even understand why. My husband is going to see our son on Wednesday in Florida to be with him for his 21st birthday. He left in March and did very well at first but then relapsed/overdosed (he had never overdosed before) on Father's Day. He did not seek out drugs but was at his girlfriend's home where her mother had morphine as she is in the last stage of liver cancer. He saw the bottles. Trigger. He is in an IOP program but I think only because we said we'd give him no money if he was not in a program since we know he needs it. He gives us mixed signals but I don't honestly think he's buying what they're selling I started going to therapy for myself right after overdose. I needed some help sorting out my feelings. I kept seeing his overdose in my head (what I envisioned it to be), blue lips, ambulance etc. and couldn't turn it off. I have since been working on detachment and what I feel to be PTSD from five years of what goes on when your child is an addict. My therapist agrees with this. I have kind of stepped back and his dad/my husband has been keeping in contact with him even though it's only a few times per week. I answer when he texts me. Today I'm feeling lonely for him. I texted him a few times and he said he didn't want to text but I could call if I want. I told him I probably wouldn't because I felt I needed to keep some distance because of the pain I'm dealing with. He knows I'm in therapy. He texted later and said we either need to bring our dogs when we go in November or he needs to come home to see them. We will not be bringing our dogs in November and will probably only drive to spend one day/night with him. I am not ready for him to come home for a visit either because what if he won't go back? I cannot even begin to think of that option. I told him "we'll see" and let his dad tell him what's happening when he is there. I know he knows I love him and I am trying to be supportive as much as I can but I am not sure what's wrong with me or if I'm even doing the right thing. I feel like since he's sober and at an IOP I should be doing more? I just don't see change or he isn't saying what I need to hear and this time it's not enough. Thoughts?