Feeling sad

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Helpless29, Mar 20, 2018.

  1. Helpless29

    Helpless29 Member

    All around my house our family pictures , pictures of my son on family vacations,pictures of us making funny faces in photo booths, pictures of him playing in the snow and many more. Now I stare of pictures on his phone of him smoking weed, a picture of him sticking out his tongue with a pill on it, pics he took of lines of cocaine , of him holding a gun. Where did it all go of wrong? I dream of who I wish he was or who he could of been , jealous of seeing my other friends sons, in sports,doing teen things, hanging out , why coudnt he be like that , but no he is in rehab, one of his many times and only 15 teen.Feeing depressed ,helpless , it consumes my thoughts all day.
     
  2. february

    february Member

    I am sorry, keep up the faith and prayers going out to you and your son.
     
  3. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Welcome helpless.

    I surely know first hand how this feels. I am dealing with my own version. But my son is 29. Our real problems began when he was 19.

    My own son is mentally ill.

    It sounds like for your boy it may be drugs. When his lifestyle changes it is likely your real son will emerge intact over time.

    Meanwhile, this is your journey too. How to own your own hope. How to find value in each day. Even when he may be temporarily lost. Especially then. Finding real support. Strengthening boundaries. Building sanctuary in your home and especially yourself.

    I hope you keep posting. Take care.
     
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  4. Nature

    Nature Active Member

    I'm so sorry you are hurting and I too can relate with the pain you are going through when viewing pics of happier times. You probably are filled with thoughts of your sweet innocent child in the photos to the young man you view today. It's not your fault as our children make choices that we had no part of. Not to tell you to not be upset with his current behaviour as some do turn their lives around while others continue to walk down the wrong path. Is there someone you can speak to ? School? Substance Abuse Group in your area? I'll be thinking of you.
     
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  5. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Helpless I have been there as well.

    I remember when our son stole my sister's Vicodin which caused a huge family fight (to the is day I am estranged from my sister - long story) and then posted a picture of them in his hand on FaceBook. Only to have my nephew let me know about the post. I was at work and wanted to crash a window with a chair and jump. I just couldn't take it anymore. I thought it would be easier to just end it. After I called him crying hysterically he finally took it down. But he had no idea what that did to me or what any of it did.

    The pain is unbearable that much I know. It's not your fault and it's not my fault. The only way I can come to terms with what he has done it to realize he is ILL. Their brains are taken over by a drug, a demon. The only thing you can do is take care of yourself.

    I recommend finding a therapist that specializes in addiction to help you cope. This is not a quick fix. This is not an easy road.

    My son is now doing very well in a long term, faith based program. We tried many many others. No success.

    Good luck.
     
  6. Dory

    Dory Member

    Hey, I m sending you huge hugs and I don't know you but that was such a massive step to reach out.
    The biggest help for you is to understand that you are not alone,so so many parents are going through similar issues.
    Hang in there.
     
  7. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    Helpless, welcome.

    Many of us have felt the very same way. I know I have. At one point, when my son was off the rails again, I even turned all the pictures of my son face down so I wouldn't be reminded many times a day of how far he had fallen from the boy we knew.

    I think we do go through a grieving process when our kids make such self-destructive choices. To me, it feels like we die a little bit with their dreams, or at least our dreams for them. And it's hard not to feel sad or angry when we compare our situation to others, but we never really know what's going on under the surface of their "normal" lives.

    Your son is 15. He has time to turn this around, and he still has lots of growing up to do.

    My son is 25. We've been dealing with his alcoholism since he was 14. Though we take it day by day, he is doing really well right now and is a real blessing to those who know him. I never would have thought that was possible when he was 15 and in the thick of it. As hard as it is, try not to write the end of the story.
     
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  8. Sam3

    Sam3 Active Member

    Hi.

    I can very much relate to those pangs of pain thinking about how my son is stuck while other young people have acted on their hopes.

    The only thing that has made iit easier is being around other parents of difficult children, through this forum, parent al-anon and support groups.

    It allowed me to see that I am not alone but also that my son is not just an aberration among his peers. He is one of many young people who struggle. Being with these parents gave me a different reference point.

    In this world, people cry with you and pray for you and hold their breath with you when your kid goes to rehab. They’re happy when your kid moves to level three so he can get a weekend pass.

    They help you accept that struggling kids are differently abled at least for now and that their victories look different. They help you find a place where you can be happy again for your child because he is showing insight or addressing his demons, even if he’s not yet conquering life. And when things are still negative or turn negative again, that we can feel better about ourselves in the way we respond.

    A “journey” feels a whole lot bettter than a “living hell.”
     
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  9. tryingtobestrong

    tryingtobestrong New Member

    I feel the same as you. I look at the family pictures, reminisce about our vacations, etc. Then I see the friends he had when he was in high school and they are all excelling..... Then my boy... 2 college degrees and an alcoholic whose world is about to crash in 2 days. Long term girlfriend leaving him, taking their dog and moving across the USA to her home. Leaving him to face the apartment lease ending and making it on his own with him and his cats. YES! I do agree with her leaving. She deserves so much better than the life he is making for himself... slowly killing himself with how much he drinks. So very sad..Such a promising future - I pray our boys soon break through their addiction.
     
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  10. Mimi44

    Mimi44 New Member

    So sorry for your pain. I know how you feel, our son didn’t start doing drugs until his Mid 20s I could never understand it. Years later we are still in the vicious cycle of his addiction. There will be some days that are easier than others but don’t ever give up hope for him, all any of us want is our children to be well and happy,
    I am grateful to have found this site. Hang in there, sending love..
     
  11. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    I am another (step) parent who understands the shame and embarrassment, the pain and the guilt, of those of us whose children who don't thrive - heck, whose kids don't even function in many ways.

    Society, and even relatives, place the blame on us making it even worse. These situations are so hard for extended family to accept sometimes, it seems all certain people wish to do is lay blame at the feet of another, especially the parents's feet. If you had never divorced his father, if you were better educated, if you didn't yell at him when he was small, etc. etc....insert excuse here.....this would never have happened to your child. When the reality is much more complicated. Children go off the rails for many reasons, complex and interweaving. Genetics, environment, temperament and resiliency all play a role in my opinion.

    While I believe that most families live their own version of this hell (perhaps not with their children but with other relatives), the truth is most of us put on a plastic smile and fake our way through life, not wanting to reveal what we believe are weaknesses. This is a shame and keeps us all locked in an emotional gulag. We all believe other families are "normal" when those families are looking at us and wishing they had what we have! When the truth is we are all hurting.

    Perhaps if we as a culture were more open and honest about the reality and impact of mental illness and addiction on our families there would be less stigma.

    It is important for us to grieve the loss of our dreams for our children. No parent gazes down at their infant in their arms and thinks, One day you will be a drug addict, one day you will be bipolar, one day you will attempt suicide and nearly succeed, one day you will cause so much pain that I will have no choice but to place you in residential treatment. NOBODY thinks any of these things. But these things sadly can and do happen and this board is proof of how many families are affected.

    At the same time we must have hope. Hope that our children can learn from their mistakes and follow a better path. Hope that medical science can create effective treatments for mental illness and addiction (in many cases these treatments already exist). Hope that our love can lead our children back home and help them find a place in the world where they can be successful. I wish that for all of us - sooner rather than later.