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Substance Abuse
Feeling so bad for a co-worker
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<blockquote data-quote="everywoman" data-source="post: 10673" data-attributes="member: 1436"><p>Oh, I do feel for her. </p><p>Here's my story. Please share it with her.</p><p></p><p>When I found out the husband was using crack, I almost died of shame. I knew for years he was addicted to oxycontin after a back injury---I had watched him cold turkey several times---but the addiction kept calling and when the oxycontin ran out---after he lost his job and insurance---he tried crack to "quell" the withdrawals. That was the end. It only took 3 months to hit bottom. By the time I found out my mortgage, car payment, insurance, light bill, phone bill, and every other bill I owed was 3 months past due and our checking account was overdrawn by $2000.00. I was about $15,000 in the hole. I was destitute. I was angry. I was hurt. I was humiliated. Tell your friend to seperate the financial picture now. Open an account in her name. If she has direct deposit have HR change it immediately.</p><p> </p><p>I couldn't believe that it was happening to me. The kids and I all knew something was different---they had all seen his car at a dealer's house---but, we are upper middle class professionals---we both come from loving families. I had been in such denial and felt like such a fool. Tell your friend to find a group to talk to. Alanon is great. A church is great. Find a group to support her.</p><p></p><p>He did get clean and has stayed that way. He knows if he ever uses again that I am gone. I did see a divorce attorney a few days after I took him to detox, but I had been to one alanon meeting and had read a lot of infomation and knew that a divorce on top of everything would destroy the kids. I decided to give him a 2nd chance. Tell your friend to follow her heart.</p><p></p><p>husband went to detox willingly and wanted to come home. I told him no. He went to a program and after about 6 weeks he came home (He had a lot of responsibilities with his invalid family) even though I didn't feel like the kids and I were ready. </p><p></p><p>It took the kids a long time to forgive him. difficult child has just recently let go of his anger. PCson still habors some resentment, but he hides it most of the time. Tell your friend to make sure that that the kids get counseling. I made mine go even though they didn't want to. </p><p></p><p>It took at least a year before I trusted him and sometimes I still wake up at night, and if he is not in the bed I have to go look and make sure he is in the house. I still have my own checking account in just my name. I love him, he loves me, but I don't think our relationship can ever be the same. Some part of me still hurts too much. </p><p></p><p>He is a good man. He is a good father. He is a good husband. He was an addict. He was sick. He is well now. Tell your friend that there can be happy endings.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="everywoman, post: 10673, member: 1436"] Oh, I do feel for her. Here's my story. Please share it with her. When I found out the husband was using crack, I almost died of shame. I knew for years he was addicted to oxycontin after a back injury---I had watched him cold turkey several times---but the addiction kept calling and when the oxycontin ran out---after he lost his job and insurance---he tried crack to "quell" the withdrawals. That was the end. It only took 3 months to hit bottom. By the time I found out my mortgage, car payment, insurance, light bill, phone bill, and every other bill I owed was 3 months past due and our checking account was overdrawn by $2000.00. I was about $15,000 in the hole. I was destitute. I was angry. I was hurt. I was humiliated. Tell your friend to seperate the financial picture now. Open an account in her name. If she has direct deposit have HR change it immediately. I couldn't believe that it was happening to me. The kids and I all knew something was different---they had all seen his car at a dealer's house---but, we are upper middle class professionals---we both come from loving families. I had been in such denial and felt like such a fool. Tell your friend to find a group to talk to. Alanon is great. A church is great. Find a group to support her. He did get clean and has stayed that way. He knows if he ever uses again that I am gone. I did see a divorce attorney a few days after I took him to detox, but I had been to one alanon meeting and had read a lot of infomation and knew that a divorce on top of everything would destroy the kids. I decided to give him a 2nd chance. Tell your friend to follow her heart. husband went to detox willingly and wanted to come home. I told him no. He went to a program and after about 6 weeks he came home (He had a lot of responsibilities with his invalid family) even though I didn't feel like the kids and I were ready. It took the kids a long time to forgive him. difficult child has just recently let go of his anger. PCson still habors some resentment, but he hides it most of the time. Tell your friend to make sure that that the kids get counseling. I made mine go even though they didn't want to. It took at least a year before I trusted him and sometimes I still wake up at night, and if he is not in the bed I have to go look and make sure he is in the house. I still have my own checking account in just my name. I love him, he loves me, but I don't think our relationship can ever be the same. Some part of me still hurts too much. He is a good man. He is a good father. He is a good husband. He was an addict. He was sick. He is well now. Tell your friend that there can be happy endings. [/QUOTE]
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Feeling so bad for a co-worker
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