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Parent Emeritus
Feeling so helpless...frustrated and frightened for DS
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 695558" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Oh SWOT. What a jerk! He makes me mad. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It is exactly the same thing as when your daughter used drugs. It's not different. It's watching a person you love so very much do all the wrong things and then drive you crazy with calls and abuse and hang ups and nonsense. </p><p></p><p>You have to set a boundary, SWOT. You already know that. You know what you do because you have already done it. It just seems different with him...but it. is. not. different. It is exactly the same thing. </p><p></p><p>A grown man needs to be a grown man. Yes it is frustrating and extremely stressful and I'm sure he loves his son very much and it's really hard. But hey, learn to deal with it. This is not new stuff with her. He has been doing this for a long time. He isn't learning anything...I don't know why...but I would suggest one reason is that he doesn't have to. </p><p></p><p>It's time to stand back, SWOT, and to let him learn a new way of interacting with you. I gently and kindly suggest that you start that process today. Whatever that looks like for you. Start taking steps toward change. Your listening to him rant and rave, truly isn't helping him, and it sure isn't helping you. Stop doing it. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes. You said it. It's awful. It's sad. It's scary. He ramps up even more because he's talking to you, his mother, who will take anything and come back for more. Again, we learn that we are part of the problem. </p><p></p><p>Take it easy today, SWOT. Take care of you. Rest, recover. Then, go to alanon. You don't even have to wait until tomorrow. Start here: <a href="http://al-anon.org/" target="_blank">http://al-anon.org/</a></p><p></p><p>Warm hugs. This is so terribly hard, and I know you are scared for him and for grandson. But you are #1. You come first. Set some boundaries, SWOT. It's time.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 695558, member: 17542"] Oh SWOT. What a jerk! He makes me mad. It is exactly the same thing as when your daughter used drugs. It's not different. It's watching a person you love so very much do all the wrong things and then drive you crazy with calls and abuse and hang ups and nonsense. You have to set a boundary, SWOT. You already know that. You know what you do because you have already done it. It just seems different with him...but it. is. not. different. It is exactly the same thing. A grown man needs to be a grown man. Yes it is frustrating and extremely stressful and I'm sure he loves his son very much and it's really hard. But hey, learn to deal with it. This is not new stuff with her. He has been doing this for a long time. He isn't learning anything...I don't know why...but I would suggest one reason is that he doesn't have to. It's time to stand back, SWOT, and to let him learn a new way of interacting with you. I gently and kindly suggest that you start that process today. Whatever that looks like for you. Start taking steps toward change. Your listening to him rant and rave, truly isn't helping him, and it sure isn't helping you. Stop doing it. Yes. You said it. It's awful. It's sad. It's scary. He ramps up even more because he's talking to you, his mother, who will take anything and come back for more. Again, we learn that we are part of the problem. Take it easy today, SWOT. Take care of you. Rest, recover. Then, go to alanon. You don't even have to wait until tomorrow. Start here: [URL]http://al-anon.org/[/URL] Warm hugs. This is so terribly hard, and I know you are scared for him and for grandson. But you are #1. You come first. Set some boundaries, SWOT. It's time. [/QUOTE]
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Feeling so helpless...frustrated and frightened for DS
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