feeling so scared now

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by sjexpress, Oct 1, 2012.

  1. sjexpress

    sjexpress Guest

    I posted a long post last week about difficult child refusal to go to school due to difficulty getting to class on time because of location of classes and locker. We did solve that problem with the guidance counselor and difficult child did return to school for Thurs and Fri. ( Wed. there was no school due to holdiay so he missed 2 days due to refusal). He had a lot of work to make up including 2 tests. He got 100 and a 91 on the tests that he took on Friday. He is a smart boy!
    Last nite ( Sun.) at bedtime he began saying his stomach hurt and he would not be able to go to school. He cried and carried on that he should be allowed to stay home because he was sick. I again tried to ask what the problem was at school and all he could tell me was that he was still afraid to be late to class. I again assured him there is no penalty that would happen if he was late and if any teacher made a big deal of it, I would be right up to the school! difficult child finally went to bed. Woke up this morning, saying he was sick and he refused to go to school!
    I do not know what to do now! I have placed an e-mail to the guidance counselor and call to the school and am waiting to hear back. difficult child is just sitting on the couch watching TV. We have taken away video games and computer. That is all he really enjoys outside of school these days as he connects with his friends this way. He has told me this helps relieve his stress... I told him since he is not in school, he has no stress so no electronics unless school work related.
    I am beside myself with worry as to what will happen. How can such a gifted kid throw his life away and ruin everything he has? I am so afraid for him and us as a family! He has all this potential! I realize this is only the 3rd day of school this year he has missed but school has only been going on here for 3 wks or so. I don't see this problem resolving itself. I am a wreck!
    Anyway, thanks for listening.
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Anxiety is a form of mood disorder... he needs help, not punishment. At this point, medications will likely be required to break the cycle of anxiety and behavior, so he can start on a better footing.

    He's not trying to throw his life away. HE is being controlled by the anxiety.
  3. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    DITTO Insane!! Your signature doesn't say anything about diagnoses or medications. Has he ever been seen by a child psychiatrist? If not, he needs to NOW. IC is right, the anxiety is controlling him. I speak from years of first-hand experience. The fear is REAL and can be VERY crippling. It sounds like his anxiety may have upped to panic mode. Imagine your WORST fear (heights, spiders, snakes, etc) and then imagine how you'd feel LOCKED in that situation and NO ONE will help you and there is NO way out. That is the level of anxiety your son is feeling. Please don't punish him and please get him some help. Find a psychiatrist and/or a therapist to help him.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Has he ever been evaluated or had therapy? I agree that this isn't something to punish him over. I had school phobia myself and was terrified of school. It's not on purpose and you don't learn much when you are forced to go. Your brain focuses on your fear, not on what you are being taught. The fear is overwhelming.
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I'm with the others. Anxiety is a beast but for many quite treatable. I hope you can get medical and school support
    I'm sorry for you, yes it is scary, most of us here surely understand that!
  6. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    SJ, I completely understand where you are coming from. My difficult child was in the same situation last year, and we had a little flare up of it this year. It is so hard to watch your child fall apart in front of your eyes, and do not know how to fix it.
    I am going to agree with the others, and say it sounds as if the anxiety is super high right now. And, it is frustrating when they can't/won't tell you what is wrong. Is there a possibility that he is being bullied? It is important to break the cycle, before it becomes a habit. Last year I fell into the trap of letting her stay home when she would cry or act super anxious. I felt bad for her. HUGE mistake. You have to take him to school even if he is crying screaming and stomping his feet. It got to a point last year when difficult child was getting better, and I would bribe her to go to school. If you go 3 days in a row we will go out for icecream. If you go all week, we will go shopping and you can pick out a new top. I found her "currency" and used it.
    This year her flare up happened when I went on vacation and she was home with husband for a week. She was "sick" for 3 days. When I got back, I would make sure I was not in PJs when I would take her to school, and if she started at all, I would park the car, and start to get out. All it took was me opening the car door to send her running into school. (How uncool would it be to have your mom get you out of the car to go to HS.)

    Long story short, if you can get him into therapy, and get him started on some anxiety medications at least temporarily I think it would give all of you a break and a chance to get a handle on it.
  7. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    What did the guidance counselor do to help the situation? We went through something very similar with difficult child when he first started middle school (although he wasn't refusing to go to school). When they started they were given 2 weeks to get familiar with the lay out of the school, but the morning of the day the teachers were going to start marking kids late he was an absolute mess! Telling me that he couldn't do it. It was too hard. Please don't make him go. I made him go, but I also called the GC and told him that he was a mess when he left the house that morning. GC called difficult child down to his office and they talked about it. GC told difficult child that if it looked like he was going to be late for a class don't go to the class, but go to guidance instead. GC said that he would give difficult child a pass so that he would not get into trouble for being late. Just the idea that he had a safety net was enough for him. He was fine with getting to all of his classes every day and he never once had to go to guidance to ask for a pass. He just needed to know that someone understood what his worries were.
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Bunny - what a great GC!
  9. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I only hope that the GC he gets assigned to in high school is as good as the one he got in middle school.
  10. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Bunny, that is one great GC. difficult child's is about useless, but the school psychologist is awesome. I wish he had a private practice. I would use him as our therapist.