Feeling so worn down by difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Wiped Out, Jul 31, 2013.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    difficult child has me so worn down and I am so tired of trying. He has made major improvements and I really am proud of him but he still harbors most of his anger at me.

    If he wants me to play a game with him or do something else that is fun then he can be very sweet. However, whenever I need to ask him to do something or explain to him why he needs to shower or try to joke around with him or even "look" at him the wrong way-don't ask what that is because I don't know he just blows at me. Yells at me to shut up or to not talk to him or will sometimes go into swearing at me.

    He doesn't do this with husband and very seldom with easy child/difficult child. However, I am his target. For the most part I just let it roll off of my shoulders-my rhino skin in on tight most days. Lately though, I don't know if my rhino skin is just getting so worn or what but I am tired, tired of trying with difficult child. More often than not I can't bring myself to play games or just hang out with him. I find myself withdrawing more and more, almost feels like I am trying to protect myself because I never know when he is going to blow.

    Sometimes it is the little things, when we are leaving the house or going into a place he will let the door fall back on me instead of holding it open. He will force himself to get in a position where I have to wait for him, for example opening his car door so I have to "wait" for him to get past. Also he isn't violent with me anymore but does posture all the time.

    I'm worried that I am so tired of all of this. He is only 16 and has such a far ways to go. He really is super sweet and funny at times. I can't stop trying now but it is getting so hard. I'm thinking it is time for me to go to my therapist again-I haven't been for a few years because difficult child has made such good progress.

    His therapist sees this and has spoken to difficult child about it. husband sees it and is supportive of me. However, with difficult child, nothing seems to help. In his eyes, I am the one who he gets to take his garbage out on and (even though I know this is somewhat normal) I. am. tired. and. sad.
  2. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    It is very tiring. The day in and day out of it. I think we go through stages just like the kids do. At about 12 most boys start pushing away from mom. My difficult child 1 isn't. I find myself wishing he would and trying to push him toward independence. I'm just guessing. A therapist is a great idea.
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Thus has been going on for you for so long. (((Hugs))) and prayers for some maturity and peace. Perhaps its time you take a trip somewhere to recuperate. Has you shoulder healed well enough to travel?
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Liahona-I know my husband wishes difficult child would take steps in independence from him!

    TM-A trip would be great! Sadly, my shoulder is not healed enough at this point. However, even though it is a month off, husband is taking difficult child to a game Labor Day weekend so I will get a weekend break eventually!! by the way, I think you hit the nail on the head with the fact it has been going on for so long. At least most summers we had some breaks due to his camps-this year no such luck as he aged out of the camps.
  5. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Would he be able to hold down a small job? At least he would be out of the house abit.
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Liahona-He has a very part time job at McDonald's. He hasn't worked in two weeks because he went in to ask for a weekend off (we were going out of state) and accidentally ended up asking for 2 weeks off-sigh!
  7. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sending you big hugs and lots of wishes for PEACE. No words of wisdom, just lots of empathy............
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh. Sharon.
    I'm sorry.
    been there done that.
    Two wks off! Ack.
    Can you leave him alone for a cpl hrs and just go to a movie or the library or something?
  9. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    SFR, I could have written what you wrote, as could quite a few moms here on the board. When there is a constant barrage of abuse, whether it be verbal or physical, it wears a person down.

    Wiped Out, I have felt very much the same way you are feeling. I told a friend that I have only four more years until I can kick difficult child's butt out the door and change the locks behind him. Not a very nice sentiment from a mother, but that's what happens when a mother is just, well...wiped out! My very long winded point is that I get exactly how you are feeling. Pease don't be too hard on yourself. It's very tough to stay happy and smiling when the person in front of you is not happy and smiling back.

    The break over Labor Day weekend sounds like just what you need. Hopefully the weeks will pass quickly and Labor Day (and the start of the new school year) will be here soon.
  10. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    many hugs. I totally understand.