Feeling stronger

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by standswithcourage, Mar 4, 2009.

  1. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    I guess I just feel mad. I feel stronger about doing something with my difficult child. I cant stand this way of life. I did call his outpatient counselor and told him he needed to be moved up in care because he was continuing smoking pot and whatever else. They said they could move him to inpatient somewhere. I will also maybe call his probation officer. Something has to be done about this. He went to the er and they prescribed him klonopin. We did not take him nor did we fill the prescription. I can already tell the difference. He is kinda drowsy acting but still wants to drink and smoke pot too. He said he would not but of course I never believed him. Pray for me that I will stay strong and do what I need to do. One of my difficult child's friends mothers put a restraining order out on their son and he cant come back home - he is living in a motel. Maybe that is an idea.
  2. missy44

    missy44 New Member

    HI Strands,
    It sounds like you really have your hands full. I wish you all the strength and courage you'll likely need over the next little while.

    Stay strong.
  3. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Praying that you develop the courage to do what you need to do.
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Stands -

    WOW! I'm blown away!!! Your post sounded strong, and like you have direction and are thinking about future things. Whatever you are doing keep it up girl. I'm sorry that anyone ever has to endure what you are living through - but I'm so happy that you're sticking with moving forward despite the obvious pain.

    You have always had our prayers. Keep telling yourself you can do this. I see a great change in you.

    Hugs & Love
  5. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    thanks (Smile)! You guys are great. One day we will have a reunion! Face to face.
  6. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Stands, today was the day my difficult child 2 was supposed to appear in MD court to answer to charges of theft. He is somewhere in NH, planning his wedding :confused:. I used to be obsessed trying to make him do the right thing. I only just remembered the significance of this date this evening! I feel lighter.
  7. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    Very glad to read that you called the inpatient counselor...was honest...reached out and got help...support. Many good indications of strength. Wishing you well.
  8. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    thanks - sometimes I feel guilty calling counselors and probation officers but they need the whole story - they just get what my difficult child tells them - they need to know that things are not getting better - he has no job, no car, no community service lined up - he skipped his meeting on tuesday - so what gives! Does it matter that he is not doing what he is supposed to? I want someone to know!
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Stands...I know how hard it is to call those people.

    I didnt for the little things. Like really, Cory shouldnt have left town so early to go to work with his dad. He is supposed to be in his house from 6am an back in the house by 7pm. Well to go to work he had to leave at quarter to 5. Oh well...PO isnt getting out of his warm bed at that hour. Only time he checks in right around 7. We know this.

    Now I did report him when Cory pawned the gun. It was a biggie. Tony couldnt get the gun back without the PO knowing about it. I didnt know what the guy was gonna do about it and it could have been very bad. Luckily for Cory, they did nothing but Cory sweated bullets for a whole month wondering. During that whole time I begged, cried, swore and all but practically shouted at the PO that he better find some place for Cory to go when he got out of jail because he wasnt coming home to me. Didnt do a whole lot of good but Cory was out of my house in two weeks after coming home and PO helped him acquire utilities. He sure got permission to move rather fast. I have never seen cory's dad move so fast to help get flooring down in a trailer either...lol.
  10. Rhonda

    Rhonda slightly wilted Magnolia

    Good for you. Maybe it is time to really take a look at yourself, without the therapist, or us or anyone elses opinion except your own. You are proud of what you did. That is very important. Your love for your son simply outweighs the concern you have for yourself. We all have been there done that.

    Remember, what is good for the goose is good for the gander. You want your son to be independent and strong and to care about what he is doing to himself and the people around him. Well, change places and put yourself in that sentence. The best method of teaching really is by example, nothing else works. We do not have control over anyone else. If that is what I wanted I would just bury my head in the sand and then follow it with the rest of my body. We want them to have control of themselves and how better to help them than to make sure they see that we have control of ourselves and our lives regardless of their wants, needs and behaviors

    If you make your son leave or if you let him stay isnt really point as long as you are in charge of your life and (not him and his lack of control). In controling your life you are also responsible for any minors in your home, so that includes making the decisions that will include their well being along with yours. You are never alone, none of us are. We have each other and if that doesn't help you then look at that little angel on your shoulder reminding you how loved you are, constantly. You are a beautiful, strong, loving, caring person. Being a "MOM" is not who we are. We are kind, we are hopeful, we are angry, we are frustrated, we are lonely, we are sad.. those are just a few of the qualities that make people who they are. "MOM" is just a name, don't get confined by what you think makes you a good one. The world does not know who you are, but you do. If you don't like the way you handle something, write it down, and then write down 3 other ways you could have handled it better. Be happy, smile, remember that you love your son more than he hates himself. That love may never have an effect on him but it does not change that it is there, big and true and glowing. Let him see that.

    I am going to walk beside my difficult child with my head held high and turn her over to the police and watch them take her into custody and put her behind bars. I am going to smile at her because I love her. I am going to hug her and tell her that she is not alone. But, she will go into that jail cell knowing I am angry about her actions, I am disappointed in her choices, and that I love her abundently. She will also know that she is where she is because of her actions not because I don't care enough to bail her out. (or let her live with me) I refuse to go there. And me? I am going to be happy that she is alive another day and I will hope that the love she sees shining from me will make her feel better, a little. You cant make someone want to be loved or to accept love. But you can be happy to give it, freely (good thing because most times we dont get any back).

    well hoped you enjoyed that disertation...ugh.. I did go on didnt I.

    lov and hugs to you! work it out.. you can..
  11. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Stands, sometimes finally getting MAD about something means you've turned the corner! Good for you!
  12. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    Glad you made that call, Stands. I too know how difficult that is! Towards the end of my 'career' I found I could no longer call the PO.......I had turned in my difficult child so many times, I just couldn't do it anymore. So I'm really glad to see you begin to take those hard steps. Hang in there my friend! (((Hugs)))
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Pony....I so know what you mean. Eventually you do get tired of it all. I am there. I refuse to call anymore. If they want to catch him doing something, they can do it. I am not paid the bucks to be his PO. I wont lie for him if asked directly at my front door but I am not using my phone to be their eyes and ears. That is their job.
  14. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Stands, sounds like you're moving in the right direction. Getting mad in these situations usually is a good sign. It indicates you're getting fed up with the behavior. I know those calls can't be easy to make.

    Hang in there.

  15. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Good job Stands!
  16. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    There is such a big change in your attitude, it is good to hear. You sound very confident and strong. Good for you for making the call! Hope you stand strong, sending support.
  17. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Keep it up, Stands.. this is the right road to be on ... come back and read this post when you have your tougher days ... it's quite a rollercoaster, I know..
  18. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Rhonda - your reply to me was beautiful. Right now I have no idea where he is or if he is ok or not. I had to call 911 again on Thursday. He came in drunk and was messed up. He told me he had done herion and then changed it to cocaine. He was driving me crazy for money. My husband was not here at the time - just me. So I called the police - they didnt take him at first. But they said if I called again they would come get him. So I called again when he was chasing me around the house trying to get my cell phone - they took him to the hospital where he was discharged. We did nnot go get him. He called yesterday from Subway but that is the last I have heard.
  19. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    You absolutely did the right thing in calling the police. I am glad that you called them the 2nd time. Personally, I think it's ridiculous they wouldn't take him the first time you called, and that the hospital discharged him without holding him 72 hours.

    I know how hard this is, but just for today, tell yourself 'It's okay to not know where he is....as long as he's not here!' If he's not okay, that's not on you, that's the hospital's fault, and your son's fault. Not your fault!!

  20. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Well he showed up. He called my husband and got a taco. Hes here.