Feeling Threatened

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by prescottsunshine, Dec 16, 2008.

  1. prescottsunshine

    prescottsunshine prescottsunshine

    This morning I am just completely miserable. My difficult child went off this morning and I am so tired of feeling physically threatened and having to protect my 11 year old easy child. It started normal enough with a fun morning playing in the snow but when a snowball accidentally went down difficult child's jacket, he attacked his younger brother and punched him in the face. It just went from bad to worse. My easy child got mad and took off his boot and threw it at difficult child and that was all he needed to go off the deep end (it didn't even hit him). Here I am, smaller than my difficult child, trying to stop him from beating his brother up and trying to diffuse the situation and all he is saying is "Shut the F...up mom", "Get the F...out of the way, I'm gonna kill him", etc., etc., etc. It goes on and on until he finally calms down, his dad comes to pick him up and my easy child and I are left in puddles on the floor. What is the next step? How can I survive worried about when he is really going to hurt his brother? What do I do and what happens after I have to call the police to take him away? Will they find placement for him, put him in a special school or program? What will happen because I can't live this way anymore....

  2. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Hello and welcome. How old is your difficult child? What are his dxs? Is he on medications? You might want to do a signature on the bottom of the page to give some info on your situation. It would be easier to offer help knowing some of the details.

    I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. I can, as most of us can relate to your struggle. It is so hard when it gets violent. I completely understand your frustration. When my daughter gets violent in my home I call the police or crisis intervention. If she is that out of control she will be brought to the hospital. Often times all it took was for the cops to come to the house, calm her down and threaten her with a hospital visit. However, there have been plenty of times she did end up in the hospital. Truthfully, if your son is that unstable maybe a hospital visit is in order. Especially if you feel threatened.

    Others will be along shortly to share their words of wisdom. Hang in there. :)
  3. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Hi there, I'm sorry for the rough morning. Is there any way you could create a signature similar to mine below by clicking on User CP at the top lefthand corner of the page? I'd like to respond to your post, but can't with any insight without knowing the particulars of your difficult child, age, diagnosis, medications, etc.

    Hang in there.
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry. I know the feeling, when it esclates, it really escalates!

    My difficult child used to go off like that. Thank heaven, with-therapy, medications, and knowing his triggers, he is much better.

    I can't recall how old he is ... you're smaller than he is, so he's a teenager?
    My only suggestions are to make sure you do not show fear in front of him, and to get him a proper diagnosis and medications. He goes off the deep end too quickly and retaliates too hard, obviously (although, having been raised in MN, I know the feeling, physicaly and emotionally, of having a snowball go down the back of my shirt!). I am so sorry.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Hello and Welcome! I am glad you found us, but very sorry you need us, if you know what I mean.

    If/when you are physically threatened by your son you need to call 911. If your son has a diagnosis of a mental illness then tell the 911 operator you need police to take him to a psychiatric hospital for evaluation because he is a threat.

    The key words are a "threat to himself or others". Unless he is a threat to himself or to you there is little the police and hospital can do.

    Does he have a psychiatrist or therapist who can recommend a psychiatric hospital? Is there a number on the back of your insurance card with a Behavioral Health number? If there is that number - CALL IT. Tell them EVERYTHING that has been going on, and tell them that you need to have him admitted (or have the psychiatrist or therapist set it up if they can).

    I don't know how old he is, or what the family situation is, but this is VERY dangerous, esp to your younger child. Physical violence cannot be tolerated under any circumstance.

    I know that is easier said than done. been there done that. Now my oldest child lives with my parents. He simply could not make safe choices around us. But after almost 3 years we have a really GOOD relationship, so there is hope.

  6. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    Families shouldn't have to live this way. Sadly, there are many situations like yours.

    Tell us more. Is there a diagnosis? Is difficult child getting the supports he needs in school via an IEP? Is this behavior new or has it been in place a good while.

    Welcome aboard!
  7. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    prescottsunshine: I feel how upsetting this is for you and both of your children.
    Clearly you do need to seek the options for each of your family to stop this type of episode.
    You can call to find the answers to those questions directly in your area. The juvenelle conselor dept of the police, the CPS, the county HEalth Nurse. Nothing you are facing is new, it is just new to you. The solution that you decide is going to fit maybe very differant from your fears.
    Domestic violence hotlines and family violence hotlines maybe in your phone book. Talking to people about what is happening is not going to have your house stormed and your child taken.
    The fact is our children can speak with a civil tongue to us , they can behave.
    No you do not have to live in that fear and you and your children can get the help to solve this matter. IT is up to you to act to stop it.
    And it will be better when you take the steps to get this matter handled once and for all. (pardon the pun)
  8. prescottsunshine

    prescottsunshine prescottsunshine

    First...thank you for your kind words and encouragement and great advice. I have finally been able to add a signature. It was difficult because they kept denying my signature as it was over 500 characters even though it wasn't. Ahh...but perseverance works every time! I hope that my situation is more clear to everyone now!

    As for your advice, it was wonderful! Just knowing I can call 911 and tell them my son needs to be transported to a psychiatric hospital rather than Juvie is very helpful and encouraging. I consider all these little snippits of information as tools for my toolbox! Also...I am going to call the number on the back of my son's insurance card to see what my options are. Our psychiatrist recommended a wilderness therapy program that costs about $30,000, which is out of the question. Then he recommended us considering sending our son to a Christian based home for children separated from their parents. He would be there for at least a year and it feels like sending him to an orphanage but we could visit and be involved. At this point, I am not making any long term decisions but am glad to have more tools!

  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    wilderness therapy program that costs about $30,000,


    Christian based home for children s... for at least a year

    Oooh, that would be way too long for me.

    I agree, no long-term decisions right now, but it's good to come up with-ideas.

    Welcome, Tanya. The signature/profile really helped. I'm very forgetful. :erm:
  10. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    Welcome! I've been away for a few days and just catching up with the board. Your difficult child sounds exactly like mine was at his age. Mine would start something by hitting or punching one of his sibs, then another would step in to protect and difficult child would go completely berserk. By the time I got things under control it would be unclear what had even started the fracas, and everyone but difficult child would be shaking and miserable.

    If I were limited to one piece of advice, I would say - protect your easy child. Make your difficult child take responsibility for his actions. Call 911 if you or easy child are physically threatened or afraid. No matter what your difficult child's diagnosis, he can and must learn to abide by basic societal rules, such as no violence. Things will get better faster if he has to face this reality.
  11. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    There is no way you & your family should feel threatened; held hostage to difficult children behaviors/illness.

    Like Susie I call 911, but I make sure that I need transport of a "mentally or emotionally ill" child. It makes a difference (at least here) to the outcome of the call when you include those words in a call to 911.

    Our son, wm, no longer lives in our home due to threatening, violent behaviors. Saying that, husband & I had drawn our line in the sand for the tweedles.

    The tweedles both knew our line in the sand (taking medications & no physical or verbal abuse). If either stepped over that line 911 or crisis team was called & we likely ended up in ER & then the wait for a psychiatric bed.

    When I set up my "line in the sand" I informed psychiatrist ahead of time. I wanted him to know; he approved & supported my plan.

    So I no longer live with threats; I no longer live with my son. I miss him ~ don't miss his "antics".
  12. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Can difficult child move in with your ex-husband? The #1 thing is to keep everyone physically safe. If difficult child is violent with easy child, easy child needs to be protected now.