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Feeling very low.
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<blockquote data-quote="MissLulu" data-source="post: 758041" data-attributes="member: 24721"><p>Hello all, thanks so much for your kind words. Sorry it's taken a few days to get back to you. I was going to say I've been busy, but that's not actually true. I've just been... bleurgh. I sometimes feel that I post the same thing here over and over and that it must be frustrating for others to read.</p><p></p><p>TRIGGER WARNING - description of violent act ahead.</p><p>So, some background to what helped to spark this latest low period for me. I have been watching the news a little - mainly just to keep abreast of the Covid situation, because we are experiencing a second wave in our state, and it's much worse than the first time around. (Still very small compared to US or UK, but nevertheless worrying.) Last week there was a news story that pretty much shattered me. </p><p></p><p>(Again trigger warning as this story describes an act of family violence.)</p><p></p><p>Where I live we have very strict gun control and virtually zero gun deaths so all shooting incidents are big news here. Last weekend the following event was all over the news - it was almost impossible to avoid hearing about it. Police shot dead a young man (about my son's age) in a park. The young man had mental health issues and was stabbing his mother. She is still in a critical condition. As the days have gone by more information about their relationship has been revealed. Apparently this mother had spent years trying to help this boy, never gave up on him and this is how it ended - him dead and her critically injured. I hesitated to write about this here because I don't want to depress any of you, but in the end I decided that the only people I know who might understand how I feel are here in this community.</p><p></p><p>Coupled with the odd behaviour of my Difficult Child last week, this event made me really depressed. I guess it made me feel a bit hopeless. As much as I try to accept where things are at with my son and to lovingly detach from his life choices, somewhere deep inside I do hope for something to change. Looking at this mother and her son, I felt her pain. All the years of trying her best to get help for someone who either couldn't be (or didn't want to be) helped and it ending in tragedy. </p><p></p><p>To be clear, my son is not physically violent. I'm not afraid of him in that way and I in no way envisage anything like this happening to me. It's more about the relentlessness of living with kids like ours (whether they are in our homes or not).</p><p></p><p>Sometimes I feel like I have made huge progress and then I backslide emotionally and feel like I'm still as broken as I ever was. Since I first posted this thread, I have picked up a little and I've started to think about the progress I've made.</p><p></p><p>In my heart I know something has been going on with my Difficult Child these past few weeks. I don't know what it is. I feel anxious about what it might be. However, I have not rushed in to investigate or help. I have responded to his messages (with kind, supportive messages reminding him that I love him) and that's all. Today he texted and he seemed better. I'm not sure whether he's sorted out whatever the heck is going on with him or not, but if so that is progress for both of us. I've been emotionally low, but I've managed to stop myself from getting involved in his business. That's big step forward for me. </p><p></p><p>I will emerge from this funk eventually (I always do!) In the meantime, thanks for putting up with me. </p><p></p><p>xxx</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MissLulu, post: 758041, member: 24721"] Hello all, thanks so much for your kind words. Sorry it's taken a few days to get back to you. I was going to say I've been busy, but that's not actually true. I've just been... bleurgh. I sometimes feel that I post the same thing here over and over and that it must be frustrating for others to read. TRIGGER WARNING - description of violent act ahead. So, some background to what helped to spark this latest low period for me. I have been watching the news a little - mainly just to keep abreast of the Covid situation, because we are experiencing a second wave in our state, and it's much worse than the first time around. (Still very small compared to US or UK, but nevertheless worrying.) Last week there was a news story that pretty much shattered me. (Again trigger warning as this story describes an act of family violence.) Where I live we have very strict gun control and virtually zero gun deaths so all shooting incidents are big news here. Last weekend the following event was all over the news - it was almost impossible to avoid hearing about it. Police shot dead a young man (about my son's age) in a park. The young man had mental health issues and was stabbing his mother. She is still in a critical condition. As the days have gone by more information about their relationship has been revealed. Apparently this mother had spent years trying to help this boy, never gave up on him and this is how it ended - him dead and her critically injured. I hesitated to write about this here because I don't want to depress any of you, but in the end I decided that the only people I know who might understand how I feel are here in this community. Coupled with the odd behaviour of my Difficult Child last week, this event made me really depressed. I guess it made me feel a bit hopeless. As much as I try to accept where things are at with my son and to lovingly detach from his life choices, somewhere deep inside I do hope for something to change. Looking at this mother and her son, I felt her pain. All the years of trying her best to get help for someone who either couldn't be (or didn't want to be) helped and it ending in tragedy. To be clear, my son is not physically violent. I'm not afraid of him in that way and I in no way envisage anything like this happening to me. It's more about the relentlessness of living with kids like ours (whether they are in our homes or not). Sometimes I feel like I have made huge progress and then I backslide emotionally and feel like I'm still as broken as I ever was. Since I first posted this thread, I have picked up a little and I've started to think about the progress I've made. In my heart I know something has been going on with my Difficult Child these past few weeks. I don't know what it is. I feel anxious about what it might be. However, I have not rushed in to investigate or help. I have responded to his messages (with kind, supportive messages reminding him that I love him) and that's all. Today he texted and he seemed better. I'm not sure whether he's sorted out whatever the heck is going on with him or not, but if so that is progress for both of us. I've been emotionally low, but I've managed to stop myself from getting involved in his business. That's big step forward for me. I will emerge from this funk eventually (I always do!) In the meantime, thanks for putting up with me. xxx [/QUOTE]
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