Feeling very manipulated

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by ILMS, Apr 11, 2013.

  1. ILMS

    ILMS Guest

    We made my difficult child move out, as you know. He has been staying with someone he said was from church (found out that was a lie - I guess he just wanted me to think he was in a safe place). He called me and said he did want to go to college group at our church that night. I said yes, I would. Main reason I wanted him to go is because the leader of the college group is an ex-addict that has really been trying to help him, and I wanted him to be able to talk to him. He took a bus as close to me as he could. We headed to church, but he asked me if he could pick up some clothes from one of the houses he had stayed at. I said yes, I actually believed that is what he wanted to really do! He was careless enough to leave a text on my phone, that said this: "I have to get it and go please sell me sum I have 20$ and I'll be at ur house n bout ten fifteen minutes is that cool. I can't wait any longer." So I took my son to a drug dealer's house!! When I confronted him with it, he said he was getting her to buy him cigarettes because he had lost his license. Such a liar!! So I feel very manipulated and lied to and stupid for falling for his manipulation once again. So I told him I am through taking him anywhere, even church or Celebrate Recovery. If he is serious, he will find a way to get there. I don't want him in my car or at my house anymore. I have no idea who he is staying with, but I am sure it will get old with him not being able to contribute financially as he has no job, no car or driver's license. He is probably selling drugs himself to get money, I don't know where he would have got $20 from.

    Just had to vent once again. Every time something like this happens, makes me more resolved to not fall for his manipulation anymore.
  2. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Hi ILMS,
    That has happened to me a couple of times with my difficult child, when he was about 17, and I was used and made a fool of, and I'm sure he and his friends had a good laugh on me. I actually had his drug using/dealing friends over for a big dinner and sleepover, and I even drove them to and from the movies, where they smoked pot. Lord, I was a jacka**.
    We never see it coming, because we aren't like that ourselves. When we speak, we tell the truth, and so we often think our own children would be just like us. NOT!
    Don't let it get you down. I was so naive, and I was the adult. Payback is a mother, though, that's what I keep telling myself, anyway. It's time to detach, ILMS. Lots and lots of hugs to you.
  3. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Can SO relate ILMS! husband and I were used too...over and over again by our oldest difficult child in particular. Of course he had little brother to team up with at times.

    I remember getting a hug goodnight only to find the other brother crawling around to the other side of the bed to unplug phone they were grounded from. Or, giving hug goodnight just to see how close we were to sleeping while they had their beds stuffed and were waiting for a ride to go party. Then oldest difficult child upped the ante (while on Meth) when working for husband he stole 10,000k worth of computer equipment from husband's law firm client.
    He went to prison for that one.

    Today, husband and I receive restitution checks in the mail as husband was named part victim in the law firm computer theft. LOL...Oldest difficult child has been "born again" and HATES the fact that I go to the casino these days. What he doesn't know is that everytime we get a restitution check...I'm on my way out the door to the Casino!!! There is justice in the world, lol.

    Hang in there...I think almost all of us, and our good nature's/love, have been used like a drug. It's what they do.
    You'll be able to see through it better in the future.

    And remember my oldest difficult child was on his way to being a very dangerous mastermind criminal as he is very very smart and was very manipulative. He is 25 now, married with 2 daughter's he adores and another daughter on the way, Recently built and bought his first home and is working extremely hard for his growing family.

    There is hope.
  4. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Hang in there.... I think we have all fallen for their manipulations at one time or another or many times. I think it is part of our process of figuring things out and figuring out when they are sincere... it gets easier to figure out their manipulations and see it for what it is. And it comes from wanting to believe the best of them and we do that because we love them and that is a good thing.

  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ugh yes I've done the same I'm sure. I've been manipulated and lied to for years. They are all the same, different names same stories. I'm sorry.
  6. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Member


    i understand you feelings at being duped again.

    our addicts lie. We hope and pray. Sometimes we get lucky and sometimes we don't.

    *keep your boundaries up. Take care of you! Hugs!