feelings of being watched?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by jennd23, Jul 23, 2011.

  1. jennd23

    jennd23 New Member

    So my son has never liked to be left alone in a room. I'm talking I can't even shower without him sitting on the rug.....for the last seven years. So of course over the years I've asked why he doesn't like to be alone, he "doesn't know" or "just doesn't" or "i just like being near you".

    Well today I was in my room getting ready and he ran in like a bat out of heck. He'd been watching a show in the living room. For the first time ever when I asked why he was scared he said because when he's alone he feels like someone is watching him. "like a ghost or something" I tried to reassure him that no one else is in our house, just me and him and that there is nothing to be scared of, ghosts aren't real, etc. I'm sure you can guess how much that helped.

    Does anyone have suggestions for what to say to help him get over this?

    I am slightly concerned over him having these feelings but we already have a psychiatric appointment tomorrow anyway so I'll just mention it then....just now that I know why he doesn't like to be alone I'd like to be able to reassure him some how....
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    Does he have any mood problems? The only thing that helped Onyxx with this was a mood stabilizer...
  3. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I don't have much to offer except many {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} to you both. My easy child/difficult child is STILL afraid of being alone on a level of our house (we have a 2-story). He doesn't know why he's scared but it's getting annoying to me and difficult child. He won't take a shower (it's upstairs) unless difficult child or I are upstairs with him. If he wakes up first in the morning, he will wake difficult child up to go downstairs with him. easy child/difficult child has a very active imagination. He "hears" noises when he is alone on a different level. I have tried everything I can think of from explaining pipes and house settling to having him take a radio in with him and play it loud. Nothing helps.

    More {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} to you both.
  4. keista

    keista New Member

    Well, I am one of those 'believers', so my first question to both jennd23 and TeDo is: Do they feel this same way OUTSIDE the home. School, stores, in the car, out in the yard, at a friend's or relative's?

    This 'feeling' could definitely be organic and a part of their illnesses/issues especially if it occurs elsewhere, but could also be an indicator of a legitimate presence. EITHER way, you could try to do a cleansing. In other words, acknowledge the fact that there 'might' be a presence in the home and perform a ritual to get rid of it. This could be done with your family's spiritual adviser, if available, or on your own.

    No lie, my friend recently cleansed a bungalow she moved into. It was just her and her dog, and he'd sleep with her in her room with the door closed. In the mornings, lights that were of would be on, doors opened or closed, ant traps missing (not moved, missing) toilet paper either played with or also missing. She cleansed with burning sage and sea salt. I can ask for specifics or you can probably google it too. Since then, she's felt the house to be MUCH calmer. She still experiences some activity, but not to the same degree as when she first moved in.

    Now, whether it's ghosts or an organic illness is not really the point. The REAL point is that going through the motions of such a ceremony could have a VERY powerful positive psychological effect and help regardless of the source. in my opinion It's a relatively harmless and painless therapy tactic that might be worth a try.
  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    The only thing I know is that extra activity in the temporal lobe will cause a feeling of "being watched" or that someone else is in the room.

    Any chance that this is a side-effect of the medications?

    Not to scare you or anything....but has anyone ever checked his neural activity to make sure everything is normal?
  6. jennd23

    jennd23 New Member

    Keista his issue of being afraid to be alone exists in all environments so im not Sure. Im not sure I'd want to try a cleansing because I can see that making the problem worse and him wanting everywhere cleansed frequently just in case.

    Mood disorders are debatable. I'd lean towards yes and the initial neuro psychiatric said monitor as He gets older for one.

    Daisy do you mean scans etc? He's not had any scans. I don't think its medications related because the behavior has been ongoing since well his whole life. He's only now said its because it seems someone is watching. He's had some Language /communication issues so Maybe he hasn't been able to explain until now or maybe he's only disliked being alone and feels watched now on medications. Im not sure.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Well, either way, it is important to bring up at your next appointment.
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

  9. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Yes - I have seen some documentaries on frontal lobe activity linked to a "watched" feeling....in extreme cases, the frontal lobe activity can also cause religious-type "visions of angels" or hearing the voice of G-d...

    Based on Jennd23's description, I certainly wasn't thinking about religious fanatacism...

    but I did wonder whether the child had ever been checked for mini-seizures, epilepsy or unusual brain activity...that type of thing.
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I believe in ghosts, the paranormal, and that we go onto another life after death and come back. Even so, if my mentally ill child with problems said he felt as if he were being watched by "maybe a ghost" I would tell the psychiatrist right away. in my opinion it sounds like anxiety/paranoia. You can get paranoid from depression too. This happened to me as a kid.
  11. keista

    keista New Member

    Big time agree with that, it continues to happen for me as well.

    I do understand. It may push him into Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) cleansing everything and everywhere. It came to mind only because TeDo mentioned a similar situation that does sound more like ghosts, and yours sounds more like illness.

    DD2 occasionally expresses concern that our house is haunted. She doesn't FEEL it, just concerned that it is. I assure her that it isn't, that I really would know if it was, and perform a mini "ritual" to protect her (just in case)

    Of course, psychiatrist and therapist should be alerted to any insights into symptoms. Wonderful that he finally has more language to help articulate things. It certainly makes life 'easier'
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I just remembered something ... when my difficult child was little, he hated being alone in his room. I bought him a dream catcher. He was fascinated by the real leather and feather and story behind it.
    About a week later, he got up in the middle of the night, turned on all the lights, and came into our bedroom.
    "What about the dream catcher?" I asked.
    "It didn't work."

    That's as close as I ever came to "cleansing."
  13. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    My son has forever been very afraid of being alone.....Even now...it's very difficult to get him to go and bath upstairs or get his clothes. If we are in the house and it gets very quiet he will in a very hipo-histerical voice call to see if some one is answering. I can't even go outside without telling him, because he might call me and can't hear me answer him.
    Going to the shops is even worse....sometimes he will go out on his own....looking for something, but otherwise he drives me nuts. I just want to turn my back to look at something else than Ben 10 then he would say:"No stay....don't go!" But all this is caused by his anxiety and fear of rejection......
  14. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I have this, though probably not as seriously now that I am an adult.

    I was up until 3AM the other night because I've been alone in the house since Friday night (H stayed behind in FL). easy child was out both Friday and Saturday night, I think I averaged four hours each night. Also, I lock up the house like fort Knox-drives H crazy when he comes home and everything is locked up tight (he leaves everything open), we live in the country.

    I also won't look at the bathroom window when I'm in there, so convinced am I that I will surely see a face looking in. If I'm watching tv at night, I pull the blinds and curtains closed so someone can't look in, I'm so convinced that there is surely someone trying to look in. Even alone in my office at work, I will turn around to check the windows, sure there is someone looking at me. I try to talk myself down, especially when I have to shower, but it's difficult at times. Xanax helps me in terms of sleeping at night, but more and more, I do spiritual home cleanings. I know, sounds kooky, but by lighting some candles and calling on God/spirits, whomever, I ask for protection. There are a series of steps but the final step is I open the back door and call any lingering spirits to move on to where they belong and leave our home. I learned this through a local woman when it was discovered that our dog was either seeing or imagining ghosts. Anyway, it really does ease my mind.

    Here's the thing, whether or not you believe ghosts are real or not doesn't matter. No matter how many times you try to reassure your son that ghosts don't exist he will still feel otherwise. Therefore, you must address that seriously for him. If, on the other hand, he is having some sort of mental issue going on, then you will need medical help or, both.

    When I was little, my parents went next door to the neighbors-it was summer. I was supposed to be sleeping,but instead I went around and closed up all the windows except the ONE window with the exhaust fan in it. I laid in my bed sweltering with no air moving around at all. My mom came home and yelled at me and called me ridiculous, told me I was silly for being scared, that no one was there and to go to sleep goddammit. That was probably in 1970 or something, long before parents were a bit more sensitive to their children's needs.

    I hope you find a way to help your son. Big hugs.
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2011
  15. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    If he's been watching anything that involves hidden surveillance that might also feed into or even create that "being watched" feeling.
  16. jennd23

    jennd23 New Member

    H&R - I do this sometimes to an extent too but its not bad and its not often. I lived alone a long time before i got married and hvae lived alone (well....with DS) again for almost a year so I don't feel this way often. I feel less paranoid now that we live in a one story, actually.

    Lovelyboy - S does that too. When i go out to do yardwork or even just turn the sprinklers on (which takes less than 5 minutes) he's at the back door checking every 30 seconds. "MOM, I can't see you" Even if I tell him where I"ll be and what I'll be doing (which i always do)

    I don't mean to suggest that ghosts aren't real for those who believe, I hope I didn't offend. I just personally don't believe. If DS is struggling with it I can see how suggesting that they aren't real wouldn't help anything.

    Our appointment is this afternoon and after the morning we had (nothing to do with being watched) it couldn't come at a better time.
  17. jennd23

    jennd23 New Member

    Oh Haozi, I'll keep my eye out for that. Luckily since he's emotionally immature we're still on most "safe" cartoons and 99% of the time we're watching together and I don't recall anything like that but I'll keep an eye out for it.
  18. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Jo...you can be so glad you dont live where I do...lol. I also live in the country but living in a mobile, they really dont lock up very well. A good swift kick will open a door. Any of the windows can be slid open fairly easily too. We just put a lock on my front door...lol. Its a nice lock...one with a touch pad but we still dont lock it...lmao. I think the only time I have ever locked my doors is if Tony isnt home and if the dogs are really acting up. Maybe two or three times. We did lock the house when we all went out of town for my Dad's funeral I think. Maybe not.
  19. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I sure am now, Janet!!!! OMG. When we went camping in our camper, I would lock the door and H would just laugh his ***** off at silly ol' me, locking up a camper that is made of plastic and canvas, has zippers throughout and nylon screens, lol.

    When I was kid we never locked anything, ever, no one did. I get that, but when I'm home alone, everything gets locked.
  20. jennd23

    jennd23 New Member

    His Dr thinks its likely anxiety induced paranoia. Due to some other stuff going on we're upping his vyvanse now. Going to phase out abilify then add prozac over the next few months.