Feelinng hopeless

[toughlovin]

Hi all, Sorry for all my typos I am having a weird problem with writing out messages on this site...

Anyway I am feeling a bit hopeless.... I know in my heart of hearts there is nothing I can do I just have to wait and see what happens. I gather from my friend that there is some healing and bad feelings at the sober house and i think my difficult child may have screwed some people over. I feel such a mixture of sadness and disgust with him right now. There is nothing more I can do and somehow I have to go on and enjoy my life but I hate this, hate him being homeless, hate not knowing what is going on, hate not feeling like he has a future and hate how he treats other people and then lies and lies and lies. How on earth did I end up with a son like this? Thank you all for being there.

*TL

 

[Nancy]

I hate it for you TL. I don't know why he does this over and over. It's almost like he has very little empathy for people and continues to do what he wants with no regard to the damage he causes and then he has to crawl back. You would think he would learn. He's had enough chances to make it better so is it that he wants it to be this way or he can't stop himself?

And I think it's so hard for us because we have empathy and so we feel their pain and hurt and lonliness, we project how we would feel on them. Perhaps he doesn't feel that pain.

You have done everything within your power to help him. I wish there was an answer and a way to help him. Does your friend have any perspective to what makes him tick?

 

[buddy]

I'm heartbroken for you. Good for you for sharing how you feel. I'm sure others can relate and you empower them to share or know they are not alone in their feelings.

Sending you hugs....you are a wonderful loving mother.

 

[lovemysons]

Just another that is here for you TL.

I wish I had the answers...
Hugs,
LMS

 

[toughlovin]

Thanks Everyone.... and Nancy you describe exactly how I feel. I do think he can stop himself when he is motivated to do so but I dont think he thinks before he acts and so sometimes does things without thinking and then tries to cover it up.... so impulse control is definitely part of it. But I dont think it is all of it because he has shown before that when he is motivated to control it he can... at least in part. He seems to lose motivation after a while and I dont know why.... I dont think he wants to live this way but I do think he wants what he wants and will try to get it disregarding how others feel. I dont think he is completely lacking empathy but i am basing that on him as a young boy when he definitely had empathy... not so sure now.

I am becoming more and more convinced he really has a personality disorder and I think that is what he really needs help with...but it doesnt matter unless he wants that help and geez he has had some of it and walked away from it.

*TL

 

[FlowerGarden]

I am sorry you are hurting. You are a terrific mom. Hugs to you.

 

[DDD]

I'm sending supportive hugs your way. Perhaps in a few years your son will reach that plateau that many of us have experienced where his behavior is more stable and you'll feel there is reason to hope that his future will be brighter. Right now, however, he is "at that age" where it's hard to see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. I know how you feel. Do know we are rooting for you and sending caring thoughts. DDD

 

[Signorina]

Love and hugs to you.

 

[Rabbit]

Sending hugs and prayers for you! Rabbit