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Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Fighting the urge to rescue just so I feel better
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<blockquote data-quote="Unhappymom" data-source="post: 725060" data-attributes="member: 22591"><p>My son, 40 yrs old, is manipulative, rude, ungrateful, has a sense of entitlement and its been going on, enabld by me for years. I finally said ENOUGH! Its been 7 weeks since i cut off communication. He has drained me mentally and physically. When he was young he was violent, we slept with deadbolts on our doors. We sought help from child protective agencies who came and evaluated the home etc.....hard to find my son in need of protection living in an upper middle class home with two loving parents and all of lifes luxuries....spoiled rotten..it was our fault. Only when we had pointed out the danger this son posed to our younger son did they remove him from our home. Life was good, until he turned 17 and he was at our front door. Here we go again. The rest is history. Id do anything to.get him out of the house, pay his rent, buy him food, find him jobs, all to no avail. I was working 16 hour days so he could be lazy and do nothing. I have finally learned that unless you allow your children to fail and learn to problem solve, history will keep repeating itself. If we keep "saving" them everytime they use poor judgememt they will never learn to problem solve. They need to hit bottom, suffer the consequences of their poor life choices. It is the hardest thing i have ever had to do. But i am important too. I worked my whole life to be able to enjoy my retirement amd this kid was just sucking me dry, draining my savings, insulting me. Im trying to make it thru the holidays. Luckily he does not live near me.....i am so thankful for the support i have found on this site. It is comforting to know i am not alone. Thank you all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Unhappymom, post: 725060, member: 22591"] My son, 40 yrs old, is manipulative, rude, ungrateful, has a sense of entitlement and its been going on, enabld by me for years. I finally said ENOUGH! Its been 7 weeks since i cut off communication. He has drained me mentally and physically. When he was young he was violent, we slept with deadbolts on our doors. We sought help from child protective agencies who came and evaluated the home etc.....hard to find my son in need of protection living in an upper middle class home with two loving parents and all of lifes luxuries....spoiled rotten..it was our fault. Only when we had pointed out the danger this son posed to our younger son did they remove him from our home. Life was good, until he turned 17 and he was at our front door. Here we go again. The rest is history. Id do anything to.get him out of the house, pay his rent, buy him food, find him jobs, all to no avail. I was working 16 hour days so he could be lazy and do nothing. I have finally learned that unless you allow your children to fail and learn to problem solve, history will keep repeating itself. If we keep "saving" them everytime they use poor judgememt they will never learn to problem solve. They need to hit bottom, suffer the consequences of their poor life choices. It is the hardest thing i have ever had to do. But i am important too. I worked my whole life to be able to enjoy my retirement amd this kid was just sucking me dry, draining my savings, insulting me. Im trying to make it thru the holidays. Luckily he does not live near me.....i am so thankful for the support i have found on this site. It is comforting to know i am not alone. Thank you all. [/QUOTE]
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Fighting the urge to rescue just so I feel better
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