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Figuring out Oliver...
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 701141" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Hi and Welcome! You will find a LOT of support here from people who truly understand. There are things you need to know, and first off, you are a great mom. How do I know? You care enough to search out answers, to spend what little extra money you have on therapy for a preschooler, and you are here. </p><p></p><p>I firmly believe that kids do well WHEN they can, NOT NOT NOT when they want to. Kids want to please adults, normally. Very few children don't, but very many are set up to fail for reasons they don't understand. For my own son, now 24 almost 25 and doing very well, it was a combination of things and some of it started very early. ADHD can be a big challenge for a kid. I remember the leader of a meeting for soccer parents and their 6 yo kids wanting to throw us out, including off of a team totally (before the season even started), because my son wouldn't stop rolling around on the floor. It was hour 1.5 of what should have been a 30 min meeting, my son had finished the books he brought to read, and it was BOOOOOORING. The leader told him that if he could tell him what he had just said then son could be on a team. My child stood up and did a PERFECT imitation of the man, including repeating verbatim what he said for the last 3 minutes. Even the accent and mispronunciation of this monotone man was perfectly repeated. The man wasn't happy because everyone else in the room laughed, but it ended the seemingly endless meeting and son was put on a team. </p><p></p><p>School was worse. If son wasn't doing something they didn't want him to do, then he was picked on. I even lost jobs because I had to keep picking him up from school. School was mad because it took me 45-60 min to come and get him. I don't think anyone was happy with me for several years running due to all of this. </p><p></p><p>So our kids ARE a challenge, and what is wrong can sometimes be the child, the teacher, the environment, an illness/condition, or a combination of all of the above. I HATE and LOATHE the ODD diagnosis. It tells you NOTHING about how to help, it is just a label. Almost all of us here have had that label applied to our kids, and not one of us has gotten anything therapeutically valuable out of that label.</p><p></p><p>I would like to suggest some books to start with. The Explosive Child by Ross Greene is classic and amazing. It helps you figure out what is going on inside that causes the explosion. What the Explosive Child is Trying to Tell You by Doug Riley is also amazing. Again, it helps you understand what is going on, and then you can figure out how to fix it. Parenting with Love and Logic is one of my favorites and they have a whole range for parents of different ages. You might do well with Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood - I used to give this as a gift to new kindergarten and first grade teachers that my kids had. Every one of them not only loved the book, but recommended it to parents of kids with problems. </p><p></p><p>Another thing to think about are sensory issues. Does your child seek out or avoid various types of sensory input? Sounds that are okay if he makes them but not if you do? Any other type of sensory behavior sought out or avoided? You may not even realize it until you look. I think most kids with problems have some level of sensory integration issues. I know all 3 of mine, even my very easy daughter, had sensory integration disorder. This sounds like a big deal and it can be. But the treatment is incredible and makes huge changes. You can learn more from the books The Out of Sync Child and The Out of Sync Child Has Fun. The last is full of activities to provide the sensory input your child needs, the first book explains the problems and how they can be helped. You would get an evaluation by an Occupational Therapist who works with kids to evaluate for this. I know that my youngest was the only one with an official diagnosis, but our entire family changed when I used what I learned with my youngest on all of us. It really made a huge difference. I didn't take my oldest because I was told they were "too old to be helped" but the treatment made a huge difference for them anyway. </p><p></p><p>Others will suggest a neuropsychological evaluation to test for problems. I like these, but your son is too young for most of the testing that they would do. At least that is what I was told when my youngest was his age and having problems. You might have better results from a developmental pediatrician at your son's age. </p><p></p><p>Has the school told you exactly why he was such a problem? I know one school we looked at for my oldest told us first that of course he would do great there. Then the teacher met me in the parking lot and BEGGED me not to enroll him. Officially she couldn't say that, but he was reading 3rd grade books going INTO kindergarten (and passing tests about them without having the books read aloud to him), and the teacher said there was zero chance of him being challenged. If your son is smart, he may be super bored. In my experience, smart bored little girls find something acceptable to do, but smart bored little boys find trouble. I raised some of each, taught in a homeschool coop and spent a lot of time as the mom volunteering in the school. I saw this over and over and over. Sadly, most schools don't teach to the smart kids, even at preschool age. We had the best luck with schools/teachers who embraced Montessori and let our kids work at their own pace and level. One sainted school principal even brought middle school reading in for our son when he was in first grade because he was bored with the 5th grade books in the after school program. We hated when we lost her to retirement because her replacement thought our son should be limited by his age as to his learning. It was a disaster and he put her through her paces.</p><p></p><p>Have you thought of Head Start? They run preschools and are federally funded so they must deal with a wider range of kids and provide for them at their levels, at least more than regular private preschools. Just a thought.</p><p></p><p>Most of all, whatever ANY expert says, if your instincts say it is wrong, do NOT go along, no matter who that expert is or what their qualifications are. They are experts in a field of study. YOU are the expert in your child. You alone are the one who spends hours upon hours with him, who knows him, and knows what is right for him, and it is up to you to advocate for him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 701141, member: 1233"] Hi and Welcome! You will find a LOT of support here from people who truly understand. There are things you need to know, and first off, you are a great mom. How do I know? You care enough to search out answers, to spend what little extra money you have on therapy for a preschooler, and you are here. I firmly believe that kids do well WHEN they can, NOT NOT NOT when they want to. Kids want to please adults, normally. Very few children don't, but very many are set up to fail for reasons they don't understand. For my own son, now 24 almost 25 and doing very well, it was a combination of things and some of it started very early. ADHD can be a big challenge for a kid. I remember the leader of a meeting for soccer parents and their 6 yo kids wanting to throw us out, including off of a team totally (before the season even started), because my son wouldn't stop rolling around on the floor. It was hour 1.5 of what should have been a 30 min meeting, my son had finished the books he brought to read, and it was BOOOOOORING. The leader told him that if he could tell him what he had just said then son could be on a team. My child stood up and did a PERFECT imitation of the man, including repeating verbatim what he said for the last 3 minutes. Even the accent and mispronunciation of this monotone man was perfectly repeated. The man wasn't happy because everyone else in the room laughed, but it ended the seemingly endless meeting and son was put on a team. School was worse. If son wasn't doing something they didn't want him to do, then he was picked on. I even lost jobs because I had to keep picking him up from school. School was mad because it took me 45-60 min to come and get him. I don't think anyone was happy with me for several years running due to all of this. So our kids ARE a challenge, and what is wrong can sometimes be the child, the teacher, the environment, an illness/condition, or a combination of all of the above. I HATE and LOATHE the ODD diagnosis. It tells you NOTHING about how to help, it is just a label. Almost all of us here have had that label applied to our kids, and not one of us has gotten anything therapeutically valuable out of that label. I would like to suggest some books to start with. The Explosive Child by Ross Greene is classic and amazing. It helps you figure out what is going on inside that causes the explosion. What the Explosive Child is Trying to Tell You by Doug Riley is also amazing. Again, it helps you understand what is going on, and then you can figure out how to fix it. Parenting with Love and Logic is one of my favorites and they have a whole range for parents of different ages. You might do well with Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood - I used to give this as a gift to new kindergarten and first grade teachers that my kids had. Every one of them not only loved the book, but recommended it to parents of kids with problems. Another thing to think about are sensory issues. Does your child seek out or avoid various types of sensory input? Sounds that are okay if he makes them but not if you do? Any other type of sensory behavior sought out or avoided? You may not even realize it until you look. I think most kids with problems have some level of sensory integration issues. I know all 3 of mine, even my very easy daughter, had sensory integration disorder. This sounds like a big deal and it can be. But the treatment is incredible and makes huge changes. You can learn more from the books The Out of Sync Child and The Out of Sync Child Has Fun. The last is full of activities to provide the sensory input your child needs, the first book explains the problems and how they can be helped. You would get an evaluation by an Occupational Therapist who works with kids to evaluate for this. I know that my youngest was the only one with an official diagnosis, but our entire family changed when I used what I learned with my youngest on all of us. It really made a huge difference. I didn't take my oldest because I was told they were "too old to be helped" but the treatment made a huge difference for them anyway. Others will suggest a neuropsychological evaluation to test for problems. I like these, but your son is too young for most of the testing that they would do. At least that is what I was told when my youngest was his age and having problems. You might have better results from a developmental pediatrician at your son's age. Has the school told you exactly why he was such a problem? I know one school we looked at for my oldest told us first that of course he would do great there. Then the teacher met me in the parking lot and BEGGED me not to enroll him. Officially she couldn't say that, but he was reading 3rd grade books going INTO kindergarten (and passing tests about them without having the books read aloud to him), and the teacher said there was zero chance of him being challenged. If your son is smart, he may be super bored. In my experience, smart bored little girls find something acceptable to do, but smart bored little boys find trouble. I raised some of each, taught in a homeschool coop and spent a lot of time as the mom volunteering in the school. I saw this over and over and over. Sadly, most schools don't teach to the smart kids, even at preschool age. We had the best luck with schools/teachers who embraced Montessori and let our kids work at their own pace and level. One sainted school principal even brought middle school reading in for our son when he was in first grade because he was bored with the 5th grade books in the after school program. We hated when we lost her to retirement because her replacement thought our son should be limited by his age as to his learning. It was a disaster and he put her through her paces. Have you thought of Head Start? They run preschools and are federally funded so they must deal with a wider range of kids and provide for them at their levels, at least more than regular private preschools. Just a thought. Most of all, whatever ANY expert says, if your instincts say it is wrong, do NOT go along, no matter who that expert is or what their qualifications are. They are experts in a field of study. YOU are the expert in your child. You alone are the one who spends hours upon hours with him, who knows him, and knows what is right for him, and it is up to you to advocate for him. [/QUOTE]
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