Finally got to see granddaughter and briefly my daughter after 9 months

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Jenna0823, Apr 11, 2019.

  1. Jenna0823

    Jenna0823 Member

    So I finally drove from NC to NJ and got to see my precious 11 year old granddaughter. Her other grandmother really helped getting my daughter to agree. Please read my previous posts to understand what has been going on. My granddaughter was beyond excited to see my son and I. The smile on her face was priceless. We stayed in a hotel for three nights with her. We went to the movies, bowling and played go fish and UNO. We played tennis and went fishing and out for ice cream and meals. It was like the past 9 months being alienated from her didn’t exist. So my daughter dropped her off at a rest stop because her new address is so top secret. I found out where she lives anyway. We are cordial and make small talk. Then off for the three day weekend with my granddaughter. She was so cuddly and sweet. She missed us terribly. She said she doesn’t think about sad stuff though. Like missing me and her dad overdosed last July and passed away in front of her. She isn’t in any counseling. My daughter then agrees to meet us the next day for lunch. Never offers to pay for her food. Never apologized to me for alienation of my granddaughter. So again we make small talk. I tell her I have had her 5 year old son she abandoned a year ago visit with me a few times. I showed her pics of him on my phone. She looks at the pics then immediately starts complaining how her ex is now making her pay $25 a week child support for him. She said she has two kids to take care of already. One has the father there the other gets social security money every month from her dad dying. Not one kind word or interest in her middle child. He means nothing at all to her. She was on drugs off and on mostly on and in jail since he was born. Last March 2018 she went to see him for the day. Of course only to try to get money out of her ex. No contact since then. I told my daughter I love her but if she wants me in her life she knows my number if not ok. So my granddaughter tells me that my daughter and the third baby daddy and current boyfriend and her fight and scream constantly. My daughter threatened calling the police on him. Tells my granddaughter that he is beating on her and my granddaughter says there are never any marks on her. She says she is ok being there but she told my daughter a few times in front of me she wanted to move close to me. To be near her family. She and my daughter say the new baby cries constantly and is up at night and is hard to console. What the heck do I do now ? I guess just wait for my daughter to relapse or for her and boyfriend to half kill each other. She has been clean for 15 months but has lupus and is on methotrexate for symptoms. I am exhausted from this.
  2. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Jenna. I'm happy for you that the visit went so well, but so sorry that you have all of this worry.

    As to your question, I think you know the answer. What can you do?

    I feel you did the absolute right thing making the visit about your granddaughter and providing her a beautiful respite from a life that seems difficult. She sounds stable and lovely and that is clearly because of you.

    How very sad for the new baby that is inconsolable. He must know that his mother is unavailable. One would almost wish that his mother screw up badly so that the children could go to where they will be cared for and cherished.

    Honestly. It seems out of your hands. This is the hardest, hardest thing. An agony.

    I am going to 12 step groups and finding them very, very helpful. Al Anon is for people whose loved ones used or use drugs and alcohol.

    Take care.
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  3. Jenna0823

    Jenna0823 Member

    Sadly I agree that I wish she would screw up so I could finally get my granddaughter back. It’s only going to get worse with my daughter. She has to fight and argue with every man she is with. Eventually it gets physically abusive on both parts. I will keep praying for the best outcome for my granddaughter. Hugs
  4. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Glad you had a nice visit.

    I bet your granddaughter will get away from her mom when she turns 18. It will be here before you know it.

    Agree with Copa, not much you can do except take care of YOU.
  5. Jenna0823

    Jenna0823 Member

    My granddaughter told me that she didn’t want a boyfriend when she gets older. She said she wants to live with me. She told me to eat healthy and be healthy so I live until 115 so we have a lot of time together.
  6. elizabrary

    elizabrary Active Member

    I'm so glad you got to see your granddaughter. I know what a worry it is when you don't get spend time with her. You provide her with much needed love and care, that's what's important.
  7. Jenna0823

    Jenna0823 Member

    She knows how much I love her. I thought for 9 months away from she forgot me but she was beyond thrilled to see me. And we have been texting everyday. I unblocked myself from her phone and told my daughter to keep it that way
  8. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    This is the ONLY important thing. Hold this in your heart and mind. Try. This is so very, very important. You are her everything. Hold yourself this way. Remember this!!!! Try very, very hard. You don't deserve this suffering. Remember her love!! You did this. You gave her this great gift.
  9. Jenna0823

    Jenna0823 Member

    I really hope something changes and she ends up with me or living close to me. My daughter hasn’t contacted me since I left. I left it on good terms. Thank goodness no drama. I told her if she wants to contact me she knows my number if not that is ok. I don’t think she cares about me just as she doesn’t care for her 5 year old son that lives with his father. I don’t get it.
  10. Jenna0823

    Jenna0823 Member

    She is my baby girl. My love. And I told her that. I said I am always here for you.
  11. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad that it worked out for you.

  12. Tired out

    Tired out Active Member

    I'm surprised your daughter doesn't offer for you to take your grandaughter with you. She doesn't want her son so why not make this little girl's life better and let you have her at least until she is ready to be a real mom.
    I am glad you had a good visit with your grand. I hope there will be more.
  13. 2TiredMom

    2TiredMom New Member

    I am happy for you. Tomorrow is my daughter’s birthday, she will be 29. I haven’t seen her or my granddaughter for 4 years. I miss my granddaughter terribly. I don’t think the relationship is fixable unless my dtr changes. I hope when your granddaughter gets older she has choices to seek you out more as I hope mine will too one day.
  14. Jenna0823

    Jenna0823 Member

    That’s terrible. My daughter hasn’t contacted me since I was up there since the beginning of this month. I was nice and cordial but haven’t heard from her. I guess she doesn’t care about me. But I am glad to not have the drama that my daughter causes. But the upside is my granddaughter is not blocked from me.
  15. Jenna0823

    Jenna0823 Member

    Still nothing from my daughter since I went to NJ last month to finally see my granddaughter. I am not blocked from my granddaughter anymore which is awesome but no contact from my daughter. I guess I thought maybe Mothers Day she would reach out. No expectations I suppose.