Finally had court today! He pled guilty

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Oct 10, 2012.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    ... of course. We hired an atty, why called the detective yesterday and arranged to get difficult child 50 hrs community svc and 6 mo's probation.
    I like that they gave us the opportunity to try to find a few places on our own.

    I dropped off difficult child at school, and then checked out the local Boys and Girls Club thrift shop (and Habitat for Humanity thrift shop) and he's not allowed to work there because the charge is grand larceny and he's not supposed to be near retail merchandise. :(

    People are very nice and it's an interesting way to meet people ... (not my first choice, of course! Embarrassing to say the least!) I was still wearing my biz outfit (difficult child wore a black suit with-a white shirt and no tie, the one he wore to my dad's funeral) and I made sure to be professional and sympathetic. So, now it's up to husband to get difficult child some work serving food to the poor at his church every Thurs eve.
    If that doesn't work, we will be given a list of places that are already court-approved and vetted.

    difficult child was nervous but relieved that it's all over. When the head probation officer met with-us to start the paperwork process (and explain that she's not the FT probation officer; we will get one from a nearby neighborhood), she asked difficult child what he expected as his sentence. He said we hadn't told him what to expect and that he wasn't sure if he was going to juvie. :)

    In fact, we knew from the start that's what he'd get (and made it clear the atty) and the atty made it clear to scare the ^*$$&*# out of difficult child and tell him in great detail what goes on in many juvies and how he would never survive.

    The po also asked him if he had any tattoos. I'm so glad this is all happening because we can lecture and lecture and he won't "get it" but now he understands why these things are important.

    Even so, difficult child started an argument with-me while we were waiting for the probation officer, about not wanting to shave his beard. OMG, he just can't stop arguing! You know those SF movies where people get zapped from something in their brains when they do something wrong? That's what I want to do with-difficult child.

    I'm tired. But relieved.
    I am hoping husband can get his church to cooperate because it's exactly 1 mi away, so if I cannot drive for whatever reason, difficult child can walk.
  2. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    I'm glad it's over. Crossing my fingers he can work at the church 1 mile from home. I hope he understands the gravity of his behavior and I hope he is scared. (HUGS).
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    The church setting sounds great. Does he like animals? Can he volunteer at a rescue group? Scary thing for him is he could so easily be sucked in by tricky people again ....he probably has no clue how vulnerable he is. What happened to the others? Anything yet?
  4. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Glad the day has come has gone!

    I agree with buddy, perhaps the spca or local city animal shelter would interest him.

    I thought he cut his beard for jrotc (or his CO made him)?

  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    been there done that...some ideas. Salvation Army, Goodwill or Habitat For Humanity all take probationers to sort clothes move items around. I called different churches and found when they had food bank days, distribution days and/or annual fund raising events. In our case approval had to be gotten from PO to make sure it was acceptable service. Fingers crossed that he is able to learn a lesson early on. Some do. Some don't. Hugs DDD
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Sharon, lol-you have to shave every day! He thinks once a wk is enough. NOT! After his defiance, I told him he could not see his girlfriend, and that I would shave him myself. He said I wouldn't get near him, so I said I would bring in B, my former military friend, or W, our Hero landscaper and difficult child finally quit arguing. He knows I will follow through. (husband had to work all day, because he took the morning off for court, and I knew he'd be home too late to shave difficult child.)
    Last night, I reminded difficult child that he needed to shave, and he said, "I already did!"
    "You did?" I turned on the light and lo and behold, he was clean-shaven. Well, if you don't count the moustache. :)

    by the way, the clever little brat took the bus to his girlfriend's house after school, when I had told him he was grounded from seeing her because of the shaving defiance. But he knew that we had NILD class in an hr and that it would not be worth my time to bring him home, and then go back out to class. So I picked him up and didn't say anything about it to or from class, and after class, he didn't say anything as we drove by her house on the way home, knowing he wanted to go back there but he dare not open his mouth again. (I am mtng her mother at 11 today to discuss their schedules, etc. I'll post it on a new thread.)

    About the SPCA, ours just got a "divorce" from the city because they intend to be a no-kill shelter, forcing the city to build its own facility for strays and court-ordered quarantines (we have an astronical amt of pit bulls here. We're in Michael Vick territory). So I will call them to see if there is anything that difficult child can do. Animal shelters are always on my list. :)

    Thank you all, especially those who have been there done that. I hope that this is all a lesson learned for difficult child.

    Oh, and by the way, the judge remembered us! The same judge who did our adoption. And the bailiff is a pt of husband's, and had an appointment yesterday afternoon. He said that the judge had good things to say about us, and he said, in regard to difficult child, "Boy, he's got his hands full with that one."
    Nice to know that no one is blaming us ... and weird that in a city with-a population of nearly 200,000, we get the same judge 15-1/2 yrs later!
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    In case anyone here is into law, it turns out that difficult child did not actually plead guilty. I couldn't hear what the words were, but I'm guessing it was nolo contender or something.
  8. buddy

    buddy New Member

    That's really amazing! Yes it IS nice when people get it!
  9. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I remember nolo contendre from our first court appearance...sigh. DDD
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Nolo contendre means he doesnt admit guilt but he admits that the evidence would be enough to make him get found guilty so he wont waste the courts time. Basically means Im guilty but I dont want to say so. Its like saying "whatever" to the court.

    As far as anything else, if all this works, I will be thrilled for you. If you have any other issues with him, have you considered contacting the scared straight program near you? I know they have one because I have seen it on Beyond Scared Straight on TV. It is in your area. Considering how your difficult child learns, it might be the one way to get through to him. I know seeing what is in there would scare the bejesus out of him. Most of our kids think they can handle "time outs" standing on their heads. The real thing is a whole different world.
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I will look it up to see what we have, Janet. Interesting!
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Whoah! This was NOT a good writeup, lol! And it says its a State of VA website. Hmm.

    Scared Straight Programs are programs that allows for adult inmates to have sight and

    sound contact with juvenile offenders and may include jail tours. These programs

    generally involve adult inmates describing the extremely brutal, harsh, and unpleasant

    conditions associated with jail or prison incarceration to delinquent or at-risk youth in a

    secure setting. The expected outcome of these programs is to modify the behavior of the

    youth by shocking, scaring, and thus deterring them from engaging in further delinquent


    However, studies have demonstrated that Scared Straight Programs are ineffective in

    preventing delinquent behavior, and there is evidence that participation in Scared Straight

    Programs may actually contribute toward increased delinquency. Several studies have

    been conducted which have concluded that youth who were exposed to Scared Straight

    Programs actually had higher rates of recidivism and were more likely to engage in future

    delinquent behavior than youth who had not participated in these types of programs.

    Not only have Scared Straight Programs been proven to be ineffective in reducing

    delinquency, but equally important, Scared Straight Programs also violate the sight and

    sound separation core requirement of the Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention

    (JJDP) Act of 2002. According to the guidance provided by the Office of Juvenile

    Justice and Delinquency Prevention (OJJDP), 'the state must assure that no juvenile

    offender shall enter under public authority for any amount of time, into a secure setting or

    secure section of an adult jail, lockup, or correctional facility as a disposition of an

    offense or as a means of modifying their behavior (e.g. Shock Incarceration or Scared

    Straight)'. Further, sight and sound violations of the JJDP Act jeopardize grant funding

    that is available to Virginia through OJJDP.

    For more information concerning Scared Straight Programs, please contact Curtis

    Stevens, Juvenile Justice Compliance Monitor, at 804-786-0051 or visit

    http://www.Department of Juvenile
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hmm. Here's another one, which points out that in this case, pyromania is a mental illness and Scared Straight will not help it.

    I have to both agree and disagree; avoidance therapy CAN work, regardless of mental illness.

    Good grief! I just clicked on three more and they all say the same thing. One was a 64 pp report. Oh well ...

    I suspect that in the case of kids like my difficult child, he is too "in the moment" and impulsive to think about how scared he would be until after it's too late. In that case, I should enroll him in a program called "Scared Too Late." ;)
  14. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

  15. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I dont know. Donna worked in a prison who had a program like it and it worked well. I think it would have been a good program for Cory and would have enrolled him in a heartbeat. I dont see how one can say it increases recidivism because most of these kids are already involved in the legal system anyway. How does one know they werent headed back?

    Nothing else we are doing is working much better to be honest. I know all the medications, therapy, begging, group homes, crying, threatening, spanking, pleading with God, having a DNA test to make sure I brought the right kid home, everything...didnt do much good. It all took time and charging him as an adult so he got a taste of jail. Maybe I could have saved him the charges if I could have sent him as a teen.